Bomber's journal found: Michael Moore fat and furious

Just minutes after the shootout with the Chelsea and Seaside Park bomber, Ahmad Rahami, police recovered his journal which included love notes to Usama bin Laden and the American scumcrumpet Anwar al-Awlaki. 

Arabic translator Mohammad bin Mahmoud al-Muhammad al-Omar bin Bamboon Kel Jones translated parts of the journal thus: 

Dear Osama,  

Your name rhymes with Obama but there is no way you're anything like the president of Big Satan. Yo, I cried when you died--hey that rhymes too (LOL) but I know that you're in Paradise now, looking down at me as you must be having fun with all those women you earned. BTW, say hi to Allah for me, yo, and let him know I've got something cool planned for what I like to call "Jihad Saturday." 

 I'm tired as hell living in this crappy country but the benefits are good and it feels like the kuffar are paying me to live there. I miss my Afghanistan. I miss the goats and even some of the women. I miss my wife .  .  .  rocket man.

 I was young when you orchestrated the first 9/11 but I saw your work and it really inspired me to finish the job you started. I will go out and kill twice as many infidels as your brave mujahideen killed that sunny Tuesday morning.

Stay sexually satisfied, my friend.

Always yours,

Ahmad 

And in a letter to Awlaki he wrote: 

Dear Anwar,

Just a brief note to tell you how sorry you got droned by that wannabe Muslim Obama. I also want to thank you for all the great advice you gave on your videos. I know that when I go on my jihad, I'll be killing thousands upon thousands of infidels, and hopefully among them will be many Jews and Christians, those pigs and apes.

I hope you didn't suffer when that drone took you out. I hope you died fast and clean. And I hope your virgins know a lot of tricks, if you get what I mean, yo. 

Fondly,

Ahmad

Rahami's father claimed he called the FBI on Ahmad 2 years ago, but he had second thoughts after telling that tale and recanted the story. But a neighbor reported that the father said in 2014 that Ahmad may have been in contact with people overseas collecting explosives. 

Fortunately for us, it seems that Ahmad forgot to read the manual or plan properly and his explosives didn't kill anyone.

The journal had been pierced by a bullet hole and included references such as "killing the kuffar," or unbelievers. Islam insists you believe as they believe or they will kill you, suggesting that the religion of peace is not as tolerant as they make out to be.

Michael Moore is currently planning to make a documentary about how Rahami has been treated unfairly with litigation over the restaurant his parents own, and harassment by police who shot him.






Tweet

Christmas Ball Bomber Sings Falsetto

No Glory, No Balls

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, better known as the Underwear Bomber, or Christmas Ball Bomber, has claimed that Anwar al Awlaki is not dead. How does Umar know this? He looked into his crystal balls and his little birdie told him. Of course the 24-year old Nigerian-born, atesticular man cannot know anything about Awlaki as the falsetto-voice jihadist spends his time in prison as he awaits his trial, and has no contact with his peeps.

Umar had an outburst as jury selection got under way for his federal terror trial in Detroit, where the balless wonder is acting as his own attorney.  Abdulmutallab previously told reporters they should stop reporting that Osama bin Laden was dead. For Umar, Osama is a jihadist Elvis, I suppose.

"Anwar is alive," the soprano-voiced Umar said Tuesday, referring to American-born cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, who was killed last week by a joint CIA-U.S. military air strike in Yemen. If he thinks his crotch is a mess, he should see what Awlaki's must look like.

"The mujahadeen will wipe out the U.S. - the cancer U.S.," he added.

Anwar Awlaki is dead--see?

But the media is treating this as a real story and some people are listening and wondering just how much can they trust their government to tell the truth in these situations. Now I don't suspect we'll ever get to see the "kill photos" of Awlaki, just like we will not see bin Laden's hole-in-the-head portrait either, but it would be nice if we can somehow assuage the public curiosity and prove the imam of hate is dead and gone along with Osama. I hate to drone on about this (no pun intended), but it would be nice to be sure of the kills.

But don't take the Christmas Ball Bomber's word--he's not very credible, nor very competent, and he isn't very bright. Just saying.

Tweet