Lou Schipper became a US Navy Seabee in the Pacific and last Friday, he got his high school diploma at the tender age of 90.
"I could have become a high school grad sooner," Schipper told The Onion. "The thing was, I wasn't good at algebra so I kept skipping the final exams year after year. But I got disgusted with myself and said, 'Lou, you gotta do it this year. You gotta do it while you're still changing oxygen into carbon dioxide'--I was always good at biology. So I took the exam and boom, I'm a high school graduate . . . finally."
The graduation ceremony was held at a senior living residence in Cincinnati.
Tony Schad, a representative from St. Xavier, began choking with emotion as he presented Schipper with his long overdue diploma.
"Mr. Louis Schipper, on behalf of your classmates from St. Xavier High School class of 1946, the faculty, staff and administration, I'm happy to officially welcome you to the long blue line, St. X," Schad said.
George Wood was an old classmate of Schipper's and told the school about him. "He was the only freshman in the class who was interviewed with callouses on his hands because that farm boy knew how to do a day's work," Wood told the media.
Dottie Schipper said that Lou was initially reluctant to get his diploma. "He said, 'What the hell do I need with a diploma? I'm 90 years old. Do you want me to get a resume and go to work now?'" she told the paper. "He didn't act like he was really excited, but he was really excited."
After the Navy discharged him, Schipper became an electrician making more money than most liberal arts college grads who majored in Bolivian Transgender Studies and the like. He worked until he was nearly 60.
Now the young 90-year-old would like to go to college and get a degree in "Micro-aggressions and How to Spot Them."
Yeah, sure he would.