Marie Harf Interviews ISIS Jihadist for a Job

Imagine, if you will, Marie Harf of the State Department working as a job consultant (often called "headhunters") and whose goal is to find employment for Islamic State jihadists fresh from the killing fithe nuanceselds of Syria and Iraq.

"So how can we help you today, Mr. Muhammad?"

"You can give me job--I not have one and when I am not doing gainful job, I keel."

"One quick tip, sir, it's best if you make eye-contact with me. You'll want to do that on any job interview you go on."

"I cannot look in eyes of wooman--ees un-Islamic."

"Okay, I understand. Well, we have a great number of jobs available for radical Mus--I mean extremists, Mr. Muhammad; what kind of experience do you have?"

"Keeling."

"Unfortunately, we have nothing available in the killing industry--wait--how about working as a butcher? Do you like the idea of butchering animals?"

"What kind of animals? I butcher men, weemen, and keeds, but it is un-Islamic to butcher peegs. I do not do peegs, ees unclean and will not get me into Jannah where I can look into eyes of 72 weeman and have with them sex and they stay virgins--eets amazing how cool Allah is weeth the sex for the mujahedeen."

"We actually do have a position in a meat factory. Does your religion allow you to butcher sheeps and goats?"


Muhammad had a soft, wistful look into his mind's eye in the past, "Yes, but only after I spend some quality time weeth them. Ees possible?"

"Probably. Anything is possible for the religion of peace."

"What about your job. After all I have done in serving Allah, I would like easy job like yours."

"No offense Mr. Muhammad, but you might find the nuances of my profession difficult to master."

"Not everyone is as stupid as you believe. I worked as chemical analyst in my country."


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