Swalwell says he's running for CA gov. on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

Swalwell had a spy in his eye

"Eric Swalwell, famous for more than simply dating a Chinese Communist spy, just announced he's running for governor of California on Jimmy Kimmel's failing comedy hour, because of course he did."

I need you to picture this: Fang Fang's favorite congressman waddles out on national television, gets a standing ovation from a room full of people who think "late night comedy" still means something, and declares that California, the greatest country in the world (his words, not mine), needs him to save it from... checks notes... affordable groceries and border enforcement.

"I love California. It's the greatest country in the world," the genius actually said, to thunderous applause from the same crowd that thinks $9 avocados are a human right.

He then launched into the standard Democrat fever dream about Californians "running through the fields where they work from ICE agents" which is apparently now the official party imagery instead of, say, the tent cities, feces promenades, rolling blackouts, and shoplifting flash mobs that define the Golden State in 2025.

And because nothing says "I'm ready to lead" like a late-night couch confession, he squeezed out this gem:

"I've been in these fights…but I'm ready to bring this fight home. So, I came here tonight, Jimmy, to tell you and your audience that I’m running to be the next governor of California.”

So, after years of auditioning to be the most annoying guy on the House floor, Eric "Let’s Nuke Gun Owners and Blast a Stinker"  Swalwell has decided the next logical step is to take his talents to Sacramento, where the real damage can be done.

His campaign video, naturally posted to X because that’s where serious people launch serious campaigns these days, promises that the number-one job of the next governor is to keep "the worst president in our history" out of California homes and streets.

"No one will keep Californians safer than I [and Chineses spies] will," he says in the video. "No one."

Eric, the bar is so low at this point that a houseplant could probably keep Californians safer than the current crew, but sure, tell me more about how the guy who got honey-potted by a Chinese spy is suddenly Mr. National Security.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel, still employed for reasons that can only be explained by Disney’s money-laundering division, grinned like he'd just been handed the nuclear codes and quipped: "The president is not going to like this show tonight." Then Jimmy held back tears of happiness after allegedly pulling out a nosehair.

But Trump already torched the whole operation on Wednesday:

'Why does ABC Fake News keep Jimmy Kimmel, a man with NO TALENT and VERY POOR TELEVISION RATINGS, on the air? Why do the TV Syndicates put up with it? Also, totally biased coverage. Get the bum off the air!!!"

Preach, sir. Preach.

Bottom line is that California hasn't elected a Republican governor since Arnold was still terminating things on screen, and now Eric Swalwell thinks it's his turn to steer the Titanic after it's already hit the iceberg, sunk, and been turned into an underwater tourist attraction.

If this is the Democrats' idea of fresh blood, somebody check the expiration date, because this carton's been sitting in the sun since 2019 and like something else, Swalwell is very familiar with, it stinks.

If you like Brain Flushings and want to Buy Me a Coffee, I would appreciate it, as it supports my work. Obviously, there is no pressure but I certainly wouldn't stop you.

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Kimmel backs down on anti-gay rant but not anti-Melania attack

"Brave" Jimmy Kimmel recently attacked Melania Trump for her foreign accent. She speaks five languages but has an accent when she speaks English because she learned English after the age of twelve. 

By making fun of Melania's accent, Kimmel is, in effect, making fun of all foreign-born people who have accents--they basically cannot help but have one. 

I'd like to see Kimmel make fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent--not imitate it, but actually make fun of it like he did with Melania's.

The late night host tweeted a sarcastic apology to Sean Hannity hoping to end their Twitter feud. Hannity defended Mrs. Trump and made it clear that he would not stop going after Kimmel until he apologized for Kimmel's remarks suggesting that he and President Trump have a gay relationship.

So Kimmel sort of apologized for the homophobic shots at Hannity, but was unapologetic over his "jokes" about Melania's accent.

In a Sunday note  Kimmel wrote:

"I will take Sean Hannity at his word that he was genuinely offended by what I believed and still believe to be a harmless and silly aside referencing our First Lady's accent. Mrs. Trump almost certainly has enough to worry about without being used as a prop to increase TV ratings."

Unlike Kimmel's use of his baby son as a prop to push his political view on Obamacare. He even referenced his son in the note:

While I admit I did have fun with our back and forth, after some thought, I realize that the level of vitriol from all sides (mine and me included) does nothing good for anyone and, in fact, is harmful to our country. Even in 2018, the vile attacks against my wife and wishes for death on my infant son are shocking and I encourage those who made them to give their words and actions thought. I, too, will give my words more thought and recognize my role in inciting their hatefulness. By lampooning Sean Hannity's deference to the President, I most certainly did not intend to belittle or upset members of the gay community and to those who took offense, I apologize. I will take Sean Hannity at his word that he was genuinely offended by what I believed and still believe to be a harmless and silly aside referencing the First Lady's accent. Mrs. Trump certainly has enough to worry about without being used as a prop to increase TV ratings. I am hopeful that Sean Hannity will learn from this too and continue his newly-found advocacy for women, immigrants and First Ladies and that he will triumph in his heroic battle against sexual harassment and perversion.

Jimmy Kimmel

Kimmel knows where his proverbial bread is buttered and making waves in the gay community is not to his benefit. Making waves with the President's wife, gets him laughter and cheers from his liberal audience.

His apology was as genuine as a ten dollar Rolex watch.


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Schwarzenegger uses private jet to dry his clothes: 'Saves energy'

Arnold Schwarzenegger is going green, he says. No longer will he galavant around in his private jet, a vehicle that burns more fossil fuel in one trip than gasoline-driven cars burn in a year, but will make use of the natural environment to keep the air fresh and clean.

Arnold will be hanging his clothes, and those of his current mistress, on the vertical stabilizer of his jet. He is also planning to use the engine of his Hummer to cook hot meals, something he became inspired to do after reading "Manifold Destiny" and realizing how we waste precious energy and pollute the environment.

Arnold used his private jet almost daily to fly from his home in Brentwood to the governor's mansion in Sacramento.

Schwarzenegger feels

like, "Hey, why use over 550 gallons of fuel per hour and not get your clothing dried at the same time?"

The muscle-laden former governor of California is going after modern energy use and says he wants to take oil companies to court "for knowingly killing people all over the world" through alleged "global warming" impacts. 

He is not referring to Third World countries that burn cow dung paddies to keep their huts and butts warm and can switch over to cleaner methods thanks to the oil and coal industries. 

He's referring to the global warming caused by people driving cars and not using their engine blocks to cook a decent meal, or hang their clothing out to dry, or waste fuel if they're not a governor or other entitled person.

Schwarzenegger drives several Hummers, as I've said, and they burn more fuel than the average family sedan. But Arnold has one of his Hummers converted to run on hydrogen and is having scientists look into the efficacy of harvesting cow farts.

"Did you know that air-drying your clothes for six months saves 700 pounds of carbon dioxide?" he asked in his Governor's Earth Day message in 2009. But the ex-governor still hasn't had the time to go out an buy a clothes line, so he still uses his jet aircraft to save carbon dioxide and plans to put it in a carbon dioxide bank.

In 2016, Arnold threatened climate skeptics on a video: "Some politicians even want to shut down the EPA's ability to regulate carbon. I would like to strap their mouths to the exhaust pipe of a truck, turn on the engine and let's see how long it would take them to tap out."

Sounds kind of Antifa-ish, if you ask me. Imagine the lip burns they would get before 'tapping out.'

So not only is the Terminator a hypocrite; he's also a sadistic hypocrite who believes in the saying: "Do as I say, not as I do."


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