'Spouting Bull's' fundraising director quits

Senator Elizabeth "Spouting Bull" Warren's (D-MA) fundraising director has called it quits and has left her 2020 presidential campaign. This leaves her with only her husband and a handful of hardline Native American supporters in her camp as her numbers continue to circle the bowl.

A former newspaper now said to make excellent canary cage liner known as The New York Times,  reported that Warren's finance director, Michael Pratt, was jumping ship because he was hamstrung by the former Native American's decision to refuse big money fundraisers during the presidential primary.

Pratt's decision purportedly came after a "heated" staff meeting on Valentine's Day—less than a week after Warren entered the presidential race and drank a beer on camera after greeting her husband in their own home.

At the meeting, "Pratt noted that campaigns often collapse when they run out of money and begged "Spouting Bull" not to cut off a significant cash stream," the Times reported. "He pointed out that winning over wealthy fund-raisers across the country helped build networks that could translate into political support, not just checks."

Where's good old capitalism when you need it?

Pratt's argument lost out to that of the campaign's chief of staff, Dan Geldon, and digital strategist, Joe Rospars, who contended that abandoning the big donors would help the former Native American stand out in the crowded 2020 field.

What they might have said instead was that the decision might have Warren standing out in a field among the farting cows.

Although Pratt resigned after the meeting, Warren told CNN on Sunday that he was "still a consultant but winding things down." There is no way to fact-check Warren on this claim, but if history teaches us anything, it's that we must take "Spouting Bull's" claims with a grain of maze.

In late February, Warren announced in a Medium post that her presidential primary campaign would be "run on the principle of equal access."

Warren's Mee Maw 

"That means no fancy receptions or big money fundraisers only with people who can write the big checks," the post reads. "When I thank the people giving to my campaign, it will not be based on the size of their donation. It means that wealthy donors won't be able to purchase better seats or one-on-one time with me at our events. And it means I won't be doing ‘call time,' which is when candidates take hours to call wealthy donors to ask for their support. As a candidate for president, the expectation is you make hours of these calls a week and attend dozens of these exclusive events every quarter." Then she added, "I think I'll go now and have me a beer."

No other candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination has taken such a naive pledge. To date, it is unclear if Pratt's concerns will be proved correct as the first quarter fundraising deadline for presidential candidates has yet to pass. Warren's campaign, however, has remained silent in recent weeks over how much her campaign has already raised, but sources close to her have suggested that it's in the tens of hundreds.

Meanwhile, Communist useless person Bernie Sanders [pronounced "Sandahs"] has made good use of capitalism and has garnered over $18 million, compared to what is believe to be Warren's $438.23.

She ought to go out and meet her some butter, 'cause she is toast.

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