Bomber's journal found: Michael Moore fat and furious

Just minutes after the shootout with the Chelsea and Seaside Park bomber, Ahmad Rahami, police recovered his journal which included love notes to Usama bin Laden and the American scumcrumpet Anwar al-Awlaki. 

Arabic translator Mohammad bin Mahmoud al-Muhammad al-Omar bin Bamboon Kel Jones translated parts of the journal thus: 

Dear Osama,  

Your name rhymes with Obama but there is no way you're anything like the president of Big Satan. Yo, I cried when you died--hey that rhymes too (LOL) but I know that you're in Paradise now, looking down at me as you must be having fun with all those women you earned. BTW, say hi to Allah for me, yo, and let him know I've got something cool planned for what I like to call "Jihad Saturday." 

 I'm tired as hell living in this crappy country but the benefits are good and it feels like the kuffar are paying me to live there. I miss my Afghanistan. I miss the goats and even some of the women. I miss my wife .  .  .  rocket man.

 I was young when you orchestrated the first 9/11 but I saw your work and it really inspired me to finish the job you started. I will go out and kill twice as many infidels as your brave mujahideen killed that sunny Tuesday morning.

Stay sexually satisfied, my friend.

Always yours,

Ahmad 

And in a letter to Awlaki he wrote: 

Dear Anwar,

Just a brief note to tell you how sorry you got droned by that wannabe Muslim Obama. I also want to thank you for all the great advice you gave on your videos. I know that when I go on my jihad, I'll be killing thousands upon thousands of infidels, and hopefully among them will be many Jews and Christians, those pigs and apes.

I hope you didn't suffer when that drone took you out. I hope you died fast and clean. And I hope your virgins know a lot of tricks, if you get what I mean, yo. 

Fondly,

Ahmad

Rahami's father claimed he called the FBI on Ahmad 2 years ago, but he had second thoughts after telling that tale and recanted the story. But a neighbor reported that the father said in 2014 that Ahmad may have been in contact with people overseas collecting explosives. 

Fortunately for us, it seems that Ahmad forgot to read the manual or plan properly and his explosives didn't kill anyone.

The journal had been pierced by a bullet hole and included references such as "killing the kuffar," or unbelievers. Islam insists you believe as they believe or they will kill you, suggesting that the religion of peace is not as tolerant as they make out to be.

Michael Moore is currently planning to make a documentary about how Rahami has been treated unfairly with litigation over the restaurant his parents own, and harassment by police who shot him.






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WANTED: Ahmad Khan Rahami for Islamic jihad bombing

He isn't Amish. He isn't Christian. He isn't Jewish. Nor is he Hindu, Jain or atheist. 

His name is Ahmad Khan Rahami and, believe it or not, he's an Afghan-born Muslim man, a naturalized U.S. citizen, and he's wanted for questioning for the bombing in New York City's Chelsea section, an area in Manhattan that has a relatively high population of gay individuals.

Islamic scripture describes hatred toward gays (among many other demographics).

There is an all-out manhunt for Rahami and he is likely armed and dangerous. He is suspected of being directly involved with the Chelsea bombing that injured 29, and the bombing the same day in Seaside Park, New Jersey, that fortunately caused no injury. 

Rahami's last known address is in Elizabeth, New Jersey. The FBI raided his place on Monday and found 5 suspicious devices. One of the bombs exploded when a robot tried to disarm it near a train station.

The robot is doing okay.

Rahami was born in lovely Afghanistan on January 23, 1988, which makes him an Aquarius, known for being unpredictable, intelligent, social, independent and an excellent communicator. On the negative side, he may be unreliable, stubborn, indecisive and inflexible. If you are a woman reading this blog and want to seduce an Aquarius, you need to be cool about it.

On the other hand, Rahami, 28, is a short, fat dude, standing 5-foot-6 and weighing 200 pounds. He wears a beard, "Muhammad-style" meaning he has no mustache. 

The search began for Rahami just hours after federal authorities conducted a traffic stop in Brooklyn of a "vehicle of interest" in the Chelsea bombing. A "number of individuals" who may be connected to the bombing were taken into custody, the FBI said.

It turns out the five men in the vehicle were all relatives of Rahami and pointed authorities in his direction out of a lack of family loyalty.

"Today I believe we're going to find out [the bombing] was being influenced by foreign sources," said semi-intelligent Gov. Andrew "Son-of-Mario" Cuomo, negating the possibility that the religion of peace may be the root cause of Islamic terrorism. 

Duh.

The FBI is asking for help in finding Rahami, but if found, exercise great caution.



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Pipe bomb explodes before USMC charity run in New Jersey

Thirty homes were evacuated after a pipe bomb exploded in Seaside Park, N.J. around 9:30 a.m. just as runners were about to participate in a 5K charity race to benefit Marines and sailors.

This was the third annual "Semper Five" run, the Marine Corps  spin on the slogan "Semper Fidelis" which means "Always Faithful." Marines tend to shorten the slogan to simply "Semper Fi."

There were no reported injuries but the run was canceled.

The bomb was detonated in a plastic garbage can when it detonated. Authorities immediately cleared the boardwalk and beach area and bomb-sniffing dogs were used to search the area.

Investigators found other explosive devices "wired together" in the same garbage can, but the terrorist who rigged them screwed up and they didn't detonate. A spokesman for the Ocean County Prosecutor's Office reported the discovery of the devices to the Newark Star-Ledger.

"We've evacuated within a four-block perimeter, " Al Della Fave, the spokesman said. "Traffic into Seaside Park is closed, but (motorists) are allowed to go to Seaside Heights."

According to officials, runners were expected to be passing the area around the same time the blast went off, but the start of the race was delayed after an unattended backpack was found.

The New Jersey State Police, the DHS, FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives were part of the investigation into the incident.

"We have various K9s throughout the area, bomb dogs that are making sure the area is safe and secure," an law enforcement official told WCBS 880 radio.

It hasn't been determined wether the motivation for the act was Islamic terrorism. However, the event was dedicated to helping the world's greatest fighting forces so I'm not betting against that yet.


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