Swalwell says he's running for CA gov. on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

Swalwell had a spy in his eye

"Eric Swalwell, famous for more than simply dating a Chinese Communist spy, just announced he's running for governor of California on Jimmy Kimmel's failing comedy hour, because of course he did."

I need you to picture this: Fang Fang's favorite congressman waddles out on national television, gets a standing ovation from a room full of people who think "late night comedy" still means something, and declares that California, the greatest country in the world (his words, not mine), needs him to save it from... checks notes... affordable groceries and border enforcement.

"I love California. It's the greatest country in the world," the genius actually said, to thunderous applause from the same crowd that thinks $9 avocados are a human right.

He then launched into the standard Democrat fever dream about Californians "running through the fields where they work from ICE agents" which is apparently now the official party imagery instead of, say, the tent cities, feces promenades, rolling blackouts, and shoplifting flash mobs that define the Golden State in 2025.

And because nothing says "I'm ready to lead" like a late-night couch confession, he squeezed out this gem:

"I've been in these fights…but I'm ready to bring this fight home. So, I came here tonight, Jimmy, to tell you and your audience that I’m running to be the next governor of California.”

So, after years of auditioning to be the most annoying guy on the House floor, Eric "Let’s Nuke Gun Owners and Blast a Stinker"  Swalwell has decided the next logical step is to take his talents to Sacramento, where the real damage can be done.

His campaign video, naturally posted to X because that’s where serious people launch serious campaigns these days, promises that the number-one job of the next governor is to keep "the worst president in our history" out of California homes and streets.

"No one will keep Californians safer than I [and Chineses spies] will," he says in the video. "No one."

Eric, the bar is so low at this point that a houseplant could probably keep Californians safer than the current crew, but sure, tell me more about how the guy who got honey-potted by a Chinese spy is suddenly Mr. National Security.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel, still employed for reasons that can only be explained by Disney’s money-laundering division, grinned like he'd just been handed the nuclear codes and quipped: "The president is not going to like this show tonight." Then Jimmy held back tears of happiness after allegedly pulling out a nosehair.

But Trump already torched the whole operation on Wednesday:

'Why does ABC Fake News keep Jimmy Kimmel, a man with NO TALENT and VERY POOR TELEVISION RATINGS, on the air? Why do the TV Syndicates put up with it? Also, totally biased coverage. Get the bum off the air!!!"

Preach, sir. Preach.

Bottom line is that California hasn't elected a Republican governor since Arnold was still terminating things on screen, and now Eric Swalwell thinks it's his turn to steer the Titanic after it's already hit the iceberg, sunk, and been turned into an underwater tourist attraction.

If this is the Democrats' idea of fresh blood, somebody check the expiration date, because this carton's been sitting in the sun since 2019 and like something else, Swalwell is very familiar with, it stinks.

If you like Brain Flushings and want to Buy Me a Coffee, I would appreciate it, as it supports my work. Obviously, there is no pressure but I certainly wouldn't stop you.

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