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Thursday, March 31, 2016

North Korea prepares for "arduous march"

Lard Butt and Mignons 
Most North Koreans (Kim Jong Un excepted) haven't had a good meal since 1994 when the dictatorship nation suffered from a famine that killed so many. A proclamation has been issued destined to scare whatever fear is left in the emaciated population as citizens are being told to prepare for yet another "arduous march."

That term was first used back in 1993, coined by North Korean leaders as a metaphor for the famine that had arrived, killing about 3.5 million of the 22 million North Koreans. 

The causes were said to be due to natural disasters, collapse of the Soviet bloc and loss of Soviet aid as a result, and a total economic mismanagement by the government, which, conspiracy theorists such as Alex Jones, might attribute to Kim Jong Il taking advice from American Democrats.

And while people were snacking on insects, shoe leather and grass, the regime and military were eating like Michael Moore being given carte blanche at Bob's Big Boy.

After North Korea flipped the bird at the free world and shot missiles into the sea just to see the splash, and the UN Security Council voted for new sanctions against the rogue nation, Pyongyang announced a nationwide campaign to save food.

No more would there be "One from column A and two from column B, and comes with soup," people weren't going to be eating just enough to make those insects look appetizing.

"The road to revolution is long and arduous," an editorial said in Rodong Sinmun, a state-run rag. "We may have to go on an arduous march, during which we wil have to chew the roots of plants once again."

Of course, Kim doesn't need to worry--he gets to ride around in his Mercedes and eat to maintain his body mass.

South Korea's Chosun Ilbo newspaper wrote that North Korean citizens are being ordered to provide 1 kg (2.2 lbs) of rice to the state's warehouses every month, and farmers are being forced to "donate" additional supplies from their own anemic crops to the military. 

This is a Bernie Sanders dream. "They aawl get to share in the collective wealth. Wall Shhtreet can learn from them."

Of course there's the local hoarding of food by non-communist thinking people who've grown or raised it themselves. If they are caught hoarding, Kim may use them as practice dummies on the mortar training range.

The Rodong Sinmun paper warned the people that despite the hardships, they had better stay loyal to chubby Kim if they expected to continue making carbon dioxide out of oxygen. 

"Even if we give up our lives, we should continue to show our loyalty to our leader, Kim Jong Un, until the end of our lives."

They are demanding a "70-day campaign of loyalty." They figure that after 70 days, their hunger will make them too delirious or immobile to worry about it.