"Bernie and Comatose sitting in a tree"

If by some crazy chance, some improbable, whacky, US-gone-to-hell-in-a-handbasket horrible chance, Communist Senator Bernie Sanders becomes the next president of the United States, he promises that fellow Commie Rep. Alexandria Obviously-Comatose (D-NY) would play a key role in his White House.

Now by key role in the White House it's possible Sanders meant that she would be serving drinks at parties with his administration, that would make perfect sense. If, on the other hand, he would have AOC as his economic advisor, that would be the end of the country as we know it. 

Sanders (Idiot-VT via Brooklyn) told ABC News on Monday that his campaign sidekick, 'Sandy from the Bronx,' "Wood be very impawtent to my admischtrashun."

In terms of specifics, Sanders was non-committal, but said that Ocasio-Cortez would have a significant role in shaping both domestic and foreign policy in a Sanders administration.

“Look, I’ve said this before, let me say it again," the geriatric Sanders said in his thick, silly-sounding Brooklyn accent, "and I don’t want you to hear this because your head will explode,” Sanders claimed in the joint interview with the Communist freshman New York congresswoman. “I don’t know of any person who, in the cawse of less than one year, has had more of an impact on American politics as a freshman member of Congress than she has,” he said in reference to her Green New Deal, a proposal that received not one vote from either party and calls for the killing of farting cows, upgrading every building in the country, and secretly plans for the complete government takeover of all businesses.

“It’s not only that she has focus on the real issues impacting the American people, like climate change, the usury rates that Wall Street are charging working people in this country, but she has been an inspiration to working people all across this country and to young people in particular,” Sanders gushed.

“I happen to believe that the future of this country depends on young people becoming increasingly involved in the political process and there’s nobody I know that can do a bettah job inspiring young people than Alexandria,” he continued.

“If I’m in the White House, she will play a very, very, very, very impawtint role. No question. One way or another, absolutely, positively, indubitably yeah, sure, sure . . . pass the pudding.” Sanders concluded, acknowledging that her role could be a “Cabinet-level” position or White House bartender.

AOC was among the first of the Congressional progressives to endorse Sanders, and has since brought fellow anti-Semitic “squad” members, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI), along for the wild and tumultuous ride. Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-MA), the hanger-on of the squad and fourth member bucked the Bernie trend with a more logical endorsement, throwing her support behind Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). Oh, and don't be fooled about the anti-Semitism comment--Bernie is as Jewish as the Ayatollah is Catholic, and he is clearly anti-Israel, which makes him cool in the eyes of the "squad."

Sanders has clearly reaped benefits from AOC’s support, commanding more headlines and drawing more supporters to his events because people love a great freak show.

Sanders' campaign re-launch came a little over a week before he suffered a mild heart attack. Bets are being taken as to whether he will live long enough to see President Trump finish out his second term.

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