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WASHINGTON—In a stunning display of courage that left political observers gasping for air, House Republicans on Wednesday finally pulled the trigger on a Senate-approved bill to fund federal immigration enforcement agencies for the remainder of President Donald Trump’s term, right before the government ran out of money and started eating its own tail.
The vote passed 215-211 along strict party lines, because nothing says “bipartisanship” like every Democrat voting to keep the border wide open while calling anyone who wants it closed a Nazi.
The move ends a partial Department of Homeland Security funding lapse that began February 14th, Valentine’s Day, naturally, and has now become the longest partial shutdown in U.S. history, beating last year’s record like a piñata full of excuses.
With the House’s passage of the Senate’s budget framework, Republicans can now use the magical budget reconciliation process to fund ICE and Customs and Border Protection without having to beg a single Democrat for permission. This is a huge relief, as Democrats have historically been about as cooperative on border security as a cat is on taking a bath with a dog.
The GOP is reportedly sprinting toward a deal that could pump up to $70 billion into the two agencies, money that will presumably be used for things like “actually enforcing the law” and “maybe building a wall that doesn’t have a welcome mat and gift shop.”
President Trump, growing visibly tired of watching his own party treat deadlines like gentle suggestions, gave Republicans a firm June 1st cutoff to get a reconciliation bill on his desk or face unspecified but extremely Trumpian consequences.
“We have a real sense of urgency about getting this done,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson, speaking to Fox News with the weary tone of a man who just spent five hours in a room full of Republicans who still hadn’t decided if they were allowed to win.
To demonstrate this blistering urgency, GOP leadership kept the vote open for more than five hours while gently persuading the holdouts with promises, snacks, and what sources described as “light threatening.” Six brave representatives flipped from “no” to “yes” at the last possible second: Max Miller, Andy Harris, Victoria Spartz, Harriet Hageman, Andrew Clyde, and Michael Cloud. Political analysts called it “a profile in courage,” while others called it “what happens when leadership starts playing Nickelback outside the conference room.”
Some House Republicans remain concerned that the bill still technically “zeroes out” funding for ICE and CBP in certain creative accounting columns, which is apparently different from not funding them at all. As Rep. Eric Burlison (R-MO) put it, “It’s one thing to not do the funding. It’s another to put big, fat, insulting zeros right in the bill like you’re mocking us.”
Thanks to reconciliation, the Senate can now ram through the actual funding with a simple majority, bypassing the Democrats’ sacred 60-vote filibuster tradition of “screaming, foot-stomping, and threatening to move to Canada for the 47th time.”
“We have been forced by the Democrats to use reconciliation,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune, in the saddest victory speech since participation trophies were invented.
Meanwhile, the White House Office of Management and Budget warned that without funding, DHS personnel could go unpaid in May, once again unleashing chaos on air travel, leaving Secret Service agents and the Coast Guard without paychecks, and generally making the entire country remember why we pay these people in the first place.
At press time, Democrats were reportedly drafting a strongly-worded statement calling the funding of America’s borders “literally fascism,” while Republicans congratulated themselves for almost doing the thing they promised to do.
Yippy-frack!
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With the House’s passage of the Senate’s budget framework, Republicans can now use the magical budget reconciliation process to fund ICE and Customs and Border Protection without having to beg a single Democrat for permission. This is a huge relief, as Democrats have historically been about as cooperative on border security as a cat is on taking a bath with a dog.
The GOP is reportedly sprinting toward a deal that could pump up to $70 billion into the two agencies, money that will presumably be used for things like “actually enforcing the law” and “maybe building a wall that doesn’t have a welcome mat and gift shop.”
President Trump, growing visibly tired of watching his own party treat deadlines like gentle suggestions, gave Republicans a firm June 1st cutoff to get a reconciliation bill on his desk or face unspecified but extremely Trumpian consequences.
“We have a real sense of urgency about getting this done,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson, speaking to Fox News with the weary tone of a man who just spent five hours in a room full of Republicans who still hadn’t decided if they were allowed to win.
To demonstrate this blistering urgency, GOP leadership kept the vote open for more than five hours while gently persuading the holdouts with promises, snacks, and what sources described as “light threatening.” Six brave representatives flipped from “no” to “yes” at the last possible second: Max Miller, Andy Harris, Victoria Spartz, Harriet Hageman, Andrew Clyde, and Michael Cloud. Political analysts called it “a profile in courage,” while others called it “what happens when leadership starts playing Nickelback outside the conference room.”
Some House Republicans remain concerned that the bill still technically “zeroes out” funding for ICE and CBP in certain creative accounting columns, which is apparently different from not funding them at all. As Rep. Eric Burlison (R-MO) put it, “It’s one thing to not do the funding. It’s another to put big, fat, insulting zeros right in the bill like you’re mocking us.”
Thanks to reconciliation, the Senate can now ram through the actual funding with a simple majority, bypassing the Democrats’ sacred 60-vote filibuster tradition of “screaming, foot-stomping, and threatening to move to Canada for the 47th time.”
“We have been forced by the Democrats to use reconciliation,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune, in the saddest victory speech since participation trophies were invented.
Meanwhile, the White House Office of Management and Budget warned that without funding, DHS personnel could go unpaid in May, once again unleashing chaos on air travel, leaving Secret Service agents and the Coast Guard without paychecks, and generally making the entire country remember why we pay these people in the first place.
At press time, Democrats were reportedly drafting a strongly-worded statement calling the funding of America’s borders “literally fascism,” while Republicans congratulated themselves for almost doing the thing they promised to do.
Yippy-frack!
Thank you for following Brain Flushings. If you really want to help support my work here, please visit the sponsors on this page, or you can Buy Me A Coffee for any amount--it really helps. You can even subscribe to Brain Flushings--it's free.
