Showing posts with label Kim Jong Un. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim Jong Un. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

North Korea Updates Constitution To Automatically Nuke Everyone If Anyone So Much As Looks At Kim Jong Un Funny


PYONGYANG—In a bold move to ensure that the glorious eternal paradise of North Korea remains a thriving utopia even after its Dear Leader is turned into radioactive confetti, the hermit kingdom has amended its constitution to legally require a full-scale retaliatory nuclear strike in the event that Kim Jong Un is assassinated by any meddling foreign power.

The aggressive pivot comes as a direct response to the events of February 28th, when a joint U.S. and Israeli military operation resulted in the death of Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei and his inner circle during a targeted strike on his Tehran compound. North Korean officials reportedly watched the footage on state TV, paused it, rewound it, and immediately said, “Yeah, we’re not doing that.”

By codifying this “dead hand” policy, Pyongyang aims to establish an irreversible deterrent against decapitation strikes, signaling that the removal of its leadership would trigger an automatic and catastrophic escalation to “everyone has a very bad day.”

“If the command-and-control system over the state’s nuclear forces is placed in danger by hostile forces’ attacks … a nuclear strike shall be launched automatically and immediately,” read the revised Article 3 of North Korea’s nuclear-policy law.

The constitutional revision was likely ratified during a session of North Korea’s Supreme People’s Assembly that convened in Pyongyang on March 22nd, with the details subsequently briefed to senior South Korean government officials who probably responded with a polite golf clap and several stiff drinks.

According to reporting by the New York Times, this information was only disclosed to the public last week. While Kim Jong Un already maintains absolute authority over the nation’s nuclear arsenal—along with the nation’s haircuts, the nation’s emotions, and the nation’s supply of functioning light bulbs—this specific constitutional amendment codifies a formal protocol for the nuclear forces to follow in the event of his assassination, presumably by turning every missile silo into a giant “Launch If Fat Man Dies” button.

By explicitly outlining these retaliatory measures, the update transforms a matter of personal command into a rigid state directive, ensuring a definitive response even in the absence of the supreme leader. Because nothing says “stable regime” like guaranteeing mutually assured destruction from beyond the grave.

“This may have been policy before, but it has added emphasis now it has been enshrined in the constitution. Iran was the wake-up call. North Korea saw the remarkable efficiency of the U.S.-Israeli decapitation attacks, which immediately eliminated the greater part of the Iranian leadership, and they must now be terrified,” said Andrei Lankov, an international relations professor at Kookmin University in Seoul, South Korea.

In addition to the new nuclear protocols, the constitutional revision includes amendments that formally define North Korea’s sovereign territory and excise long-standing references to “peaceful reunification,” which was always code for “we’ll invade them the second they let their guard down.”

Notably, the update to Article 2 marks the first time the country has incorporated a specific territorial clause into its constitution, explicitly stating that North Korea’s boundaries encompass the land bordering the People’s Republic of Korea and the Russian Federation to the north and the Republic of Korea to the south.

According to analysts, this geographical clarification serves to legally solidify the permanent division of the peninsula and represents Pyongyang’s rejection of a shared national identity with Seoul. Or, in simpler terms: “We hate you guys, please stay on your side of the DMZ, and if you kill our God-King we will glass the planet. Thanks.”

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Friday, May 23, 2025

Kim goes ballistic after 5k ton warship capsizes as he watches: LOL anybody?



North Korea’s second naval destroyer [the NK Glub-Glub-Gurgle] was severely damaged as Kim Jong Un watched the launch. It was a veritable clusterfrack.

Kim watched as the 5,000-ton warship capsized at the northeastern port of Chongjin on Wednesday amid efforts to modernize the country’s naval forces.

According to the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), Kim blamed military officials, scientists, and shipyard operators for a “serious accident and criminal act caused by absolute carelessness, irresponsibility, and unscientific empiricism.” Surprisingly, he did not blame U.S. President Donald Trump, but that doesn't mean "The View" won't go that route.

The damaged warship is believed to carry nuclear-capable ballistic and cruise missiles which Kim is hoping would work better than the boat launch.


Kim ordered urgent restoration, linking the ship's recovery to national authority, and ordered the trusty punishment mine field to be loaded up again to see if the guilty parties can make it through to the other end before getting blown up.

The leader for life called for a ruling Workers’ Party meeting in June to address their “irresponsible errors.” 

The state media outlet confirmed that, during the ceremony, “a serious accident occurred.”

They did not provide details on the exact cause of the issue or whether anyone was injured, but knowing what we know about Kim and his methods of discipline, the injuries they might have incurred would be nothing compared to what Kim would unleash on them.


In a statement, KCNA said: “Due to immature command and operational negligence, the parallel movement of the bogies could not be guaranteed, resulting in the launching sled in the stern detaching first and causing the ship to capsize.

“The ship’s balance was destroyed due to a rupture in the hull in some sections, and the bow section was unable to detach from the keel.”


Kim, who has ruled with an iron fist since 2011, said the restoration of the warship “must be completed unconditionally” before June. He described restoration as "urgent" and that it wasn't just a practical problem but “a political issue directly related to the authority of the country.”

One person on "Bored Panda" wrote: "This is what happens when you order warships off Temu."

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Sunday, December 29, 2024

Rocket Man vows toughest anti-US policy before Trump is sworn in



North Korean dictator for life, Kim Jong Un, has promised the "toughest" anti-U.S. policy that he is implementing just prior to President-elect Donald Trump taking office.

Although Trump met with Kim three times during his first presidency, it's likely he will be more involved with the conflicts in the Middle East and Ukraine, and Kim's support for Russia in the latter war will be a huge challenge for Trump when trying to rekindle diplomatic relationships.

The ruling Worker's Party held a five-day meeting that ended Friday in which Kim referred to the U.S. as “the most reactionary state that regards anti-communism as its invariable state policy.” Kim [aka Rocket Man] said that the U.S.-South Korea-Japan security partnership is expanding into “a nuclear military bloc for aggression."

“This reality clearly shows to which direction we should advance and what we should do and how,” the chubby ruler said, according to the official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA).

The KCNA said Kim's speech “clarified the strategy for the toughest anti-U.S. counteraction to be launched aggressively” by North Korea for its long-term national interests and security.

KCNA didn't go into detail about the anti-U.S. strategy. However, it mentioned that Kim outlined tasks to enhance military capability through advances in defense technology and emphasized the importance of strengthening the mental resilience of North Korean soldiers.

The previous meetings between Trump and Kim not only ended their exchanges of heated words and threats of destruction but also built personal connections. Trump once famously said he and Kim “fell in love.” However, their discussions fell apart in 2019, as they disagreed over U.S.-led sanctions on North Korea.

Since then, North Korea has ramped up its weapons testing to create more dependable nuclear missiles aimed at the U.S. and its allies. In response, the U.S. and South Korea have broadened their joint military exercises, including trilateral drills with Japan, which North Korea sees as rehearsals for an invasion.

Efforts to persuade North Korea to give up its nuclear weapons in exchange for economic and political benefits are further complicated by its growing military ties with Russia.

According to reports from the U.S., Ukraine, and South Korea, North Korea has sent over 10,000 troops and conventional weapons to aid Moscow’s conflict with Ukraine. There's a worry that Russia might provide North Korea with advanced weapons technology in return, helping them to build more potent nuclear missiles.

Ukrainian President-dictator Volodymyr Zelenskyy stated last week that 3,000 North Korean soldiers have been killed or injured in the fighting in Russia's Kursk region. This was the first notable estimate by Ukraine of North Korean losses since their deployment to Russia started in October.

Russia and China, each facing their own conflicts with the U.S., have consistently blocked U.S.-led attempts to impose additional U.N. sanctions on North Korea, despite its ongoing missile tests which violate U.N. Security Council resolutions.

Last month, Kim remarked that his previous negotiations with the United States only reinforced Washington’s “unchangeable” hostility towards his nation, and he described his nuclear expansion as the sole defense against external threats.



Friday, April 12, 2024

Kim Jong Un promises 'death blow' to his enemies, ignores our VIC


North Korea Supreme Leader for Life Kim Jong Un, held a meeting with his military officials last week and vowed an overwhelming assault on any possible enemy, totally ignoring the U.S. VIC [Vegetable In Chief] Joe Biden's request for "compamanonopan" [i.e., cooperation].

Kim made the statement on Wednesday while speaking at Kim Jong-il University of Military and Politics (Go Emaciates!) as reported by Yonhap News Agency. They said that Kim was poised to make a "death blow" to enemies.

"[Kim Jong Un] said that now is the time to be more thoroughly prepared for a war than ever before and that the DPRK should be more firmly and perfectly prepared for a war, which should be won without fail, not just for a possible war," North Korean state media reported.

"DPRK" stands for "Democratic People's Republic of Korea," the country's official name, but it's an oxymoron to believe that it belongs to the people.

"It is an immutable law of war victory to neutralize the numerical and military and technical superiority of the enemy by means of superiority in ideology and war methods," Kim Jong Un said in Korean, thoroughly confusing himself and Yonhap News Agency.

He reportedly added that "now is the time to be more thoroughly prepared for a war than ever before and that the DPRK should be more firmly and perfectly prepared for a war, which should be won without fail, not just for a possible war."

The dictator's aggressive tone shoots down any prospect of cooling tensions growing between North Korea, Japan, South Korea, and the U.S.

Alleged U.S. President Joe Biden mumbled an appeal Wednesday for Kim to accept a Japanese proposal for international talks.

"We welcome the opportunity of our allies to initiate dialogue with the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea," Biden mush-mouthed during a joint press conference with Kishida. "As I’ve said many times, we’re open to dialogue ourselves without preconditions with the DPRK."

"The window of a discussion with North Korea is open," Kishida said at the same conference. "The establishment of a meaningful relationship between Japan and North Korea is in the interests of both Japan and North Korea and it could be hugely beneficial to the peace and stability of the region."

North Korea has taken an even more caustic international posture than usual in recent months, abandoning its symbolic goal of reunification with South Korea and declaring them their "primary foe" and "principal enemy."


Friday, November 24, 2023

Kim's rocket goes BOOM! during launch and it was caught on camera


Stage One of a North Korean rocket exploded on Tuesday during a alleged spy satellite launch, a video that captured the event shows. The camera, normally used for tracking meteors or shooting stars, was from South Korea's Yonsei University [Go Jajangmyeons!]. The video showed the first stage of the North Korean Chollima-1 rocket appearing to erupt and spread debris, Reuters reported on Friday.

"This time they appear to have detonated the first stage propellant in mid-air," Byun Yong-Ik, an astronomy professor at Yonsei University, told Reuters. "This kind of measure was not seen in the previous launch attempts, and it could have been an effort to prevent South Korean and U.S. authorities from recovering the (rocket), as it is equipped with a new engine."

The activity was classified as unusual by North Korean rocket experts in the report.

The U.S. Space Force, a branch of the military initiated by former President Donald Trump, cataloged an object in orbit matching the trajectory of the launch, suggesting the spy satellite is actually in space, astronomer Jonathan McDowell posted Tuesday on X.

McDowell, who is based at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, also tracks worldwide space launches, landings and re-entries.

Following North Korea's claims of the successful spy satellite launch on Tuesday, senior U.S. officials and the Biden White House condemned the activity and even wagged their fingers.

White House officials released a statement saying the launch on Tuesday was "a brazen violation of multiple UN (United Nations) Security Council resolutions, raises tensions, and risks destabilizing the security situation in the region and beyond."

South Korea is planning its own first spy satellite for launch later in November, on a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launching from Vandenberg Space Force Base.

Sunday, April 30, 2023

N. Korea insults Biden and warns of "serious danger"


Kim Yo Jong, the skinny yet powerful sister of North Korea's Kim Jong Un, has warned that the new U.S.-South Korea defense agreement threatens regional peace and said Saturday to state media that the alleged President Joseph Robinette Biden should be ready for "far too great an after-storm." She added that the agreement would only lead to "more serious danger."

South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol was in Washington earlier last week to seek security assurances from Biden, and will he promise not to lie to them like he often does about everything.

After the summit on Wednesday, Biden claimed that any North Korean nuclear attack on the US or its allies would "result in the end of whatever regime" took such action.

Kim Yo Jong said that the summit actually strengthened North Korea's resolve to enhance its nuclear arms capabilities and that a nuclear deterrent "should be brought to further perfection." Iran is also working on that category of 'perfection.'

One of the promises by the US is to have US nuclear submarines make port calls in South Korea, for the first time in over 40 years.

Inspiring confidence and trust

The two countries also committed to plans for bilateral presidential consultations in the event of a nuclear attack from North Korea, the establishment of a nuclear consultative group and improved information exchange.

Kim, who is North Korea's top foreign policy official, stated that the agreement reflected the "most hostile and aggressive will of action" against North Korea and threatens regional peace and security, reported KCNA, the state media agency.

She also described President Biden as senile and "too miscalculating and irresponsibly brave." She is correct about the senile part, but brave is a communist lie.

She added that Pyongyang wouldn't simply dismiss his words and that he "should be prepared for far too great an after-storm." 

The only after-storm Biden experiences is what happens an hour after his oatmeal.

Biden's meeting with President Yoon came amid the increased tension in the Korean Peninsula.

In a historical, flip-off of a sanction-defying move, North Korea test-fired about 100 missiles since the start of 2022 and Kim Jong Un is likely to increase those numbers soon as he continues to flaunt North Korea's nuclear capabilities.

Meanwhile, South Korea isn't sitting on its haunches as it has increased military training with the US and calling on nuclear scientists to increase production of weapons-grade material.

Friday, March 24, 2023

Kim Jong Un may execute bodyguard for letting him go out with schmutz on his jacket



A North Korean bodyguard may be executed or worse for allowing the fair and honorable leader for life, Kim Jong Un to go outside with a powdery substance on his jacket without telling him. This is almost as bad as the time another former bodyguard did not inform Kim that he had toilet paper stuck to his shoe. This bodyguard was punished with "Death by a Thousand Cuts," and his family was punished by having to go out in public with toilet paper hanging from the back of their pants for life.

The latest faux pas occurred last week when Kim was watching a missile launch as propaganda photos captured him looking over a balcony. But lo and behold, the supreme exalted and wonderful leader for life had schmutz on his jacket in the form of a mysterious white powder similar to the kind that is often seen in photos of Hunter Biden's nostrils.

Kim was publicly humiliated and that doesn't bode well for the person whose job it was to make certain that the leader always looked like he had his stuff together.

North Korean expert Michael Madden explained that those “responsible” for Kim Jong-un’s wardrobe malfunction could be sentenced to hard labour or even execution. It all depends on Kim's mood of the day.

Earlier this month, an unintelligent intelligence agent faced the possibility of a firing squad after being caught using internet privileges to Google the leader. Had he Googled "Google," there's no telling what might have occurred.

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Kim Jong Un readies NoKo for nuclear attack on US , SoKo



North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has demanded his hermit kingdom be ready to launch a nuclear attack as he accuses the U.S. and South Korea of carrying out military drills with U.S. nuclear assets, according to his propaganda media.

Kim's shoulder-rolling, ball-grabbing bravado carried by state media KCNA, came after his country launched a short-range ballistic missile toward the sea on Sunday. The missile streaked across the electricity-poor country and killed many fishes off its east coast, according to South Korean and Japanese assessments. They reported the missile traveled about 500 miles.

Kim oversaw the test. He was never very good at taking tests in school but said this exercise improved the military's war capability and highlighted the need to ensure its readiness posture for any "immediate and overwhelming nuclear counterattack" through performing such exercises. 

KCNA quoted the fearless chubster as saying the North "urgently" needed to bolster up its nuclear war deterrence exponentially as the enemies "are getting ever more pronounced in their moves for aggression against" his country, as if anyone cares to take it over.

"The nuclear force of the DPRK will strongly deter, control and manage the enemy's reckless moves and provocations with its high war readiness, and carry out its important mission without hesitation in case of any unwanted situation," Kim said.

The U.S. and South Korea have been carrying out military exercises as both country's navies and marine corps began their first large-scale Ssangyong amphibious assault exercises on Monday for the first time in five years. This will go on until April 3rd.

Kim views these exercises as a dress rehearsal to invade his country.

In another dispatch, KCNA said more than 1.4 million North Koreans have forcibly 'volunteered' to join or re-enlist in the military to fight against South Korean and US troops – up from some 800,000 enlistees reported over the weekend.

"Volunteer or die!"

Monday, March 13, 2023

Kim Jong Un has agent face firing squad for Googling 'Kim Jong Un'


If you google Kim Jong Un you would learn that he wasn't a very good student at the Liebefeld Steinhölzli state school in Köniz near Bern, Switzerland. His grades actually kind of sucked and he is very protective over all the information one might find on Google.

Kim is so protective, in fact, that a North Korean agent who actually did google his name is now facing a firing squad. At least he isn't being sent off on a pogostick in a minefield, I guess.

The fact is, nobody in the hermit kingdom is allowed to use the internet without authorization from the big guy--no, not Biden--Kim.

But this poor guy isn't the only one caught surfing the web as several others from the regime's hush-hush Bureau 10 have been caught with their pants down surfing the web--figuratively, of course.

The regime does all it can to keep its citizens from learning about the outside world and this even includes its agents.


A secret source said the agents were ratted out by a colleague in a Dwight Schrute [of The Office] type of move. The rat was from the Ministry of State Security who didn't get the job belting out "Sound of Music" parodies on YouTube.

And while searching the web in North Korea is really wrong for those who bought green bananas and expect to eat them once they're ripe, falling asleep in a meeting headed by the supreme leader for life and a Dennis Rodman buddy, can make you the moving target for anti-aircraft gun practice.

The secret source said: 'Bureau 10 departments are given access to the internet, which had allowed agents to turn off their search word recording devices and search the web as much as they like without issue.

"But after a new bureau chief took over, even these previously routine issues have turned into major incidents." 

Even public whistling or carrying a happy tune can get you ten hard ones in the NoKo slammer.

Greg Scarlatoiu, director of the Committee for Human Rights in North Korea, said the regime's information firewall was falling apart. "Even the most trusted agents of the Kim regime are now attempting to access information from the outside world," he said.

And then the secret source told of even worse atrocities that cannot be mentioned here, but use your imagination as to what one can do with a decent pair of pliers, dry ice, and jalipiños while listening to 'The Greatest Hits of Tiny Tim.'


Sunday, February 19, 2023

NoKo fires off ICBM capable of destroying California's French Laundry restaurant



While the Biden administration is feverishly shooting down Chinese spy balloons and Party City mylar party balloons with Sidewinder missiles that cost $450,000 a pop, North Korea quietly launched an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) that has the capability of hitting California a few days ago.

So with all the talk of China, balloons, Ukraine, Putin and people jumping out of Russian windows in an attempt to fly, we seem to be taking our eyes off the ball . . . istics. 

The nuclear-capable Hwasong-15 flew to an altitude of over 3,500 in flight then fell back down into the ocean between North Korea and Japan. The flight lasted over an hour.

Kim described the test as a demonstration of his “fatal nuclear attack capacity”  that "kill long time." Analysts think the Hwasong-15 can reach mainland USA if fired at a normal launch trajectory and utterly destroy the delusions of progressive Americans. And then there's Chinese balloons and finger traps. 



North Korea said Sunday its latest ICBM test was meant to further bolster its “fatal” nuclear attack capacity against its rivals, as it threatened additional powerful steps in response to the planned military training between the United States and South Korea, to which Rear Admiral Rachel Levine said, "Booster shots prevent the spread of COVID-19. I'm wearing pearls underneath my dress."

North Korea’s official Korean Central News Agency said its launch of this ICBM was organized “suddenly” without prior notice at the direct order of leader for life and Dennis Rodman goombah, Kim Jong Un.

After the NoKo test launch, the United States began its planned military exercises with South Korea, Japan, and other Asian allies. This was announced in advance and gave Kim shade for launching the ICBM. So let's get ready boys and girls--it's either going to be a war or a hockey game, but I repeat myself.


Wednesday, November 2, 2022

North Korea fired missiles toward South Korea who fired their own back at 'em



North Korea fired about a dozen missiles toward South Korea on Wednesday, one of which landed near the SoKo sea border. 

In response to the threat, South Korea launched its own "test" missiles.

The incident comes just hours after the hermit nation threatened to use nuclear weapons to have South Korea and the U.S. "pay the most horrible price in history," not counting Biden's Inflation Reduction Act. The catalyst for Kim Jong Un's rhetoric comes from the ongoing South Korean-U.S. military drills that the fat man views as an invasion rehearsal.

South Korea's Joint Chiefs of Staff said at least one of the missiles launched by North Korea landed less than 40 miles from the South Korean city of Sokcho on the east coast and 104 miles from Ulleung, where air raid warnings had sounded.

"We heard the siren at around 8:55 am and all of us in the building went down to the evacuation place in the basement," an Ulleung county official told Reuters. "We stayed there until we came upstairs at around 9:15 after hearing that the projectile fell into the high seas."

According to SoKo's Joint Chiefs of Staff, President Yoon Suk-yeol ordered a "swift response" to NoKo's latest threat.

Kim has demanded the U.S. and South Korea end large-scale military exercises around the peninsula because it evidently gives him the willies.

This was the closest a North Korean ballistic missile had landed near South Korean waters and things appear to be heating up between the two countries.

"Our military can never tolerate this kind of North Korea's provocative act, and will strictly and firmly respond under close South Korea-U.S. cooperation," South Korea's Joint Chiefs of Staff said in a news release.

The U.S. and South Korea began one of their largest combined military air drills on Monday, called Vigilant Storm, with hundreds of warplanes from both countries staging mock attacks 24 hours per day. This may be seen by Kim as a threat to his dictatorship and he reacted in a bellicose response.

President Biden spoke to our own Joint Chiefs of Staff on the situation saying, "I, uh, my son Beau died fighting the North Korean commies with Corn Pop by his side. Who?"

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North Korea has already test-fired a record number of missiles this year. The country has said a recent barrage of launches was in response to the military drills as Kim worries about his future.

Saturday, August 6, 2022

N. Korea reportedly ready to send 100,000 troops into Ukraine




There is a rumor that the extremists of North Korea are ready to get involved in the Russian invasion of Ukraine and may send in as many as 100,000 troops to help Putin. The report from Russia's state-owned Channel One ["We report, you go to hell"] said that NoKo is ready to send in high-charging volunteer soldiers to add to Russian forces, the New York Post reported. All the North Koreans are asking for in exchange is food and some microbe-free water.

“We shouldn’t be shy in accepting the hand extended to us by [the bulbous North Korean leader] Kim Jong Un,” Russian defense analyst Igor Korotchenko said on Channel One.

According to the Mirror, if North Korea sends troops, Russia would supply grain and energy to its struggling economy in return. They are also willing to negotiate terms involving the distribution of McDonald's gift certificates among the troops because it's hard to fight when your belly is fighting you.

The Mirror reported that North Korea is also ready to send builders to repair war damage.

A pro-Kremlin news agency reported that the North Korean soldiers would be sent to Ukraine’s eastern Donbas region, which Kim has recognized as independent from Ukraine.

Korotchenko noted that North Korea’s “wealth of experience with counter-battery warfare” could be helpful, the Post reported, and they could also supply the Russians with recipes featuring canine and feline meat such as grass con canine and other creative ideas.

Alleged U.S. President Joe Biden is reportedly preparing to send more HIMARS ammunition to Ukraine as part of a new $1 billion weapons package, but he initially misunderstood Ukraine's request and he accidentally sent Mallomar cookies, which made North Korean troops dangerously envious.

Korotchenko welcomed any North Korean involvement in the war, even if the Russians have to use Kim's troops as human shields.

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“If North Korea expresses a desire to meet its international duty to fight against Ukrainian fascism, we should let them,” he said, according to the Post. 

In other words, if Russia invades another country, kills its citizens, destroys its infrastructure, that's because the invaded country are the fascists. Good is bad. Men are women. Black is white. Biden is brilliant. 

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Kim Jong Un ready to fight US and "eliminate" South Korea



Corpulent Leader for Life of North Korea Kim Jong Un is now threatening to "eliminate" South Korea and claims the is ready for battle with the United States and isn't afraid to have any of his people die for his cause. He made this speech to mark the 69th anniversary of the armistice deal that ceased the fighting in the Korean War.

Fat Kim made his first public appearance in nearly three weeks. His speech was one of his bellicose in rhetoric against South Korea since President Yoon Suk Yeol, a conservative, took office in May. 

Yoon pledged to take a tough line toward Pyongyang.

Kim said that  “US imperialists are pushing the South Korean authorities into a suicidal confrontation” with his nation, the state’s official Korean Central News Agency reported Thursday.

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Should Kim go forward in a confrontation with South Korea, U.S. President Joe Biden said, "Huminah nominah, baloopadoo, Jack," or something like that.

Saturday, March 5, 2022

NoKo's Rocket Man is out to launch



North Korea's dictator Kim Jong Un [aka Rocket Man] is not holding back on missile testing as the hermit nation has conducted its ninth testing on Saturday, launching a projectile into the Sea of Japan.

The office of the Japanese prime minister described the projectile as a "suspected ballistic missile." Thus far, North Korea has not commented on the launch and will typically wait a day before they do. 

They last tested a weapon on February 27th and The Japan Times describes their boldness as being on an "unprecedented pace" of weapons testing this year. In fact, Pyongyang conducted more weapons testing in January alone, than all of 2021.

South Korea said the projectile was launched from the Sunan area of Pyongyang just before 9 a.m. and landed into the Sea of Japan, outside Japan's economic zone, extending out from Japan 200 nautical miles.

Rachel Levine before his commission seen in 
cute flora dress and "Mary Jane" shoes

North Korea’s latest weapons test comes after Rachel Levine, a man who believes himself to be a woman, was assigned the role of 4-Star Admiral in the US Public Health Service Commissioned Corps without ever having spent a previous day in the military. Rumor has it that when Kim learned of Levine's assignment, he jumped at the chance of building back his arsenal of weaponry better.

"The few, the proud, the gender dysphoric"
Admiral Rachel Levine

So after a two year pause in diplomatic negotiations with the United States regarding nuclear disarmament of the Korean peninsula, we are back to square one, as the kids say. Talks between our two countries stalled in 2019 over disagreements with the releasing of heavy sanctions and now Kim sees us as weak and led by a corrupt, old man whose mental capacity, which was never great to begin with, has declined to a point where he can't find his shoes in the morning and doesn't know how he got there.

Saturday's probable ballistic test along with all the others, violate the UN Security Council resolutions and earn Kim a wag of the finger from the useless organization that takes up space in New York City. Kim Jong Un laughs at the measures they take to stop him from his future aspirations.

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The Biden administration has offered to restart diplomatic discussions with Pyongyang without prior conditions, which is a pathetically weak position for Biden to take and no surprise to anyone who follows his foreign affairs. Joe Biden literally cannot walk and chew gum at the same time and has never been right about his political decisions except for a crime bill that he later said was a mistake.

Now Biden has to deal with the Russia-Ukraine situation and also try to negotiate with Iran on a nuclear deal. Knowing Biden and his staff, they will "give away the store" to Iran and the planet's number one sponsor of terrorism will have a nuclear weapon before you can say, "What's that flash?"


Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Putin beats Kim in gala hockey match

Vladdy is #11 and Unny #1
Those are their hockey nicknames

Russia's Prime Minister for Life Vladimir Putin went head-to-head in a blistering hockey match against North Korean Dictator for Life, Kim Jong Un, that saw the two leaders play their empty hearts out even emptier, if that's possible.

Kim, who had never put on a pair of ice skates in his life, donned a pair of roller skates while Putin wore his trusty Bauer Sling-blades, skates that aren't just for skating.

The Russian leader, who was vaccinated against Covid-19 over a month ago, said earlier on Monday that he had tested his levels of protective antibodies, generated by vaccination, the previous day and had seen strong results.

The first period saw Vladdy score 9 goals against Unny, who was in on goal. His generous girth mostly blocked the entire goal opening, but you can always count on the Russians to figure out a way to distract and conquer. This time they used Big Macs and fries, and it worked like a charm.

Vladdy had this player shot at the end of Period 2

Period two was a bit more controversial as the North Koreans appeared to substitute the official puck with one of their own. Whenever a NoKo player fired a shot on goal, the puck would fake right and dart left. It also had a little red light that flickered, which distracted the goalie, something the fans don't normally get to see. The Koreans scored 19 goals and the Russians only came up with 4 as the period ended.

Period three was a full-out war on ice. The checking was brutal, literally, as both sides sported weapons such as Kalashnikovs and RPGs. By the end of the game, only two players were left standing: Vladdy and Unny.

Being good sports, they shook hands then Vladdy skated to his bench while Unny rolled over to his.

Both men said they had so much fun that they intend to do it again next year. 

The final score was Russia 58; North Korea 58.


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Monday, August 17, 2020

NoKo orders handing over of pet dogs for butchering as country undergoes food shortage

The high exalted leader for life of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has declared that pet dogs symbolize capitalist "decadence" and has ordered man's best friend in Pyongyang to be rounded up. Dog owners worry that their own beloved pets are to be eaten to solve the country's food shortage, by which Kim obviously is not affected.

In July, Kim announced that pet ownership is now illegal and denounced having a dog is "a tainted trend of bourgeois ideology."

Easy for the fat man to say. You know he's eating just fine.

"Authorities have identified households with pet dogs and are forcing them to give them up or forcefully confiscating them and putting them down," a source told South Korea's Chosun Ilbo newspaper.

'Some of the dogs are sent to state-run zoos or sold to dog meat restaurants'.

Eating Phydeaux [pronounced "Fido"] has long been considered a delicacy on the Korean Peninsula, although the tradition is gradually fading out in South Korea.

Still, an estimated 1 million dogs are reared on farms to be consumed every year in the South, even those dogs who beg, roll over, and give you their paw.

Dog meat is still a staple on the menu in the North, however, with a number of dedicated dog restaurants in Pyongyang.

The only drawback is that whenever you finish a meal of dog, you have an uncontrollable desire to life your leg when passing a fire hydrant.  Also, the term "hot dog" takes on a new meaning in the Korean Peninsula.


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Sunday, May 3, 2020

UPDATE: Kim Jong Un comes out from the shadows

No COVID-19 in North Korea? 
Why are his guards wearing masks?
Update: Kim was not in hospital when he went missing. He was cutting a red ribbon at a fertilizer factory. But I don't trust that news, so there's that.


North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un had been missing in action since last month and there was speculation that he was gravely ill or had died. In fact, he missed his grandfather's 108th birthday on April 15, but Grandpa wasn't upset over it. He was seen cutting the ribbon at the opening of a fertilizer factory, something he and his sister know a lot about.

The fat man attended the ceremony on Friday in Sunchon, a mortar's throw from Pyongyang, as the scent of fertilizer wafted in the air.

Kim's last public appearance was at a Workers' Party politburo meeting on April 11, and the next day, he was reported to have inspected NoKo fighter jets.

At Friday’s event, “all the participants broke into thunderous cheers of ‘hurrah!'” when Kim appeared, or else he would have killed them all with a canon fusillade.

He inspected the facility and was “briefed about the production processes,” the report said.

Kim reportedly “said with deep emotion” that his grandfather Kim Il Sung and father Kim Jong Il “would be greatly pleased if they heard the news that the modern phosphatic fertilizer factory has been built.” 

Perhaps they did.

Also in attendance were other senior officials, including his sister, the NoKo head of propaganda, who the U.S. mainstream media raved about, and close adviser, Kim Yo Jong. 

Photos from the ceremony were not immediately released, so I am releasing a photo I just took of my "Liberal Tears" Hot and Cold beverage holder courtesy of the Daily Wire.



Kim's absence from the public state created a series of unconfirmed speculations about his condition. Some media outlets appeared to be certain he was dead; others believed he was gravely ill and was in a vegetative state. The world was concerned over who would lead North Korea if Kim couldn't do so.
She is like Yo
Rumors were floated by Stacey Abrams that she would happy to step in if called upon by North Korea to fill Kim's spot, but that didn't happen and she continues to vie for the VP position in the U.S. election as Sleepy Joe's running mate.

In any case, Democrats in the U.S. were hoping that Kim's more visually pleasing sister, Kim Yo Jong, would take over the leadership in the country because, in spite of her contempt for the West, and the United States in particular, she is in possession of a uterus and thus would make a great leader, according to Hillary Clinton and the squad.

But back to lard-ass Kim.

An unidentified source inside North Korea said Kim had needed urgent treatment due to being heavy and heavy smoking, and fatigue. He was seen on cable news being transported in a golf cart in a country that may or may not actually have golf courses.

The secrecy in the hermit nation is palpable. Kim’s pop-pop and predecessor had been dead for two days before anyone outside the innermost circles of North Korean leadership was any the wiser. Perhaps it was the smell that alerted them, but we will never know.

In 2014, Kim Jong Un dropped out of sight for nearly six weeks before reappearing in public with a cane.

Days later, the South’s spy agency said he had undergone surgery to remove a cyst from his ankle.


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Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Kim Jong-un in "grave danger" following surgery--may be brain-dead for real this time


North Korea's evil but cutely chubby dictator Kim Jong-un is reported to be in "grave danger" following surgery, the Communist News Network (CNN)
reported Monday. As is typical of CNN, they cited an anonymous U.S. source with direct knowledge of the situation. However, one can understand why you'd want to be anonymous when it comes to Kim--the guy killed his uncle with a freaking anti-aircraft canon.

There have been rumors of the obese dictator’s declining health in recent days, after he reportedly missed the country’s most important political holiday last week — the birthday celebration of Kim Il-sung, his beloved evil grandfather and founder of the communist tyranny.

NBC’s Kathy Tur sparked further speculation after deleting a tweet citing two U.S. officials who purportedly claimed that the authoritarian is “brain dead.”

“North Korean leader Kim Jung-un is brain dead, according to two US officials. He recently had cardiac surgery and slipped into a coma, according to one US current and one former US official,” she wrote in the now-deleted tweet.

She later added that she deleted the tweet “out of an abundance of caution.”

South Korea is reportedly investigating the reports of the fat tyrant’s condition, but officials from South Korea’s Unification Ministry and National Intelligence Service have not been able to confirm the report, according to the Associated Press.

Bloomberg News’s Jennifer Jacobs also reported late Monday evening stating that the Trump administration “received information that Kim Jong Un had heart surgery last week and if he’s alive, his health is poor.”

It is not known as to whether Kim is a bat-eater or a muncher of monkeys, but you never know in the hermit kingdom about what's going on or what's being eaten, if anything.

“It’s unclear to US officials if he’s dead or alive,” Jacobs continued.

“Trump administration officials are looking into who would be in the line of succession if Kim Jong Un dies or is already dead, I’m told,” she added.

Bruce Klinger, a senior research fellow at the Heritage Foundation and a former CIA deputy division chief for North Korea said, “There have been a number of recent rumors about Kim’s health (smoking, heart, and brain). If Kim is hospitalized, it would explain why he wasn’t present on the important April 15th celebrations.”

“But, over the years, there have been a number of false health rumors about Kim Jong-un or his father. We’ll have to wait and see,” he added.

If he is indeed deader than those sea scrolls, the next step North Korea will take will be very interesting and very important.

Meanwhile, this story is developing.

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Thursday, July 25, 2019

Rocket Man launches 2 short range missiles: flips off POTUS

Kim Jong-un launched a pair of short range missiles in a show of defiance to President Trump and all he tweets for.

South Korean military leaders say the surprise launch took place in the Wonsan region in east of the rogue state.

Both missiles travelled approximately 270 miles before falling into the Sea of Japan, reports from North Korea say.

It is the first missile test reported since President Trump and the chubby NoKo leader met at the demilitarised zone (DMZ) between the two Koreas at the end of June, shook hands and smiled at each other like old friends.

The White House, Pentagon and US State Department did not immediately respond to requests for comment because they were probably slightly embarrassed over Kim's open defiance.

However, the joint chiefs said South Korean and US militaries were reportedly analyzing details of the launches.

A US defense official said the secret launch appears to be similar to the recent May 2019 launch where two short range missiles were also fired off.

"North Korea is clearly upset that the US and South Korea are conducting joint military exercises," Harry Kazianis of Washington's Center for the National Interest explained.

"We should not be shocked by this move and, in fact, we should have seen it coming."

Then why didn't we see it coming? And why didn't Kazianis warn us of the probable missile launchings? Who exactly is Harry Kazianis really working for? And what about Trump?

Pyongyang restarted missile testing following a moratorium of over a year, as negotiations with President Trump over disarmament and denuclearization stalled.

North Korea's most recent test was in May when a pair of missiles timed precisely 9 minutes before and 9 minutes after a US test of a nuclear Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM).

In a brazen taunt, the corpulent dictator Kim watched the firing of the weapon at North Korea's Academy of Defence Science.

And issuing a chilling warning, Kim said the test "serves as an event of very weighty significance in increasing the combat power of the People's Army," state media reported. Kim should never use the word "weighty."

North Korea warned the US it faces "undesired consequences" if it doesn't meet its demands in nuclear talks by the end of the year.

Yes, we face the undesired consequences of having to destroy North Korea if they test us enough,

Kim's regime is demanding the Trump administration show more flexibility - or else it will go back on its promise to scrap its deadly nuclear arsenal, a promise they never intended to keep.

Pyongyang says it will only ditch its weapons program if the US agrees to scrap crippling economic sanctions on the country. Of course, Kim is lying--if he gives up his nuclear weapons program, he might as well give up his dictatorship and put a gun to his head. Kim has made similar promises to other naive presidents such as Bill "It's Just a Cigar" Clinton and GW Bush.

In a chilling threat, North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Son Hui said in Korean: "Changing paths is not a privilege that only the United States has - but it could be our own choice if we make up our mind."

She added wantonly: "If the United States fails to reestablish its position within the timeline we gave, it will see truly undesired consequences."

On April 21, 2018, merely one day after Adolf Hitler's birthday, Kim Jong-un said the hermit nation was suspending long-range nuclear missile tests and shutting its test sites. He lied as he always does.
Trump: "Kim likes me and I like him."
At the Singapore summit on June 11, 2018, just 108 years after the birth of Jacques Cousteau, Trump and Kim agreed to start the denuclearization "very quickly." A very imprecise Trump-esque timeline, but at least he didn't hold Kim and himself to "very, very quickly."
"Ze water ees deep"

The US President said the meeting had gone "better than anyone could have expected," but a few of us were expecting it to go better.

"We are going to sign this historic agreement," said Kim. "The world will see a major change," he lied.

In the agreement, Kim overtly committed to "complete denuclearization of Korean Peninsula," as he covertly flipped the U.S. the North Korean "bird."

However, despite the pledge, the North Koreans have never halted their nuclear activities, the UN's nuclear watchdog said.

The Pentagon believes North Korea has about 200 missile launchers hidden within the country and these can fire short- and medium-range rockets.

The most likely target of such a missile launch would be South Korea, Japan, Australia and possibly US territories in the Pacific Ocean.

Revised estimates suggest the total number of missiles the rogue state has is believed to be between 13 and 21. And the regime is estimated to have at least four nuclear warheads.

Should North Korea attempt to strike any of these targets, the little country will be able to glow in the dark.


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Tuesday, July 23, 2019

S. Korea fires warning shots: Russia, Chinese military planes enters airspace


South Korea has reportedly fired warning shots after both China and Russia violated their airspace, South Korea's Defense Ministry said and was reported by the Associated Press.

The South Korean Defense Ministry reported that  "multiple Russian military planes violated the South Korean airspace off its east coast" and "Chinese military planes also intruded into South Korea’s aerial identification zone."

As a result of the violation, South Korea scrambled fighter jets which fired the warning shots.

Reuters reported that the incident came as North Korea's leader Kim Jong Un "inspected a large newly built submarine, state news agency KCNA reported on Tuesday, potentially signalling continued development of a submarine-launched ballistic missile (SLBM) program," .

"The operational capacity of a submarine is an important component in national defense of our country bounded on its east and west by sea," Kim reportedly said.

Ankit Panda, a senior fellow at the U.S.-based Federation of American Scientists discussed the significance of the submarine. 

"We can clearly see that it is a massive submarine — much larger than the existing one that's been well known since 2014. 

"What I find significant about the political messaging here is that this is the first time since a February 2018 military parade that he has inspected a military system clearly designed to carry and deliver nuclear weapons. I take that as an ominous signal that we should be taking Kim Jong Un's end-of-year deadline for the implementation of a change in U.S. policy with the utmost seriousness."

Luckily, President Trump said that he likes Kim and Kim likes him, so we have nothing to worry about. Right?

This is a developing situation--stay tuned.


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