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Monday, December 26, 2016

Grandma for Christmas in North Korea

The well-fed leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un is the Grinch who stole Christmas and maybe even Chanukah for one or two North Koreans secretly spinning their dreidels.

The corpulent crumb bun wants the few Christians of the country to celebrate his granny, Kim Jong-suk, not the Little Baby Jesus.

Jong-suk (pronounced "Suck") was born on Christmas Eve in 1919. She was an anti-Japanese guerrilla, a Commie activist, and the wife of North Korea's first dictator Kim Il Sung--a guy who put the 'dic' in dictator. She was also former dictator Kim Jong Il's mother.

Jong-suk died in 1949 under mysterious circumstances. People pay homage to the "Sacred Mother of the Revolution" by visiting her tomb and talking to the ground above her pile of bones.

The hog-bod dictator has been very obsessed with banning Christmas ever since Santa refused to bring him an anti-tank rocket launcher and has banned it. 

In 2014, he went berserk after learning that South Korea planned to erect a huge Christmas tree along the border. The chubster threatened an all-out war so the tree never went up.

Despite his hatred for Christmas trees, because they're inedible, they can be found in Pyongyang in certain upscale shops and eateries. But don't expect to find any crosses, Santas or angels on the tree--no religious symbols are allowed--only photos of the fat man and his granny. 

Ironically, Pyongyang at one time had more Christians than any other city in Korea, but in the early 1950s authorities nixed all Christian activities in the country. It's estimated that there are between 50,000 and 70,000 Christians locked up in prisons due to their faith. The prisons are similar to concentration camps.