Thursday, June 14, 2018

Joy Behar stabs herself, due to 'avocado brain'

"The View" cretin Joy Behar was hospitalized on June 9 after stabbing herself while desperately trying to remove the pit from an avocado with a knife.

She was physically absent from the show on Monday [and mentally absent from the show since 1997]. She physically returned on Tuesday and explained how she stabbed herself and why it's President Trump's fault.

"Saturday night, on my was to the event at the retreat, I stabbed myself in the hand with a knife," the mentally compromised co-host of "The View" said. "I was trying to desperately eat something, so I was trying to open up an avocado and I stuck the knife into the pit to get it out . . . and I stabbed myself."

The depressing former comedian said that she had "never had pain quite so intense; it was awful."

According to Behar, this type of stupid move is quite common and is known as "avocado hand."

Apparently it has something to do with President Trump's boycott on foreign fruit leading to less knife-available targets.

In 2012, liberal actress Meryl Streep also stabbed herself under the same circumstances, but Obama was president and Streep blamed it on the knife.

Scientists have discovered a cure for "avocado hand." It's known as "the spoon."

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