Kim goes ballistic after 5k ton warship capsizes as he watches: LOL anybody?

North Korea’s second naval destroyer [the NK Glub-Glub-Gurgle] was severely damaged as Kim Jong Un watched the launch. It was a veritable clusterfrack.

Kim watched as the 5,000-ton warship capsized at the northeastern port of Chongjin on Wednesday amid efforts to modernize the country’s naval forces.

According to the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), Kim blamed military officials, scientists, and shipyard operators for a “serious accident and criminal act caused by absolute carelessness, irresponsibility, and unscientific empiricism.” Surprisingly, he did not blame U.S. President Donald Trump, but that doesn't mean "The View" won't go that route.

The damaged warship is believed to carry nuclear-capable ballistic and cruise missiles which Kim is hoping would work better than the boat launch.

Kim ordered urgent restoration, linking the ship's recovery to national authority, and ordered the trusty punishment mine field to be loaded up again to see if the guilty parties can make it through to the other end before getting blown up.

The leader for life called for a ruling Workers’ Party meeting in June to address their “irresponsible errors.” 

The state media outlet confirmed that, during the ceremony, “a serious accident occurred.”

They did not provide details on the exact cause of the issue or whether anyone was injured, but knowing what we know about Kim and his methods of discipline, the injuries they might have incurred would be nothing compared to what Kim would unleash on them.

In a statement, KCNA said: “Due to immature command and operational negligence, the parallel movement of the bogies could not be guaranteed, resulting in the launching sled in the stern detaching first and causing the ship to capsize.

“The ship’s balance was destroyed due to a rupture in the hull in some sections, and the bow section was unable to detach from the keel.”

Kim, who has ruled with an iron fist since 2011, said the restoration of the warship “must be completed unconditionally” before June. He described restoration as "urgent" and that it wasn't just a practical problem but “a political issue directly related to the authority of the country.”

One person on "Bored Panda" wrote: "This is what happens when you order warships off Temu."

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Rocket Man vows toughest anti-US policy before Trump is sworn in

North Korean dictator for life, Kim Jong Un, has promised the "toughest" anti-U.S. policy that he is implementing just prior to President-elect Donald Trump taking office.

Although Trump met with Kim three times during his first presidency, it's likely he will be more involved with the conflicts in the Middle East and Ukraine, and Kim's support for Russia in the latter war will be a huge challenge for Trump when trying to rekindle diplomatic relationships.

The ruling Worker's Party held a five-day meeting that ended Friday in which Kim referred to the U.S. as “the most reactionary state that regards anti-communism as its invariable state policy.” Kim [aka Rocket Man] said that the U.S.-South Korea-Japan security partnership is expanding into “a nuclear military bloc for aggression."

“This reality clearly shows to which direction we should advance and what we should do and how,” the chubby ruler said, according to the official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA).

The KCNA said Kim's speech “clarified the strategy for the toughest anti-U.S. counteraction to be launched aggressively” by North Korea for its long-term national interests and security.

KCNA didn't go into detail about the anti-U.S. strategy. However, it mentioned that Kim outlined tasks to enhance military capability through advances in defense technology and emphasized the importance of strengthening the mental resilience of North Korean soldiers.

The previous meetings between Trump and Kim not only ended their exchanges of heated words and threats of destruction but also built personal connections. Trump once famously said he and Kim “fell in love.” However, their discussions fell apart in 2019, as they disagreed over U.S.-led sanctions on North Korea.

Since then, North Korea has ramped up its weapons testing to create more dependable nuclear missiles aimed at the U.S. and its allies. In response, the U.S. and South Korea have broadened their joint military exercises, including trilateral drills with Japan, which North Korea sees as rehearsals for an invasion.

Efforts to persuade North Korea to give up its nuclear weapons in exchange for economic and political benefits are further complicated by its growing military ties with Russia.

According to reports from the U.S., Ukraine, and South Korea, North Korea has sent over 10,000 troops and conventional weapons to aid Moscow’s conflict with Ukraine. There's a worry that Russia might provide North Korea with advanced weapons technology in return, helping them to build more potent nuclear missiles.

Ukrainian President-dictator Volodymyr Zelenskyy stated last week that 3,000 North Korean soldiers have been killed or injured in the fighting in Russia's Kursk region. This was the first notable estimate by Ukraine of North Korean losses since their deployment to Russia started in October.

Russia and China, each facing their own conflicts with the U.S., have consistently blocked U.S.-led attempts to impose additional U.N. sanctions on North Korea, despite its ongoing missile tests which violate U.N. Security Council resolutions.

Last month, Kim remarked that his previous negotiations with the United States only reinforced Washington’s “unchangeable” hostility towards his nation, and he described his nuclear expansion as the sole defense against external threats.

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Kim Jong Un readies NoKo for nuclear attack on US , SoKo

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has demanded his hermit kingdom be ready to launch a nuclear attack as he accuses the U.S. and South Korea of carrying out military drills with U.S. nuclear assets, according to his propaganda media.

Kim's shoulder-rolling, ball-grabbing bravado carried by state media KCNA, came after his country launched a short-range ballistic missile toward the sea on Sunday. The missile streaked across the electricity-poor country and killed many fishes off its east coast, according to South Korean and Japanese assessments. They reported the missile traveled about 500 miles.

Kim oversaw the test. He was never very good at taking tests in school but said this exercise improved the military's war capability and highlighted the need to ensure its readiness posture for any "immediate and overwhelming nuclear counterattack" through performing such exercises. 

KCNA quoted the fearless chubster as saying the North "urgently" needed to bolster up its nuclear war deterrence exponentially as the enemies "are getting ever more pronounced in their moves for aggression against" his country, as if anyone cares to take it over.

"The nuclear force of the DPRK will strongly deter, control and manage the enemy's reckless moves and provocations with its high war readiness, and carry out its important mission without hesitation in case of any unwanted situation," Kim said.

The U.S. and South Korea have been carrying out military exercises as both country's navies and marine corps began their first large-scale Ssangyong amphibious assault exercises on Monday for the first time in five years. This will go on until April 3rd.

Kim views these exercises as a dress rehearsal to invade his country.

In another dispatch, KCNA said more than 1.4 million North Koreans have forcibly 'volunteered' to join or re-enlist in the military to fight against South Korean and US troops – up from some 800,000 enlistees reported over the weekend.

"Volunteer or die!"

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Is Kim Jong-un a Trump fan? Calls Biden a "rabid dog"

Kim discussing last year's Super Bowl

Seoul, South Korea -- In what appears to be a somewhat unfair depiction of then Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un (via the official Korean Central News Agency) has called him a "rabid dog" that "must be beaten to death with a stick." 

In response to the slur, Biden responded: "Omnominoperamerev." Just kidding--he kept his response to himself.

The commentary by KCNA said the U.S. presidential hopeful at the time “reeled off a string of rubbish against the dignity” of the North’s supreme leadership, an act it said deserves “merciless punishment.” They misspelled his name, however, as "Baiden," but correctly spelled Biden’s name in May when it labeled him a “fool of low IQ” after he called North Korean leader Kim Jong Un a tyrant during a speech.

Two things can be true at the same time.

Elder Abuse

North Korea rarely allows an insult from a foreign leader go by without a response when the insult is directed to the country's adipose dictator. For example, KCNA has made racist and sexist verbal onslaughts against Barack Obama and South Korean President Park Geun-hye, the country's first biologically female leader who identifies as such.

Trump was also a target of insults not only from the American legacy media, but from North Korea. They famously called him a "dotard," but circled back and praised him in 2018 when he extended his not small hand to Kim Jong-un, resulting in three summits and a trip down memory Demilitarized Zone.

Joe plays his banjo

“Anyone who dare slanders the dignity of the supreme leadership of the D.P.R.K, can never spare the D.P.R.K’s merciless punishment whoever and wherever,” said the North Korean statement, referring to the country by its formal name, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, which is neither democratic nor belonging to the people.

Hopefully Biden will be as strong with North Korea as Trump was, but don't bet the house on it.

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BREAKING: NoKo suspends talks with SoKo over military drill

Things have gone from good to worse with North Korea as they've suspended ongoing talks with their southern counterpart due to joint U.S.--South Korean military exercises.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un (aka "Rocket Man") has also called into question whether it pays for him to meet with President Trump, a move scheduled for next month in Singapore.

Last month, Kim met with South Korean president Moon Jae-in which produced a joint commitment to denuclearize the Korean Peninsula. They were scheduled for the next round of talks Wednesday afternoon. But the talks were cancelled in response to Max Thunder Drills, a 2-week exercise involving over 100 aircraft.

North Korean officials say the military exercises are an unwarranted provocation that violated both Koreas' mutual commitment to denuclearization, in what is known as the Panmunjom Declaration.

"This exercise targeting us, which is being carried out across South Korea and targeting us, is a flagrant challenge to the Panmunjom Declaration and an intentional military provocation running counter to the positive political development on the Korean Peninsula," the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) said. KCNA is North Korea's state-run propaganda machine.

KCNA suggested the military exercise has jeopardized President Trump's widely anticipated meeting with Kim in June:

The United States will also have to undertake careful deliberations about the fate of the planned North Korea--U.S. summit in light of this provocation military ruckus jointly conducted with the South Korean authorities. We will keep a keen eye on the future attitudes of the U.S. and South Korean authorities."

The media statements ran opposite to previous reports that Kim knew of the scheduled military exercise and did not object. Of note is the fact that North Korea didn't go berserk over the exercise as they typically did in the past, suggesting the possibility that the Trump meeting may still take place.



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NoKo warns us we'll pay for "political prostitute" Nikki Haley's "hysterical fit"

Fat boy Kim Jong Un called U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley a "political prostitute" and went after her for "crazily swishing her skirt," after she said the fat pig's regime was "begging for war."

State-run Korean Central [fake] News Agency (KCNA) called Ambassador Haley's comments on Sunday an "hysteric fit." It is even rumored that Kim was so depressed, he actually ate a general. 

KCNA's staff is composed of angry junior high school kids.

"Nikki should be careful with her tongue though she might be a blind fool," KCNA brilliantly said. "The U.S. administration will have to pay a dear price for her tongue-lashing."

Then one of their staff was reported to have said, "Nyah, nyah, nyah."

KCNA mocked Haley's call for more serious sanctions, which is a good indication they are worried and probably don't actually have the nuclear capabilities they brag about.

"She is crazily swishing her skirt, playing the flagship role in Trump administration's hideous sanctions and pressure racket," KCNA said.

USS Ronald Reagan battle group

Currently, the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan left port in Tokyo Friday as it heads for a patrol mission in the Western Pacific. It has the capability of destroying KCNA along with its master, Kim Jong Un if necessary.



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NoKo Kim supervises missile test of new guidance system

Fat boy and North Korea's Leader for Life, Kim Jong-un has supervised yet another ballistic missile test controlled by a precision guidance system that he claims is accurate within 23 feet. He has also ordered the development of more powerful strategic weapons, according to North Korea's only news agency KCNA. 

The short-range ballistic missile landed in the sea off its east coast in defiance of world pressure and warnings of more sanctions to a leader who eats like a king while his people eat like anorexic squirrels.

Since the start of last year, North Korea has been firing off ballistic missile tests and claiming major advances that some believe have at least partial truth but difficult to prove.

"Whenever news of our valuable victory is broadcast recently, the Yankees would be very much worried about it and the gangsters of the South Korean puppet army would be dispirited more and more," KCNA quoted Kim as saying. 

Trump retaliates with golf course
launch

Kim is evidently a Red Sox fan.

"He expressed the conviction that it would make a greater leap forward in this spirit to send bigger 'gift package' to the Yankees" in retaliation for American military provocation, KCNA said.



President Trump tweeted in response to Kim's bravado, saying: "Oh yeah? I got you gift package right here."



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Corpulent Kim gets his blubber tied in a knot

(Photo: Fox News)

Corpulent Kim Jong Un, the dictator of North Korea, has a propaganda chief who may be the next Stephen Colbert, only he's funnier than Colbert has ever been.

The latest comedy sketch from Pyongyang's propaganda goon (or goonette) came after Sen. Cory Gardner (R-CO) said that Kim Jong Un was a "whack job."

The repartee came quickly from the Hermit Nation's Ministry of Guffaws:

"It is a serious provocation that Gardner, like a psychopath, dare to bear the evil that dares our highest dignity," the statement read, according to a translation. "It is America's misfortune that a man mixed in with human dirt like Gardner, who has lost basic judgment and body hair, could only spell misfortune for the United States."

Garner has a full head of red hair, so perhaps the state-run Korea Central News Agency (KCNA) has looked elsewhere on the Senator's body, perhaps to the south, but they apparently don't know what they're talking about.

KCNA also went after former President Obama in 2014, calling him a "clown," a "dirty fellow," and a "juvenile delinquent." The racist organization said that Obama "does not even have the basic appearances of a human being."

As racist a remark as Colbert's was vile about Trump.

Regarding Hillary Clinton, KCNA described her in 2009 as "by no means intelligent," and a "funny lady." 

Sadly, they got the first part right and the second part wrong. 

But they went on to say that "Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping." [I don't believe you can get a pension in North Korea.]

The North Korean propaganda machine also went after former President George W. Bush calling him a "hooligan" who looked like "a chicken soaked in the rain." 

VP Dick Chaney was "mentally deranged" and a "most cruel monster and blood-thirsty beast."

They aren't even vile enough to write for Colbert.

Sad!



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N. Korea: missile launches training to attack US base in Japan

Pyongyang launched four ballistic missiles as part of their training for an attack on the U.S. base in Japan.

KCNA, the North Korean news agency, claimed the launches were designed to prepare the country for an enemy strike.

Funny Hair Supreme Leader for Life, Kim Jong-un oversaw the launch and was very cheerful what he witnessed, the propaganda news agency said. The photo above tells the whole story.

Fortunately, nobody yawned or looked away as the missiles flew boldly into the sky reaching an altitude of 160 miles and landing as close as 190 miles off Japan's northwest coast, Tomomi Inada, Japan's defense minister said.

Under the useless U.N. and their empty-fisted resolution, Pyongyang is banned from using ballistic missile technology. But nobody apparently has the cajones to do anything about it.

Washington and Tokyo officials have called for the UN Security Council to meet over the launches over lunches, and it is expected to take place on Wednesday.

President Trump previously vowed that he will not allow North Korea to obtain nuclear weapons that could endanger the U.S., but it is unclear what he plans to do in order to back up his vow.

Still, Dennis Rodman had no comment.


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