Monday, July 11, 2016

Size-challenged planet discovered

Mauna Kea, Hawaii -- scientists have discovered a dwarf planet in our solar system and little people across the USA are protesting the designation of "dwarf planet." 

One "little person" who wished to remain anonymous said that "I'm sick and tired of being called a dwarf. If I was a (expletive) dwarf, (expletive) Disney would be paying me a good (expletive) salary. Call me a (expletive) little person."

Using a telescope with a lot more magnification than a Cracker Jacks magnifying glass, the scientists spotted the planet from atop of Mauna Kea, a rather tough climb of a mountain.

The size-challenged planet is only about 435 miles across, and it doesn't yet have a name, but for now, you can call it 2015RR245. But as for me, I like to call it "Peekaboo ICU." 

Let's face it, the little guy's been honking along on a 700 earth year highly elliptical orbit around the sun and it has finally been noticed.

"The icy worlds beyond Neptune trace how the giant planets formed and then moved out from the Sun. They let us piece together the history of our Solar System," Michele Bannister said. She is a researcher with the Outer Solar System Origins Survey (OSSOS) and is not related to Dr. Roger Bannister, the first human being to break the 4-minute mile.

OSSOS is the organization that made the discovery and they can't stop themselves from bragging about it.

Bannister said in a statement: "But almost all of these icy worlds are painfully small and faint: it's really exciting to find one that's large and bright enough that we can study it in detail."

The surface of Peekaboo ICU is still uncertain and this could help OSSOS calculate the size of the compact planet more precisely.

"It's either small and shiny, or large and dull," Bannister said.

Peekaboo ICU was first imaged last year but wasn't noticed until February 2016. It is now among other size-challenged planets such as Pluto, Eris, Ceres and Makemake (which would be an great planet to send ISIS).

I welcome any names you can come up with.


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