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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Tough Words by a Tough-Worded POTUS

President Obama ramps up his rhetoric boldly telling the American pubic that he will talk about ISIL on Wednesday and said he has a TelePrompTer loaded with harsh words for "those ISIL folks."

Americans are holding their collective breath wondering if the president will draw a red line in the sands of Iraq and Syria, daring Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and his merry band of beheaders to cross it, lest Mr. Obama place bacon sanctions on these brutal terrorists. And if that doesn't work, maybe securing our southern border will be his next brutal step.

Fat chance.

But Wednesday is the day our Commander in Chief, as he likes to constantly remind us for spite, will tell us his bold plans. I can hear him now:

"I want to first thank my good friend and confidant, Eric Holder, for his commitment to getting to the bottom of the Benghazi situation and closing the final chapter on that "non-story." Also I want to thank him for pursuing the truth in the racial slaying of Michael Brown and his unfaltering work on the Trayvon Martin case.

"I also want to thank Beyonce and Jay Z for being my friends and in the process, making me look cool.

"As you know, Islam is the religion of peace and has been hijacked by such extremists as ISIL and al Qaeda. There is nothing in the Koran that calls for such abhorrent behavior and these folks ought to know better.

"Islam is, in fact, a beautiful religion--I still recall the Islamic call to prayer, Adhan, called out by our local meuzzin when I spent my youth in Indonesia. It gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes as I thought of Bilal Ibn Rabah, Islam's first meuzzin. He was born a slave and in spite of the fact that Mohammed, peace be upon Him, referred to black folk as "raisin heads," he rose to prominence in the religion of peace.

"Anyway, I would like to assure the American folks that we do, in fact, have a strategy to defeat ISIS. Yes defeat them.

"First, we must cut off their weapons supplies, so I will no longer inadvertently or even advertently arm them. This will likely anger most Muslim countries, but the American folks need to feel safe, and with the midterms quickly approaching, I will do all I can, with or without the help of the GOP, to protect America, especially our women, and our LGBT population. It's the right thing ta do.

"Second, I will increase our drone program and target ISIL with these miracles of technology.

"Third, I will encourage local imams to reach out and discuss the peaceful aspects of Islam, thus convincing ISIL to lay down their weapons, keep their hands off our heads, and just say no to violence.

"Finally, to accomplish all of this, I will assure ISIL that we will not now or ever put boots on the ground and that we are serious, very serious, about becoming caring partners in the betterment of society.

"Now it's time to get to the hard work of putting all of this in place. With luck and cooperation by the folks of ISIL, this can be yet another war I was instrumental in ending as I bring peace to the Middle East and, indeed, the world.

"In the immortal words of my dear, long-gone father, 'Allahu Akbar!'"