Sunday, May 31, 2015

John Kerry falls from bike, blames Bush

Secretary of State John Kerry crashed his bike, broke his femur, and blamed George W. Bush for the mishap.
Remember kids, always look where
 you're going. Never be like this guy.

Kerry said in a statement made as he was being flown by helicopter to HUG, Geneva's main hospital: "Ahhhh, dammit. If that freaking George Bush wasn't such a damn jock, and I hadn't tried to outdo him, none of this crap would have happened and I would have ahhhh, secured world peace at the nuclear talks. Owwww! Be careful, you stupid schmuck!"

The last comment was made to the paramedic carrying the wounded SoS to the hospital where he is expected to make a full recovery.

Kerry had to cancel the remainder of his four-nation, high mileage with super bonus points trip and will fly back to Boston for Obamacare treatment--oh wait--government officials don't require Obamacare, our taxes pay for their biking screw-ups and other medical problems.


Durward Kirby, not John
State Department spokesman John Kirby (no relation to Durward) claimed Kerry is stable medically and never lost consciousness, but he did not comment on the Secretary's mental state, which, since the Vietnam hearings, is questionable to conservatives and other non-leftists.

Kerry is allegedly in good spirits without even one hair plug out of place. He dirty-joked with staff at the hospital and vowed that he would get back up on the bike.

The accident happened near the town of Scionzier, France just a stone's throw from the Swiss border. (Ironically, the Swiss border is relatively secure whereas the USA border looks like Swiss cheese.)

Kerry apparently wasn't paying attention to where he was going, much like the way the administration is doing the same regarding the nation, and his bike struck a curb, causing him to go ass-over-teakettle onto the hard ground, breaking his right femur and causing him to scream out former President George W. Bush's name along with several Navy-style expletives he learned when defending America against the Vietnam communist scourge 'back in the day'.

So Kerry will not meet with Spanish leaders nor attend a Paris conference on the Islamic State. He will not deal with the terrorist threat facing the world, including the United States. 

However, the day prior to his accident, he met Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad (seriously) Javad Zarif for 6 hours in a Geneva hotel tap dancing for Zarif to get Iran to seal a comprehensive accord by June 30.

Zarif told Mr. Kerry: "Dancing and having fun is un-Islamic. Sit down, you idiot."

Now Kerry will be doing a lot more sitting.

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