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Thursday, September 8, 2016

Kim Jong-un bans sarcasm and food

The supreme dictator, follicle aficionado and little fat boy of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has banned the peasants from using sarcasm in everyday conversations as he elucidates exactly what freedoms of speech will be tolerated and which speech will result in being anti-aircraft gunned to death. 

Sarcasm, according to the Un and only, will get a peasant zigging and zagging in an open field as military artillery is fired at him while Un watches with glee.

The reason the corpulent dictator is doing this is to crack down on criticism of his fair leadership. 

"If I treat my people fairly by not killing them for fun, they must treat me fairly by not making fun of me or my great leadership," the chubby knucklehead said. 

Mass meetings have been used by government officials to issue a clear warning that irony, sarcasm and failure to smile when discussing the great plumpster, Un, "will not be forgiven" and will result in an explosive response. 

Families and friends who may not be personally guilty of uttering sarcastic statements, but who may have chuckled, guffawed, smiled or nodded in affirmation of the sarcasm will be denied the use of food until further notice.

Oppressed (not as defined by Colin Kaepernick but by Miriam Webster) and starving workers have been forewarned that satire towards the regime or indirect criticism hidden behind humor will be seen as "hostile actions".

Examples of phrases outlawed by lard-ass Kim are: "This is all America's fault" which is a jibe at Kim's paranoia where he blames the United States for its own failings.

One source in Jagang province near the Chinese border told Radio Free Asia: "One state security official personally organized a meeting to alert local residents to potential 'hostile actions' by internal rebellious elements.

"The main point of the lecture was 'keep your mouths shut'."

A similar meeting had been held in Yanggang province late August.

The official at the meeting warned attendees against being "dragged into internal hostile behavior."

The source told Radio Free Asia that "This habit of the central authorities of blaming the wrong country when a problem's cause obviously lies elsewhere has led citizens to mock the party."

Dennis Rodman was unavailable for comment.