Wednesday, August 28, 2019

BREAKING: Gillibrand drops out of 2020 race: may go into tee shirt business

"Oh yeah? Sit down and shut up!"
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) who gave out Gillibrand tee shirts for everyone who had not previously donated to her campaign to give at least one dollar so that she would be qualified for the third debate on September 12, has announced Wednesday that she was dropping out of the race. Sadly for her, and happily for the nation, the New York senator who inherited Hillary Clinton's seat when she ran for president and lost to Donald Trump, did not qualify for the debate.

This leaves Gillibrand with enough tee shirts to start a small business and perhaps make enough money to try another White House run in the future.

“I think being able to have a voice on a debate stage, when other candidates have that, is really important,” the 52-year-old Gillibrand said. “And without it, I just didn’t see our path,” speaking of herself in the plural.

Gillibrand said that while she would support the eventual Democratic nominee whoever it may be, she would be particularly excited to see the party nominate a woman, because having a woman is more important than having the best person in the job. Of course, that could be a woman, but gender or any form of identity politics is a stupid way to vote.

“I think that women have a unique ability to bring people together and heal this country. I think a woman nominee would be inspiring and exciting.” she said. “I will support whoever the nominee is, and I will do whatever it takes to beat Trump.”

The clueless senator said she plans to endorse one of the other Democratic primary candidates, although she would not reveal whom because she's waiting to see who has the best chance of securing her a position in the administration.

Former Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) had no comment.

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