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Friday, June 16, 2017

Alex Jones: I know about Megyn Kelly's mystery lover

Megyn Kelly's interview with conspiracy theorist Alex Jones may be scooped by Jones himself, but that's not the big story according to Jones.

The man who claimed 911 was an "inside job," and that the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting "never happened," says he has inside information on Kelly that will blow the roof off of the aluminum siding industry as well as journalism itself.

Jones claims he secretly taped his own interview using a groin camera and a butt mic. He said that he also recorded talks he had leading up to the actual interview and that Megyn Kelly propositioned him "in no uncertain terms."

Kelly just laughed and said, "If my telling him that I heard he isn't getting along with his ex-wife is propositioning him, then he has a point. But he's as repulsive to me as a snake having coitus with a garden hose."

Jones believes Kelly tried to 'sandbag' him in the interview. "It's not going to be some gotcha hit piece, I promise you that," Kelly told Jones in a recording released by the high-functioning paranoid schizophrenic on his Infowars.com website. "All I can do is give you my word and tell you if there is one thing about me I do what I say I'm going to do and I don't double-cross."

Jones shot back at her in his indefatigable way, "Pinky swear?"

"Of course," she said, offering Jones her finely manicured hooked pinky.

"Aha!" Jones replied. "I knew all you wanted to do was touch me. That's sexual assault, my friend and you're in big trouble. I'll see to it that you're gone from NBC before the sun sets in Bermuda."

Kelly thought he was kidding and goes on to say that she is a "combination of Mike Wallace, Oprah Winfrey and Larry the Cable Guy.

"That's what you'll get in the interview--a little bit of all three of those and hopefully everybody will walk away feeling like they had a good dinner--nutritious, some red meat with some dessert at the end," she is heard saying on the tape Jones had hidden above his gonads.

"Of course I'm going to do a fair interview I'm still me--I'm not going to go out there and be Barbara Walters," Kelly said.

But Jones commented during the interview that he wasn't buying what she was selling. "And you sound like you're selling yourself, sister," Jones said sardonically.

"When she got here with her crew of intelligence operatives, she did the opposite of what she said," Jones told viewers. "And so I was recording the whole time, from our pre-interviews, right through the interviews, we have a record of it so that you can decide for yourself what I really said and what I stood for." He added, "You alone will be the judge. You alone will be the jury of who is fake news. Bwah ha ha!"

Kelly already had enough on her plate with the enraged parents in the Sandy Hook shootings in which Jones said when it happened in 2014 that "Sandy Hook is synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured."

Fake, like 911, the moon landing and probably World War II. 

"When you say parents faked their children's deaths, people get very angry," Kelly said in a teaser of the interview.

J.P. Morgan Chase pulled its advertising until after the Jones interview or if it's canceled.

Jones is currently trying to remove the butt mic which has somehow become lodged in his nether regions alongside his head.