Hamas leader Haniyeh's 3 sons get to choose between 216 virgins, they say

The IDF confirmed Wednesday that an airstrike in the Gaza Strip killed Hamasshole leader Ismail Haniyeh's three sons, making them martyrs and providing them with a total of 216 brown-eyed virgins. Haniyeh couldn't be prouder that they were blown to pieces because he wasn't as he's living in Qatar, far away from the dangers of anti-Semitic war.

"The three operatives [aka scumquats] that were struck are Amir Haniyeh, a cell commander in the Hamas military wing, Mohammad [no surprise there] Haniyeh, a military operative in the Hamas terrorist organization, and Hazem Haniyeh, also a military operative in the Hamas terror organization," the IDF and Israel’s Shin Bet intelligence agency said in a joint statement. The three terrorist turds "conducted terrorist activity in the central Gaza Strip," they added, less eloquently than Brain Flushings.

Hamas' Al-Aqsa TV station said Hazem, Ameer and Mohammed Haniyeh were killed in a strike near the Shati refugee camp in Gaza City, according to The Associated Press. Ismail Haniyeh, who is originally from Shati, has 13 future terrorists and has been living in exile in Qatar.

"The criminal enemy is driven by the spirit of revenge and murder and does not value any standards or laws," he told Al Jazeera on Wednesday during a phone interview.

"The enemy believes that by targeting the families of the leaders, it will push them to give up the demands of our people," he reportedly added. "Anyone who believes that targeting my sons will push Hamas to change its position is delusional."

But it's still a good thing they were sent packing to Jannah.

Al-Aqsa TV station aired footage of the billionaire Haniyeh purportedly receiving the news of the deaths while visiting wounded Palestinians who had been transported to a hospital in Doha. As an aide received the news on his phone, Haniyeh nodded, looked down at the ground and slowly walked out of the room, thanking his lucky stars it wasn't him.

Iran’s Supreme Leader for Life, the great, the exalted mucky muck, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei spoke at a prayer ceremony celebrating the end of the Muslim holy month of the "Ramadan Bombathon" when he promised to retaliate against Israel -- saying "it will be punished" -- for an airstrike that demolished Iran’s consulate in Syria earlier this month, and surprising several Iranian generals by killing them.

In his remarks, Khamenei said the strike was "wrongdoing" and akin to an attack on Iran itself.

But the October 7 massacre of Jews was a good thing in Khamenei's twisted mind because, you know, they were Jews, and that's how Iran rolls.

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