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Thursday, January 26, 2017

Hannity meets with Trump: a fake take on the interview

President Trump sat down with Fox News' Sean Hannity tonight and I think I might be able to predict some of what they're going to discuss. I may be wrong, but I still think it'll be fun to try. So below is my predicted dialog between the two titans of something.

Sean Hannity (SH): Hello, Mr. President. Thank you for doing this interview with me.

Donald Trump (DT): Hello Sean. 

SH: I want to put your mind at ease, Mr. President, I will not ask you any questions that I believe may be hard for you to answer. So here's my first question: I carry a gun. I've carried a handgun for years and I have a permit and I'm a very good shot. Do people like me, a guy who spent ten years in construction, have to worry about having my gun taken from me?

DT: Absolutely not, Sean. I'm very, very big on the Second Amendment and I support the NRA and our country's history of people carrying guns, big league. With me as your president, you will never have to worry about your right to carry a gun.

SH: That's great to hear. So here's another in the short time we have: some people say that you will take away the rights of women. I say they're crazy, but seriously, do women have to worry that you'll take away their rights like they do in countries like Saudi Arabia where women can't drive or leave their home without a male escort, and it takes the testimony of four men to convict a rapist?

DT: I love women. Women are amazing and they're an important part of the country's fabric. Women have babies and add beauty to our country. In fact, more women voted for me than any other Republican in the history of the world. I'm very, very woman oriented. Let me assure you and every American woman out there, Sean, that I will never, never stop women from driving or leaving their homes alone. And as far a s rape is concerned, I hate rape. I hate it and I don't want men raping women here. Women will never need the testimony of four men to convict a rapist of rape. I'm exploring how many men it should take and I'll get back to you on that sometime next week at the latest.

SH: On your tax reduction . . . I like my one cent tax plan, but seriously, I forgot how it worked. Next question: global warming--thoughts.

DT: Sean, we have bigger fish to fry than worry about global warming, and the facts aren't all in on that. 

SH: Okay. Let's move on to radical Islamic terrorism. You're the first president to call it like it is. Radical Islam. How do you plan to eradicate it completely?

DT: I'm going to have our military bomb the sh** out of them. Then we kill their goats and kids.

SH: You're going to get a lot of push back on killing kids, Mr. President.

DT: I'm talking young goats, not human kids. Out military is the greatest on the face of the earth and probably on any planet in the galaxy, believe me. We can definitely decimate them and once we do that, we go after the Taliban. 

SH: Have you ever heard the way former President Obama pronounced Taliban? He calls it the 'Tahleebahn.' It's the same way he says Pakistan--he pronounces it 'Pahkeestahn.' Isn't that the way some Muslims pronounce it.

DT: Let's not go there Sean.

And for more, you'll need to tune in to Fox News tonight (Thursday) at 10:00 p.m. It should be a blast.