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This is part two of Osama bin Laden's diary. For part One of the diary go here . This diary is a product of my imagination based upon what is known and what is unknown about the terrorist leader who was defeated, almost single-handedly, by Barack Hussein Obama, our fearless President, TV personality, and basketball jump-shot champion.
February 14, 2002
Dear Diary,
Well, today is what the infidels call Valentine's Day. Whoever this infidel was, this guy named Valentine, he must have had even more wives than the Prophet, peace be upon Him, because infidel women seem to love him. Women who celebrate Valentine's Day expect their husband or master to give them gifts. So Diary, for the sake of good old Islamic fun, I have decided to do the same with my wives, and provided each of them with a sack of stones of perfect throwing weight and pointed edges to use at the next rock festival when a good old fashioned woman stoning takes place. Oops, my candle went out just as I was writing--this cave is very drafty and I will need to speak with the village imam to discuss the problem and perhaps find better accomodations. Here comes Yasmeen and Aisha (not her real name) and it looks like I will get to do some field plowing, if you know what I mean. Maybe infidels have a few good ideas about sexual behavior--everything they do seems to be motivated by sex, even when they sell things on television, like those sexy telephone commercials that feature golden haired houries. If the infidels were allowed four wives, as we believers, there would be no need for this immoral behavior. Anyway, I was thinking, as I laid in bed last night, that I haven't killed a Jew in months . . . what to do?
Your devoted scribe,
Osama.
February 28, 2002
Dear Diary,
It has been two weeks to the day since I wrote to you. My wives have gone home to Arabia, for their own safety, Inshallah, and I am here alone with you, my television and Nancy, my inflatable doll who surprisingly looks like a young Nancy Pelosi. I must be very careful with her as the rocks on the floor of my cave can be very sharp, and if she exploded, I would be at wits end as to who to speak to. Speaking of speaking, I spoke with Imam Bubkah who warned me that the Americans, a pox be on their President Bush, are using a form of interrogation called "begging and threatening", which has produced no positive results for the infidels. I am as safe as the Prophet, peace be upon Him, standing behind the shield of Omar. Allah will protect me because Allah, yadda yadda yadda (I wish I could remember the magic words), knows my loyalty for him and hatred for all nonbelievers.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
June 3, 2003
Dear Diary,
It has been many moons since I have written to you and so many things have happened. For one, a Jewish journalist named Daniel Pearl, was cleverly lured to what he thought was an interview with Sheikh Mubarak Ali Gilani in Karachi, but it was good old taqiyya by my jihadi brothers tricking him to a fake meeting, and he was captured. Unfortunately, the American pigs refused to trade him for our brave soldiers of Allah, in Guantanamo Bay, and my devoted friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad beheaded him. Unfortunately, they captured Khalid and he is being detained as I write this in the confines of my cave. I pray for his release so he can rejoin us in our glory. Also of some note, my fourth wife, Yasmeen, was caught allowing the roti delivery man into our home and my other wives finally got to use their throwing stones--that old Valentine's Day gift I told you about. Aisha (not her real name) is quite the accurate thrower, that little jihadi sweetie--I think she gets it from me. I was considering taking a new wife to replace Yasmeen, but Aisha said that if I did, she would be very upset and angry. I had to beat her lightly, as called for in the Qu'ran, and after she cleaned herself up and wiped off her bloody face, (how I love that face), she came around to my way of thinking and a replacement may be in the stars. Why, oh Diary, did Allah, yadda yadda yadda, create women in the first place? They're not as religious as men and are intellectually inferior, except for perhaps Condoleezza Rice.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
For Part Three go here
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| Khalid Sheikh Mohammad |
Dear Diary,
Well, today is what the infidels call Valentine's Day. Whoever this infidel was, this guy named Valentine, he must have had even more wives than the Prophet, peace be upon Him, because infidel women seem to love him. Women who celebrate Valentine's Day expect their husband or master to give them gifts. So Diary, for the sake of good old Islamic fun, I have decided to do the same with my wives, and provided each of them with a sack of stones of perfect throwing weight and pointed edges to use at the next rock festival when a good old fashioned woman stoning takes place. Oops, my candle went out just as I was writing--this cave is very drafty and I will need to speak with the village imam to discuss the problem and perhaps find better accomodations. Here comes Yasmeen and Aisha (not her real name) and it looks like I will get to do some field plowing, if you know what I mean. Maybe infidels have a few good ideas about sexual behavior--everything they do seems to be motivated by sex, even when they sell things on television, like those sexy telephone commercials that feature golden haired houries. If the infidels were allowed four wives, as we believers, there would be no need for this immoral behavior. Anyway, I was thinking, as I laid in bed last night, that I haven't killed a Jew in months . . . what to do?
Your devoted scribe,
Osama.
February 28, 2002
Dear Diary,
It has been two weeks to the day since I wrote to you. My wives have gone home to Arabia, for their own safety, Inshallah, and I am here alone with you, my television and Nancy, my inflatable doll who surprisingly looks like a young Nancy Pelosi. I must be very careful with her as the rocks on the floor of my cave can be very sharp, and if she exploded, I would be at wits end as to who to speak to. Speaking of speaking, I spoke with Imam Bubkah who warned me that the Americans, a pox be on their President Bush, are using a form of interrogation called "begging and threatening", which has produced no positive results for the infidels. I am as safe as the Prophet, peace be upon Him, standing behind the shield of Omar. Allah will protect me because Allah, yadda yadda yadda (I wish I could remember the magic words), knows my loyalty for him and hatred for all nonbelievers.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
 |
| Daniel Pearl |
June 3, 2003
Dear Diary,
It has been many moons since I have written to you and so many things have happened. For one, a Jewish journalist named Daniel Pearl, was cleverly lured to what he thought was an interview with Sheikh Mubarak Ali Gilani in Karachi, but it was good old taqiyya by my jihadi brothers tricking him to a fake meeting, and he was captured. Unfortunately, the American pigs refused to trade him for our brave soldiers of Allah, in Guantanamo Bay, and my devoted friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad beheaded him. Unfortunately, they captured Khalid and he is being detained as I write this in the confines of my cave. I pray for his release so he can rejoin us in our glory. Also of some note, my fourth wife, Yasmeen, was caught allowing the roti delivery man into our home and my other wives finally got to use their throwing stones--that old Valentine's Day gift I told you about. Aisha (not her real name) is quite the accurate thrower, that little jihadi sweetie--I think she gets it from me. I was considering taking a new wife to replace Yasmeen, but Aisha said that if I did, she would be very upset and angry. I had to beat her lightly, as called for in the Qu'ran, and after she cleaned herself up and wiped off her bloody face, (how I love that face), she came around to my way of thinking and a replacement may be in the stars. Why, oh Diary, did Allah, yadda yadda yadda, create women in the first place? They're not as religious as men and are intellectually inferior, except for perhaps Condoleezza Rice.
Your devoted scribe,Osama
For Part Three go here
If you want a great read about modern
day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see
the links below.
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