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Saturday, July 8, 2017

Merkel okay with having riots in Hamburg at G20

German Chancellor Angela Merkel defended her decision to host the G20 summit in Hamburg, Germany's second largest city and the inventor of the delicious and famous Frankfurter. 

After all the rioting, looting, burning of private businesses and basic anarchy in the streets of that once lovely town, not to mention the over 200 police who were hurt in the rioting as well as the rioters, Merkel has promised taxpayer money for store owners, but said nothing about what she wants to do for the injured cops.

Angela spoke at the end of the summit and told the press that, from purely a logical point of view, the G20 gathering had to be held in a large city to accommodate the hordes of rioters they expected. "Imagine those hot, sweaty bodies of angry protesters all stuck in a tiny area with their Molotov cocktails and signs about how capitalism is destroying dictatorships. Why they would go berserk and burn even more private businesses and perhaps even kill each other," Merkel ruminated.

"Hamburg was chosen as a symbol of trade and openness where people from all walks of life could do what they want, even if it's to simply fire up a fat one and enjoy the rising smoke," the Chancellor added. "Hamburg was chosen because the city of 1.7 million contains our largest port and richest state per capita income.

"Und let's face it," she said, "just because over 200 brave police were injured and 260 or so protesters were detained, along mit der looting und car burning, is not a gut vay to remember Hamburg," she said, lapsing into Germglish for a moment.

She then pulled out an index card given to her by the Obama administration on Barack's visit to Germany and read: "I condemn in the strongest terms the unchained violence and unrestrained brutality that the police faced repeatedly during the G20."

Barack Obama and John Kerry would have been proud of those brave words.