Khamenei drafts short-list of pinch hitters in case he gets his 72 goats

Some call him the Ayatollah, some the Ayatoilet

The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader mucky muck, has descended into a state of near-paranoia, skulking in the shadows and communicating through a "trusted aide" to evade the unblinking eye of Israeli intelligence. 

Electronic devices, it seems, are now anathema to him, as he scrambles to obscure his whereabouts. This is not the behavior of a man confident in his divine mandate, but one who fears the Reaper’s knock.

Reports suggest Khamenei has hastily scribbled a shortlist of potential successors, a grim contingency should Israel’s next precision strike bear his name and send him packing his bags for a journey to hell.

For weeks, Israeli forces have surgically dismantled Iran’s nuclear ambitions, targeting research facilities, scientists, and military commanders with pinpoint efficiency. As the former newspaper New York Times revealed on Saturday, these strikes have left Khamenei rattled, convinced he could be next in the crosshairs, and this may have him reconsidering the "we love death, yadda, yadda," claim as he hides out somewhere.

The ayatollah’s response is telling. He speaks only through intermediaries, shuns modern communication, hates microwave ovens and, per anonymous officials cited in the report, has handpicked replacements for his fallen military leaders. 

More strikingly, he has instructed the so called Assembly of Experts [lol] the clerical body tasked with anointing his successor, to bypass their usual deliberations and choose swiftly from three names he has provided. “Given the possibility, the ayatollah has made the unusual decision to instruct his nation’s Assembly of Experts, the clerical body responsible for appointing the supreme leader, to choose his successor swiftly from the three names he has provided,” the birdcage liner known as the Times noted.

This is no mere bureaucratic shuffle; it is a desperate bid to secure the regime’s survival. 

As Vali Nasr, an Iran expert at Johns Hopkins University, observed with clinical precision: “The top priority is the preservation of the state. It is all calculative and pragmatic.” 

Yet, in a twist that defies expectation, Khamenei’s son, Mojtaba, [yet another Mo] long presumed the heir apparent, does not feature on this list, possibly because he asked his dad to let him live. Instead, three senior clerics, their identities cloaked in secrecy, hold the keys to Iran’s future. Hopefully they will be smart enough not to buy any green bananas if they want to eat them.

Khamenei’s maneuvers betray a man hedging his bets, torn between defiance and dread. The officials claim he views his potential assassination as a path to martyrdom, a convenient theological gloss for a leader staring down mortality and hoping beyond hope that Islam will provide him with virgins and rivers of wine.

 But his actions suggest otherwise: this is not the serene acceptance of fate, but the frantic scheming of a man who knows the end may be near and is scared fecal-less.

Hours after these revelations, President Donald Trump announced that American forces had obliterated three of Iran’s key nuclear sites. The noose tightens, and Khamenei’s dance with destiny grows ever more frantic.

Let's all say it: Am Yisrael Chai!

Hey guys, if you like my blog,  feel free to toss a virtual coffee my way on Buy Me a Coffee  It’s like a high-five with caffeine, and coffee keeps me focused, albeit somewhat hyper. No pressure, it's your call.

Tweet