Haqqani network leader dead: Taliban

Always with the pen in his vest and food
in his beard

According to the Taliban, Jalaludin Haqqani, the founder of Afghan terrorist group the Haqqani network in Afghanistan and finder of something growing in his beard, is dead after a long illness similar to "The Willies."

Haqqani was once an ally of the U.S. but became affiliated with both the Taliban and Al Qaeda. It has been described as the top security threat in Afghanistan [pronounced 'Afghaaahneestaahn" by Christiane Amanpour].

Jalaludin Haqqani's network had been paralyzed for over ten years and was declared a terrorist organization [reluctantly] by the United States in 2012 by the Obama administration. Haqqani himself had not surfaced for several years and in 2015 reports of his death were exaggerated.

But the Taliban [you should hear how Amanpour pronounces this one] confirmed his death and asks that in lieu of flowers people should go out and kill an infidel.

Zabihullah Mujahed, a spokesman for the Taliban told the Associated Press via telephone Tuesday that Haqqani died on Monday inside Afghanistan and called him a religious scholar and exemplary warrior.

And if you don't think that Islam calls on believers to go out and kill non- believers, you don't know jack, and you don't know Islam.


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