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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Bibi Speaks, Bozo's Stay Home

The Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin (Bibi) Netanyahu spoke to the U.S. Congress today to make a case for our so-called President Obama to back off on nuclear talks with the terrorist State of Iran. The speech began at 11:07 to a thunderous applause. This was his third appearance before Congress, a feat only to be accomplished by Sir Winston Churchill.

Bibi started off by thanking our so-called Commander in Chief, and said that Mr. Obama has been a friend to Israel and has quietly helped his country in the past, mentioning the Iron Dome as one example. 

Of course, we all know what a great friend Barack Hussein Obama is to Israel, but hey, it's politics and Bibi is a master politician. He even acknowledged Harry Reid and wished him a speedy recovery from his exercising accident. Harry moaned his thanks.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Jihadi John's Work Ethic

It looks like Mohammed Emwazi was never going to need the help of the US State Department to land a job. Emwazi, aka Jihadi John, had worked for a Kuwaiti IT company and was a kick-butt salesman, The Guardian reports. 

Like many serial killing crazies whose neighbors say things like: "Gee, he was so quiet and polite, I never figured he'd kill all the neighbors on the opposite side of the street," his former boss said that he was quiet and withdrawn, but had a natural gift for his work. In fact, the boss gushed with praise, "He was the best employee we ever had." He also said, 'He was very good with people. Calm and decent. He came to our door and gave us his CV."

The staff was surprised that someone from London would want to work in Kuwait as many of his peers looked to do the opposite.

"How could someone as calm and quiet as him become like the man who we saw on the news? It's just not logical that he could be this guy."

Yeah, right. 

Like Osama bin Laden was a raving lunatic? It wasn't as if you could tell by looking at Osama that he was the evil mastermind behind the terrorist attacks that killed so many Americans. 

Actually, if you have ever seen photos of Osama, you might have noticed his faraway stare and gentle smile. He was looking into his mind's eye and seeing Allah, or perhaps Muhammed making love to Aisha when she was 9. He wasn't angry, he was religiously driven to kill us via jihad.

Emzawi is doing the same--he is simply carrying out his religious obligation to commit jihad in the name of Islam. It isn't personal, it's just Islam, and that is why he can be polite and calm. Cutting off the head of infidels is just his way of getting into Jannah, (or Paradise).

So now we know Mohammed Emzawi is just an ordinary guy with a computer background, a sharp knife, and dark eyes. 

It's just a matter of time until some idiot young woman whose letters went unanswered by DzhokharTsarnaev, will develop a terror-crush on Emzawi. Perhaps she will hope and wait until he is captured so she can try her luck once more. Hopefully, that will happen soon and we can get information from yet another Mohammed.

But first, Rolling Stone Magazine will need to put a Photoshopped picture of him on their cover so they can glorify this piece of work.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Obama Threatened Israel? Probably Not

It is reprehensible that an American president would threaten to shoot down the war planes of an ally in the process of defending itself against the nuclear ambitions of Iran. Yet this was reported by Mark Langfan reported for Arutz Sheva, March 1, 2015. If the report is true, this is the first time an American president acted in this fashion. One thing for certain, knowing how Obama feels about Israel, the report is plausible. However, there is a strong possibility that the report is false, which I will explain at the end.

The article reported that Ma'an, a Bethlehem news agency cited a Kuwaiti report on Saturday saying that in 2014, President Obama threatened to shoot down Israeli fighter jets, before reaching their targets, if they attacked Iran's nuclear facilities.

Netanyahu had come to the decision about defending his country when he learned that Obama and Iran were involved in secret talks over Iran's program and were about to sign an agreement behind Bibi's back.

An unnamed Israeli minister allegedly told John Swiftboat Kerry who then told Barack Hussein Obama, who then said he would shoot down the Israeli jets before they could reach Iran. (Of course Obama wouldn't personally shoot down anything, heck, the guy can't even make an unguarded 3-point shot.) 

But Netanyahu wisely canceled the attack as it would have led to far worse consequences.

What kind of leader warns an ally that they will be attacked for trying to prevent a nuclear holocaust by a mutual enemy? 

Perhaps the answer is that Obama doesn't see Iran as an enemy or a threat to our nation, and he doesn't really give a damn if they're a threat to Israel, a country he obviously hates.

Iran is very clear in their messaging: "Death to America." What is there about that statement that makes Obama think they're just joshing?

But did Obama, in fact, tell Israel that if they attacked Iran's nuclear facilities he would shoot down his fighter jets? Probably not.

PJ Media was told by a high-level military source that the report, which first came from Kuwait, was most likely disinformation to discredit Netanyahu at a time when he plans to address Congress. This would make Bibi seem like a warmonger. 

The source said that since 2008, the U.S. can no longer intercept Israeli jets flying over Southern Iraq. Also, we don't have the facilities in place anymore, and besides, the Saudis have agreed to allow Israel to fly over their territory if they attacked Iran.

U.S. fighter pilots might have trouble attacking Israeli fighter pilots as the two nations have often trained together and they are seen as allies--well, maybe not to Obama.

The source said that the most practical way for Obama to stop an Israeli attack on Iran would be to warn Iran in advance--this would delight the likes of Valerie Jarrett--but it would have to be done without alerting the Pentagon. However, the source added that Israel has probably already thought of that.

Obama's Warning Letter to Al Baghdadi

Dear Abu Bakr al Baghdadi:

This is the Commander in Chief of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama, writing to you from a little place called "The 19th Hole." I love this place--serves the best Mai Tai's of any golf course in the country.

I just wanted to warn you that our military plans to continue launching airstrikes in Mosul and then we plan to put Iraqi ground forces in place for you to take target practice and soon scare away. 

Any weapons and vehicles the Iraqis leave behind belong to the United States and I would appreciate it if you would give them back to us. 

We would attack sooner, but the Iraqi army has yet to get through basic training and many still cannot take their rifle apart blindfolded. In fact, many of them are afraid to be blindfolded because they are afraid of the darkness that accompanies that situation. Go figure.

So as it stands, the boots on the ground (as those military types like to say) that we plan to use to retake Mosul, isn't going to happen until after the summer. That should give you plenty of time to think about it and hopefully change your mind because I'm going to be targeting your leaders and cut off your supply lines, so don't get any ideas.

I've got two more years at this gig and I don't want any trouble.

It would be wonderful if you would simply go home to your numerous wives and little jihadists, and we will forget this ever happened. I believe in amnesty for all people who deserve it, and all people deserve it--nothing to lose one's head over, if you get my drift.

I know you must have heard that our original plan to liberate Mosul was supposed to be in April of May, but the plans have changed and you should plan otherwise.

Of course, you know and I know that the Iraqi army fights like Michael Moore in a thong, but we have faith in them and know that they will give you all you can handle on the battlefield, so think about it. Do you want to live and love back home, or do you just want to go to Jannah and have 72 virgins you've never met and know nothing about?

Yes, I know the American public voted for me as their leader knowing even less about me than you know about your virgins, but at least I can't give the nation an STD.

So let me sum it up for you: 
1. We will be using airstrikes for now, maybe 20 to 50 a day maximum. Most likely in the early morning, so be prepared.
2. Mosul is yours until the end of summer, at the very earliest. We were going to make our move in April or come what May, but now it's going to happen prolly around September or so. (Do you like the way I substituted "prolly" for probably? Am I cool or what?)
3. We plan to target your leaders, especially guys named Al or Ibn. They know who they are.
4. Remember, do not, under any circumstances, keep any of the weapons the Iraqi army may throw away in order to lighten their load as they run like Chris Matthews with his pants on fire.

I hope you find this information useful, and if I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to call me or better yet, send me an email.

Sincerely yours,

Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States of America and, Inshallah, Commander in Chief of the United States of America

Friday, February 27, 2015

Marie Harf Interviews ISIS Jihadist for a Job

Imagine, if you will, Marie Harf of the State Department working as a job consultant (often called "headhunters") and whose goal is to find employment for Islamic State jihadists fresh from the killing fithe nuanceselds of Syria and Iraq.

"So how can we help you today, Mr. Muhammad?"

"You can give me job--I not have one and when I am not doing gainful job, I keel."

"One quick tip, sir, it's best if you make eye-contact with me. You'll want to do that on any job interview you go on."

"I cannot look in eyes of wooman--ees un-Islamic."

"Okay, I understand. Well, we have a great number of jobs available for radical Mus--I mean extremists, Mr. Muhammad; what kind of experience do you have?"


"Unfortunately, we have nothing available in the killing industry--wait--how about working as a butcher? Do you like the idea of butchering animals?"

"What kind of animals? I butcher men, weemen, and keeds, but it is un-Islamic to butcher peegs. I do not do peegs, ees unclean and will not get me into Jannah where I can look into eyes of 72 weeman and have with them sex and they stay virgins--eets amazing how cool Allah is weeth the sex for the mujahedeen."

"We actually do have a position in a meat factory. Does your religion allow you to butcher sheeps and goats?"

Muhammad had a soft, wistful look into his mind's eye in the past, "Yes, but only after I spend some quality time weeth them. Ees possible?"

"Probably. Anything is possible for the religion of peace."

"What about your job. After all I have done in serving Allah, I would like easy job like yours."

"No offense Mr. Muhammad, but you might find the nuances of my profession difficult to master."

"Not everyone is as stupid as you believe. I worked as chemical analyst in my country."

Is IS Islamic? You make the call

"This is the finger I use to pick bugs out of his beard"
It was the experts on Islam, President Obama and John Kerry, who said that the Islamic State is not, well, Islamic.

Now I can understand Barack Hussein Obama making that claim, with a name like Barack Hussein, and a boyhood attending madrassa in Indonesia, but John Kerry, not so much.

But all that aside, I believe if you watch the video about ISIS fighters enjoying time off from killing, you will hear their personal and intense Islamic devotion regarding their beliefs. In other words, in their mind, their version of Islam is the only correct one, and those who differ from it are either apostates or infidels who must be killed or subdued (but preferably killed because to them, killing is more fun).

Please turn on your sound and watch as the boys who behead, clear their head with swimming, fishing, and just plain farting around in Iraq. 

Let's hope they brought soap.

I would be great if you comment and tell me whether or not you agree that the Islamic State is, indeed, Islamic, and click on an ad, because I'm not Islamic--I'm a capitalist.