Putin does a "double-Biden" on stairs and in trousers

This is not satire nor is it parody. Russian President Vladimir Putin doubled down on our very own POTUS Joe Biden. But instead of falling up the stairs, he fell down. And to make matters worse, he did a Biden in his pants, soiling himself and nobody laughed about it.

Clearly Putin's health is on a downward turn.

Putin, 70, went butt over tea kettle at his Moscow residence on Wednesday evening, according to the Telegram channel “General SVR,” which purports to be run by a former Russian spy. The leader of the unfree world allegedly fell down five steps and landed on his coccyx [tailbone].

The fall caused him to crap his drawers as the guards ran to his aid. The defecation, the channel claims, is due to "cancer affecting his stomach and bowels."

This latest incident is yet another health scare for Putin, who is rumored to have worsening cancer and Parkinson's disease as his war in Ukraine rages on.

“Three bodyguards helped the president get to the nearest couch and summoned medics, who are on duty at the residence,” General SVR said.

“Nothing critical [was diagnosed], the president’s condition closer to nighttime was stable, he can get around on his own, with pain in the coccyx area while sitting being the only thing that bothers him.”

Possible IV marks noted on Putin's hand

The post noted that a special investigation was being carried out to determine the cause of the president’s fall. Thus far, banana peels have been ruled out.

The famously-paranoid Russian leader reportedly wears slip-proof shoes, and stairs in the official residence had been deemed safe.

“As it turns out, all precautions could be in vain when the nerves are shot,” the message concluded.

Putin appeared to shake off the injury, and less than one day later was pictured touring a lab in Moscow.

In late October, Kyiv Post journalist Jason Jay Smart tweeted screenshots of Putin greeting soldiers at a boot camp in the Ryazan region, prompting speculation that the president had IV tracks on his hands.

A few weeks earlier, General SVR called out Putin’s shaky stance during a meeting with Belarusian leader Alexander Lukashenko.

“Putin’s oncology is progressing and, despite adequate treatment lately, the pain is not always completely relieved,” the channel claimed.

“It must be understood that the deplorable state of the president’s physical and mental health affects the adoption of key decisions. Putin doesn’t want to change history, he wants to end it.”

But all that being said, there have been no recent shirtless photos taken of Russia's dictator riding horses or fishing for trout.

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