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Monday, July 10, 2017

CNN: "Bertha is dead because of Trump"

Bertha, thinking about her lost mate
Manila -- Bertha, the world's oldest hippopotamus has died at the Philippine zoo. Bertha, who was best known for her poor eyesight and olympic-size poops, has quietly passed away at the age of 65.

The 4,500 pound Bertha was found in her prison-like enclosure Friday. A post mortem examination concluded that the hippo, the zoo's oldest resident, even older than the turtles, had died from multiple organ failure, according to zoo director James Dichaves. 

"Bertha was among the pioneer animals here. Her mate died sometime in the 1980s and the couple failed to produce any offspring," Dichaves said.

It was understood that Bertha and her mate were often at odds with each other over her failure to bare a baby hippo. 

However CNN believes that President Trump was secretly involved in the animal's death and have two anonymous sources to put him in Manila at the time of Bertha's death.

Zoo officials have not confirmed this but they agree that a man with a plan and hair "that looked like the deck of an aircraft carrier" was seen sneaking around Bertha's enclosure a few days ago--around the same time Trump had Ivanka stand in for him at the G20.

"He coulda made it to Manila and offed the fat hippo while his daughter held his seat," CNN's anonymous source, who we will refer to as Vinny Boombots, said.

Bertha arrived at the zoo in 1959, the same year that "Bozo the Clown" a live children's show, premiers on TV, and Swiss men vote against voting rights for women. Sadly, the zoo lost Bertha's records of where she was born.

Sounds like a Democratic situation.

Donna (no relation to Donna Brazile) died in 2012 at age 62 at the US Mesker Park Zoo and Botanic Garden in Evansville, Indiana. She was said to be the world's oldest hippo if you believe the media reports at that time.

Bertha's death touched off a wave of sympathy on social media by people who get along better with animals they've never met and who often anthropomorphize them when they have met.

Animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) criticized the zoo's "cruelty" for having "imprisoned" Bertha and preventing her from doing what she loves best: running and crapping around the jungle and doing her level best not to get eaten by predators.