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Monday, April 11, 2016

Dubai WiFi fatwa

Dubai, UAE -- Dubai's religious Islamic authorities say that stealing WiFi from your neighbor's router is un-Islamic. Under sharia (aka Islamic law) when a person steal, say, a loaf of bread, the thief has his hands chopped off. 

With WiFi the punishment is not so clear. Perhaps they remove his mouse or monitor so he or she cannot put in a password.

The real problem is that it's too easy stealing WiFi in Islamic countries. Everyone's password is "Mohammad" or "Muhammed," or some derivative of Mohammed. Mahmoud perhaps.

So now Dubai's Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities Department has declareda fatwa. 

Fatwas come in all colors. There can be a fatwa issued to say, kill Salman Rushdie for writing a book called "Satanic Verses," or a fatwa issued to kill the guy who put pig's blood on a wall of a mosque. There can be a fatwa against people who have negative opinions about jihad murder, blatant Islamic anti-Semitism, and the like. 

Fatwas are easy to declare if you're an imam.

The fatwa declared by Dubai's Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities Department was available online on the department's website, but an infidel hacker stealing free WiFi from a neighbor deleted it with this message:
"I will continue stealing WiFi wherever I find it. You will never find me for I will be like an invisible camel on the desert of darkness. Others will pay for the WiFi that I will take from them. They will be like geeks without chickens. Allahu Akbar!"
Dubai's Islamic Affairs and Charitable Activities Department deals with many religious questions asked by readers of the online blog. When the reader asking about the WiFi situation posted the question as to whether or not it was okay to steal WiFi, the department said, "There is nothing wrong in using the line if your neighbors allow you to do so, but if they don't allow you, you may not use it."

"This is heavy, philosophical stuff," said John Brennan, Director of the CIA and visitor of the Hajj, a place where only Muslims may visit. "Imagine the immense thought that went into saying that using your neighbor's WiFi without their permission is stealing. I wonder what gets cut off in this instance if they get caught," Brennan said.