Recommended BLM name changes

First they came for Aunt Jemima. Then they came for Uncle Ben. And then they came for Louisville, Kentucky. It is never going to end until we stop this crazy anarchistic nonsense.

But in the meantime, I have a few suggestions for renaming or rebranding those things that offend the easily offended people, the only people who are perfect and can tear the rest of our history down.

So let's begin with a few products and see where it goes from there.

Oreo Cookies.

Let's call them "Uncle Tom Cookies," because hey, isn't that what an Oreo is, according to angry black men who hate other black people who don't hate white people.

Graham Crackers.

Invented by a Christian pastor named Sylvester Graham, a white guy. So let's call them "Cracker Crackers." I don't need to tell you why, I hope.

Dixie Cups.

Ah, the south. Let's call these paper products "Flimsy Cups" and be done with it. That should keep angry BLM members less angry.

Samsung.

Why should the name have "Sam" in it? That's generally thought to be a man's name and that means it's sexist. Let's go with "Shaquannasung" or "Nzingazung," both beginning with beautiful African female names and ending in a verb describing what they did.

Scotch Tape and Irish Spring Soap.

This is obvious, isn't it? We have to forevermore call it "White Supremacist Cellophane Tape." We can call Irish Spring Soap "White Supremacist Soap." Problem solved.

Louisville Slugger.

I can see it being renamed  a 'Racist Slugger.' You can almost hear a white BLM dude calling to his buddy, "Hey, Ken, hand me that damn "Racist Slugger" while I go talk with that lady thinking we're not going to break into her store."

Internet companies will also be in the mix.

Reddit can be renamed "Red and Proud."  Google can now be called "Gorky." Amazon can be called "Black Female Warriors Corporation."

And to ice the cake, we can start calling IBM by the new name, BLM.

I welcome your suggestions in the comment section/


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