Hundreds of Hezbollah commanders ordered to flee Lebanon: Report

Alright, folks, strap in for another wild ride through the global circus of chaos, where the bad guys don’t take vacations—they just relocate.


According to a report on Wednesday, about 400 Hezbollah field commanders have been told to pack their bags and book it out of Lebanon for the sunny shores of South America—think Brazil, Colombia, Venezuela, and Ecuador. Because nothing says “strategic retreat” like swapping Beirut for Bogotá.

A Latin American diplomatic source spilled the tea to Saudi outlet Al Hadath, claiming 200 of these commanders are already sipping café con leche in South America, with the rest set to join the party soon. Why the mass exodus? Hezbollah’s apparently sweating bullets over the Lebanese government and military potentially dismantling their military playground. So, they’re scattering like roaches when the lights come on.

Let’s not kid ourselves—Hezbollah’s no stranger to South America. They’ve already got a cozy little terrorist network down there, while back in Lebanon, they’re flexing with a force of “several tens of thousands of terrorists.” That’s not a typo; it’s just their brand of crazy.

Meanwhile, Lebanese President Joseph Aoun is trying to play peacemaker, declaring Tuesday that 2025 will be the year Lebanon gets a monopoly on weapons. His plan? Disarm Hezbollah “through dialogue.” Good luck with that, buddy. 

Aoun’s out here talking about “good and direct” communication with Hezbollah, claiming “the results are evident on the ground.” Sure, if by “results” he means the Lebanese army sealing tunnels and blowing up Hezbollah’s weapons stashes. He’s even floating the idea of folding Hezbollah into the army, 1990s-militia style, where individuals get absorbed separately. 

Sounds like a plan—until you remember who you’re dealing with.

Enter senior Hezbollah honcho Mahmoud Qamati, who’s not exactly vibing with Aoun’s kumbaya approach. In a speech, he doubled down, saying, “We are committed to our weapons, we are committed to our resistance.” Then he dropped a gem from the late Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah: “Whoever reaches out to touch our weapons—their hand will be cut off.” Subtle as a sledgehammer, Mahmoud.

So, here we are: Hezbollah’s top dogs are fleeing to South America, their Lebanese fortress is under pressure, and their leaders are quoting dead guys while waving their guns. Just another day in the geopolitical dumpster fire. Stay tuned, because this mess isn’t cleaning itself up anytime soon.

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