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Thursday, October 6, 2016

Honk if you believe Clowns' Lives Matter

It's not easy being a clown anymore, not with all the stories of how creepy, scary clowns are scaring the bejeebees out of unsuspecting people throughout Smallville, USA.

Professional clowns are really angry with the recent reports of terrifying incidents all across this country and it has put many communities on high alert.

The clown community in Tucson, Arizona finally got around to organizing a "Clown Lives Matter" march Wednesday October 15th in the wake of reports that "killer clowns" are terrorizing small towns and that social media is fanning fears of clown attacks, like liberal media fans the fears that the end of the world will happen if Donald Trump is elected president.

KGUN9-TV reported that attendees to the march are invited to participate in full clown makeup or masks, but that hurting or otherwise scaring the crap out of spectators is not recommended.

"This is a peaceful way to show clowns are not psycho killers," one flyer in Tucson, dripping in human blood, read.  "We want the public to feel safe, and not be afraid. [Scared people run away and sometimes we can't catch them.] So come out, bring the family, meet a clown and get a hug" [and whatever else you deserve].

More than 100 non-threatening clowns are expected to participate in the first ever "Clown Lives Matter" protest, but the protest event itself may be protested by Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, the latter of whom will be fully armed. 

It should be fun. 

But authorities across the country have taken all clown threats seriously, putting up posters saying things such as: "If you hear a honk, tell a cop." "Seltzer doesn't make people wet and mushy, clowns make people wet and mushy." It had gotten so bad that some schools have been forced to go on lockdown and cancel classes as police searched for bulbous-nose miscreants.

"There's nothing funny about renegade clowns," said president of the Arizona School Safety Board Balbin B. Bientot. 

"Just last week at PS 161, as 3rd grade Islamic education class was being conducted, a clown jumped out of the coat closet and screamed something in Arabic," Bientot said. "This nonsense has got to stop and hopefully "Clowns Lives Matter" will be the spearhead to make that happen.

If you would like to donate to CLM, please make your check or money order payable to Ruffles T. Clown and you just might save a clown a job.

Can I get a honk?