Schumer blames Trump for Brooklyn Bridge crash and all US accidents

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) blamed President Trump for the tragic event in which a Mexican tall ship [who knew they had boats] crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge on Saturday evening. In fact, Schumer [aka Mega Nostrils] said that Trump can, and should be blamed for all negative occurrences in the United States and elsewhere. 

He gave a host of examples:

Tornadoes in Missouri (May 2025): A powerful tornado struck St. Louis, killing at least five people, injuring dozens, and damaging thousands of properties. Had it not been for Trump's blasé attitude with global warming and discontinuing the use of paper straws, this may have never happened.

Bombing Near California Fertility Clinic (May 2025): A bomb explosion killed one person near a fertility clinic in Palm Springs, with the FBI labeling it an act of terrorism. Prior to Trump's second term, this had never happened before and it can only be attributed to the fact that he has created anger toward women who want to conceive and have babies, thus overpopulating the world and creating even more global warming.

Mexican Navy Ship Crash into Brooklyn Bridge (May 2025): A Mexican naval training ship crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge, killing two people and injuring 22. This one is easy: had Trump not asked Mexico to take in our illegal border crossers, Mexico's navy would have taken more care to not attempt going under the Brooklyn Bridge with a ship whose mast was taller than the bridge. See, Mexico did it to spite Trump but didn't realized the horrific consequences that would follow.

Plane Crash in Minnesota (March 2025): A plane crash into a home in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, killed all aboard, including U.S. Bank vice chair Terry Dolan, with no survivors. Trump is somehow responsible for this and Schumer promises to get back to this in the near future as to how Trump was responsible.

American Airlines Flight 5342 Collision (January 2025): A collision between American Airlines flight 5342 and a helicopter resulted in 67 fatalities, including the parents of figure skater Maxim Naumov. Had Trump disbanded D.E.I. helicopter pilots in the military sooner, this never would have happened.

Los Angeles Wildfires (Late 2024): Devastating wildfires destroyed homes, displaced families, and prompted celebrity-led relief efforts. Notable impacts included the destruction of neighborhoods and significant economic loss. Schumer will get back on this one too.

New Orleans Attack (Early 2025): A violent attack by Shamsud-Din Jabbar that claimed the life of a 27-year-old mother, among others, leaving families in grief. Trump is responsible for the violent attitudes of our entire Muslim population and all claims that it has to do with the religion of peace is racist.

Senator Schumer has vowed to follow up on all tragic events in the future and promises to find more horrific events to pin on President Trump, whether it be here or abroad.

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