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Sunday, August 7, 2016

How they "press" Hillary

Recently, Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton, agreed to hold a press conference after holding out for over 240 days. 

She took a few questions from pre-selected so-called journalists, and in the few that were actual "tough questions," in true Clintonian form, she gave such twisted answers that people's brains almost choked from asphyxiation trying to comprehend what she said.

Press: Mrs. Clinton, do you think Donald Trump will allow law enforcement to run roughshod over minorities in America?

Hillary Clinton: Thanks for the question, Diane. First, let me say that Donald Trump should not be allowed to run a grocery store, much less the nation. What he will do to minorities will border on being illegal; especially to those undocumented immigrants and refugees that are already here. But when I am president, I will ensure the rights of all minorities, foreign and domestic, and will provide government assistance to every human being that steps foot in this great country of ours.

Press: What are your thoughts about the Trump sex scandals?

HC: Which ones are you referring to? HA, HA, HA! But seriously, I'll tell you what I know. Donald Trump, according to the RT website, is accused of raping a 13-year-old girl with the help of Jeffrey Epstein. I know a lot of Americans don't always trust RT because they're a Russian media outlet. But Ed Schultz works for them, so how dishonest could they be? I know, I know, the girl said Trump raped her when she was 13 with the help of Epstein and that it's alleged that she didn't actually know either of the men because her name, Katie Johnson, wasn't recorded in Epstein's black book. But you have to use your common sense on this one--if it feels right that Trump is a sex offender, it's probably true.

Press: Hi Hillary, Huma Abedin here. I wonder, if you as president, would consider investigating and indicting Donald Trump for tax evasion? After all, he refuses to make his tax returns public so it appears for all intents and purposes that he's got something to hide.

HC: Hello Ms. Abedin. Well the short answer is yes, I would have Trump investigated and indicted. Donald Trump refuses to be transparent and may have even deleted some of  his company emails that would reveal his corrupt behavior.

Press: Hello Mrs. Clinton; James Rosen from Fox News. You told Chris Wallace of Fox that you were truthful to the FBI and the American people about never sending or receiving classified information on your private email server, but FBI Director Comey said that you did send and receive classified emails and that they were classified at the time they were sent or received. Your subsequent explanation of this was that you and Mr. Wallace talked 'past each other' and that the conversation was 'short circuited.' What did you mean by that and how do you explain what Mr. Comey told Trey Gowdy?

HC: Well James, I can only say that conversing with adversarial media components such as Fox creates a surreptitious situation that can often obfuscate the truth, especially between adversarial political parties. When Chris Wallace asked the question, he was somewhat nebulous regarding the riposte he was apparently fishing for, and I wasn't about to give it to him. I hope that clarifies it for you. And when I become president, you can be assured that your butt is going to be investigated too.