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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

California gets stoner vote, man

California has been able to collect the 600,000 signatures required to qualify for the November ballot regarding the legalization of marijuana. Unfortunately, none of the signatures were legible and none were signed in the proper box.

To make matters worse, the documents were misplaced and accidentally thrown out in California's garbage.

President Obama, however, has vowed to sign a presidential order that will allow marijuana to be sold.

Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, has vowed to get rid of all presidential orders that "that loser, Obama, has ever written."

BREAKING: Kasich finally calls it quits

BREAKING: Current Ohio Gov. John Kasich was handed another humiliating defeat in yesterday's Indiana presidential primary. 

Kasich, who never knows when to quit, not because he's a fighter, but because he never knows when to quit, collected a feeble 7.3 % of the Indiana vote, mostly from family members and close friends as well as a couple of people who felt sorry for him.

His family is not devastated because they had so much time to prepare for this humiliating defeat, a defeat at the hands of Donald J. Trump, a man who never ran for any public office and who never revealed any of his secret plans to make America great again.

Kasich will return as Governor of Ohio and do those immeasurable things he has done, and continues to do for that great state and for our nation. He will continue to speak as though he was making a speech, and many will continue to nod their heads or take a bathroom break.

Carter warns Russia . . . sort of

Secretary of Defense Ash "Don't Call Me Jimmy" Carter is welcoming in Gen. Curtis Sacparrotti, the new U.S. military boss for Europe. This was the perfect opportunity for him to send a tough bunch of words to Moscow about not messing with the NATO alliance. Words, much like we have seen by the administration in the past. 

And we all know how that's working out.

Carter spoke in Stuttgart saying "We do not seek to make Russia an enemy. But make no mistake--we will defend our allies, the rules-based international order, and the positive future it affords us," he told the U.S. military's European Command.

Carter said that he does not want a Cold War nor a "hot" war. However, Carter said that Russia wants to 'erode' the peaceful order the West has had since the end of the Cold War.

Carter warned that the commie borscht-eaters are stepping up their submarine patrols to the North Atlantic, but feared to mention Russian jets showing off to us with their "barrel rolls over our military aircraft over the past several weeks. However, he did find the testicular fortitude to say that Russia's leaders are"nuclear saber-rattling" and that puts the world at risk.

The weak-kneed Obama administration's resolve to go up against Russia is debatable. In fact, back in 2012 Obama said on an open mike assuring then President Dmitry Medvedev that he would have more "flexibility" on the issue of missile defense after the election, showing the world that Obama is really our 'Manchurian Candidate."

There are over 60,000 U.S. troops stationed in Europe; during the Cold War there were over 200,000, mostly in Germany where Elvis was spotted.

Carter claimed that "Russia's aggressive actions only serve to further its isolation, and unite our alliance."

Russia, of course, sees it differently. They believe the U.S. violated a 1997 treaty saying that NATO cannot amass forces along the Border with Russia, but the treaty doesn't say what an agreeable number of forces would be.

Carter told the media that the U.S. is considering adding more personnel in Eastern Europe but is going to consult first with NATO officials before final decisions are made. He believes up to four battalions (about 4,000) soldiers could be added.

While Carter talked like Rocky Balboa, he ended the conversation sounding like Richard Simmons, saying that he's willing to work together in the future. 'We'll keep the door open for Russia. But it's up to the Kremlin to decide."

Elvis has left the building.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Breaking: Kasich still has voters who threw in with him in indiana

In yet another moral victory for Ohio Gov. John Kasich, over a thousand or so voters threw in with him by throwing away their vote in the 2016 presidential campaign. 

"Nobody in America has the kind of courage it takes to vote for a regular guy like me," Kasich said in his speech voice. "I'm very proud of those folks and now I can assure the American people that this race is not over by a long shot. I'm going to go all the way and we're going to win this nomination. 

"I'm the only person on the GOP side who can beat Hillary Clinton if she isn't indicted by the Department of Justice. The polls are very clear. Donald Trump is not a viable candidate."

Mr. Trump is suggesting that Kasich be tested for the presence of mind altering drugs. "You gotta test Karate Kid Kasich," Trump said. "The guy's a loser. A complete loser. I don't know, we just don't seem to be able to get rid of him. What--he's got like 1 out of 47 states? He needs to take Cruz with him on the bus home. This contest is over. I win, the 16 governors and senators looooooose!"

MSNBC projected with the Trump win in Indiana, the country has lost. But hey, it's MSNBC.

There are only 9 more states to go in this primary. The 'anyone but Trump' people are at wits end because it looks like "he. might. go. all. the. way!"

Ted Cruz is far behind Trump. If the race were a marathon, Trump would be at the 25 mile marker while Cruz would be at the 18 mile marker. Kasich would have just crossed the starting line running as fast as his stoop-shoulder style could take him, making victory speeches all the way.

The nanosecond the Indiana race was called, Trump tweeted that "Lyin' Ted" should "stop wasting time & money."

The two candidates appear to really dislike each other. Trump, who gets his news "from the shows" and apparently The National Enquirer tabloid, rehashed the claim on Fox News that Rafael Cruz, Ted's father, appeared in a 1963 photo with Lee Harvey Oswald, JFK's assassin.

Cruz thought of firing back with the claim that Trump's father was seen in a compromising photo of "Miss New York 1959" but held his tongue.

Instead, Cruz said his dad was his "hero" and said Trump was an "amoral" liar and basic scumcrumpet, the first time my Urban Dictionary word was put to public use by someone other than me. he also described Trump as a "braggadocious arrogant buffoon," to which the Donald responded, "Now he's making up words."

THIS JUST IN: Cruz has dropped out of the race. Smart move, Ted. Now Kasich should do the same.

ISIS apologizes to everyone they hurt

In a startling change of heart, the Islamic State has apologized to all the families of the infidels and apostates they have killed over the years. They now say that they realize beheadings and other forms of murder of non-Sunni Muslims who fail to think the way ISIS thinks is just not nice and "it's just not fair."

As a peace offering, Abu Bakr al Baghdadi has agreed to provide infidels with information about Islam, teach classes, and thus allow them to make up their own minds as to whether or not they agree to convert to the religion of peace. 

"After all," al Baghdadi said, "I have a PhD in Islamic Studies, so I know a thing or two about Islam."

Iraqi-born Saga al-Dulaimi, al Baghdadi's second wife who escaped the marriage, said that when she knew the now infamous terrorist, he was "a normal family man." She admitted knowing that Abu took the religion very seriously, but never to the point of actually following the Koran to the letter.

Soon to be former president Barack Hussein Obama said in response to al Baghdadi's offer, "Now that's what I'm talkin' about. I am so happy to be able to leave my presidency knowing that our nation will be in good stead with Islam. It was just a matter of time before ISIL realized the errors of their methods."

Allahu Akbar!

Hillary's latest lie to coal miners

In a bold, gutsy move, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton headed to Kentucky, West Virginia and Ohio, coal country, an area where she had once promised to "put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business."

Fortunately, Ms. Clinton will be traveling with armed Secret Service agents, in spite of her other promise to get rid of all guns in all of America for all time.

The former First Lady, NYS senator and Secretary of State is trying like hell to increase her support in coal country by releasing a $30 billion revitalization plan, and hoping the unemployed and/or worried coal miners have a short memory.

Clinton's plan is to get rid of coal mines and replace them with inefficient, undependable, green energy and technology jobs that go beyond the educational backgrounds of most coal miners, but she wants to use legal action to ensure miners keep their pensions and healthcare if and when their company goes down the toilet if she has her way.

The one thing coal miners can hold onto is the fact that Clinton rarely tells the truth about anything she says. There is thus, a good chance that she say lying when she originally said she would put them out of work. Call it a "misstatement," that's what she likes to call her lies.

Her actual words to CNN were: "We're going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business."

But when she was confronted Monday at a West Virginia campaign stop by Bo Copley, a laid-off coal miner, over that comment, she sang a different lie. 

Copley said, "I just want to know how you can say you're going to put a lot of coal miners out of jobs, and then come in here and tell us how you're going to be our friend, because those people out there don't see you as a friend." 

He even broke into tears during the questioning.

Hillary said it was a "misstatement." She continued the lie by saying she'd been talking about helping out coal country "for a very long time." 

Somehow those conversations must have gotten deleted along with her "personal" email.

The spin went like this: "What I was saying is that the way things are going now, we will continue to lose jobs," she said Monday. "That's what I meant to say, and I think that that seems to be supporting the facts. I didn't mean that we were going to do it, what I said was, that it is going to happen unless we take action to try to and help prevent it."

Judge for yourself.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Hillary admits to being experienced with men

Former First Lady, former New York State Senator, former Secretary of State and former Republican, Hillary Clinton spoke about GOP frontrunner for the 2016 presidential campaign, former TV host of the show "The Apprentice"  Donald Trump.

Mrs. Clinton was responding to the charge that Trump is viewed by many people as a sexist, and when it comes to sexism, Mrs. Clinton has extensive experience.

In spite of the fact that women who work for Mr. Trump and had direct contact with him, fail to consider him a sexist. Many say that he's fair, see no pay discrepancies between men and women, and believe they are treated respectfully by Trump. 

What could they possibly know?

Mrs. Clinton has always treated women fairly, in spite of the slight pay discrepancies between men and women on her staff. 

At Hillary's victory rally in Philadelphia Tuesday, she said, "The other day, Mr. Trump accused me of playing the, quote, 'woman card.' Well, if fighting for women's health care and paid family leave and equal pay is playing the woman card, then deal me in."

But does she practice what she preaches?

In an article in the online Independent Journal, it says that Hillary paid her female staff $0.72 to the dollar that men were paid. Perhaps she feels that her closest aide, Huma Abedin, makes up for the average with her inflated salary. But Huma Abedin, wife of the Weiner, Anthony, is very special to Hillary.

Jake Tapper of CNN asked her whether she learned from the way Republicans have attacked Trump as to how she would campaign against him if they both were nominated. She said, "I have a lot of experience dealing with men who sometimes get off the reservation in the way they behave and how they speak. I'm not going to deal with their temper tantrums or their bullying or their efforts to try and provoke me."

The 'reservation' remark was a non-PC micro-aggression causing liberals all over the land except for the media, to go ballistic. I think that's stupidly ridiculous because I'd say the same thing if a conservative made that remark. However, you must admit that Hillary does have a lot of experience with one man who often sneaked off the reservation for a tryst or twenty. 

But notice how Hillary actually plays the "poor me, I'm a fragile woman in a pear-shaped pant suit" card. She uses the term 'temper tantrums' to describe reasonable disagreement with her. It's kind of like a feminist version of Islamophobia--it's intended to shut you up.

Anyone, the shouting Hillary went on, "He can say whatever he wants to say about me. I could really care less. We're going to talk about what we're going to do for the country, and he can continue on his insult-fest. That's the choice he's making."

Does anyone really believe that Clinton "could really care less"? She must be worried about Trump because he's obviously not going to be easy on her with her husband's sexcapades and her involvement, or rather, noninvolvement, with Benghazi, other than her lies.

Trump will also go after her private server, I would bet. 

And her private Blackberry. And the emails. And Whitewater. And her bashing of Monica Lewinsky. And Travelgate. Pardongate. Filegate. 

Finally, one can only wonder if the Clinton Foundation can be proven to be a slush fund for the Clintons. Perhaps the FBI will find that to be true, but don't hold your breath.

Is Bashar "The Chin" Assad in bed with ISIS?

Sky News reports that Bashar "The Chin" al-Assad and ISIS may have struck a deal with each other regarding the battleground. That is, Assad and ISIS may have agreed to certain unspoken rules of where they will engage.

One such deal was over the city of Palmyra.

The files obtained by Sky News show that the militant groups has been training foreign jihadists much longer than security services originally suspected and that a network of sleeper cells is spread across Europe and is planning further attacks in the style of Brussels and Paris.

ISIS defectors have revealed to the news agency that Palmyra was returned to Assad's government forces by ISIS as part of cooperative agreements from years ago, and letters obtained by Sky News, along with over 22,000 files seem to confirm this.

The new letters show that there is an agreement with the Assad regime to withdraw ISIS weapons from Palmyra. There is also a deal between the two groups to trade oil and fertilizer, and that Assad told ISIS about impending attacks and had the merry band of scumcrumpets evacuated before the Syrian army attacked.

It seems fairly obvious that there is collusion between ISIS and Assad. 

Now all we need to know is if there is any collusion between Saudi Arabia and CIA Director John Brennan over the 9/11 secret documents regarding Saudi Arabia's possible involvement.