WASHINGTON—In a stunning display of 21st-century diplomacy that somehow hasn't collapsed into a mushroom cloud yet, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced Sunday that the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz now depends on "full Iranian acceptance and then compliance" with negotiated terms. Of course, trusting the ayatollahs to keep their word is like the scorpion carrying the frog across the stream, for you fable fans.
Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif, evidently moonlighting as a Trump hype man, commended President Donald Trump for leading "extraordinary efforts to pursue peace" after a high-level multilateral phone conference that rounded up the usual suspects from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Egypt, Jordan, and the United Arab Emirates. Sources confirm the call went swimmingly, with zero participants threatening to turn anyone into a parking lot.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio reiterated on Saturday that the main U.S. objective remains preventing Tehran from ever obtaining a nuclear weapon, ambitious stuff, considering Iran views "nuclear weapon" the same way a kid views a participation trophy, as in 'everyone should get one.'
President Trump, never one to undersell a deal, declared that the Iran agreement to end the war and reopen the Strait of Hormuz has been "largely negotiated," which in diplomatic terms means "we're basically there except for the part where they keep lying."
The U.S. may be willing to make "significant accommodations" for Iran on sanctions relief if the nation's leaders are willing to make similar accommodations to the U.S. on enriched uranium, a senior administration official told Fox News on Sunday, in what historians are already calling "the most polite game of nuclear chicken ever played."
The official downplayed reports that the deal could be signed on Sunday, saying Tehran's system "does not move fast enough."
"Our plan is to deal with all of their stockpile of the enriched material," the official said. "We see the Iranians making some serious accommodations on these questions that we didn't see before." And if you believe the Islamic Regime at their word, I have a bridge to sell you.
"If the Iranians make significant accommodations on the enrichment question then we will make significant accommodations on sanctions relief," the official continued.
"Even in the IRGC's own propaganda, they did not talk about tolling the Strait of Hormuz. Our position is quite clear. We don't think that a toll is an acceptable outcome," the official added.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio reiterated on Saturday that the main U.S. objective remains preventing Tehran from ever obtaining a nuclear weapon, ambitious stuff, considering Iran views "nuclear weapon" the same way a kid views a participation trophy, as in 'everyone should get one.'
President Trump, never one to undersell a deal, declared that the Iran agreement to end the war and reopen the Strait of Hormuz has been "largely negotiated," which in diplomatic terms means "we're basically there except for the part where they keep lying."
The U.S. may be willing to make "significant accommodations" for Iran on sanctions relief if the nation's leaders are willing to make similar accommodations to the U.S. on enriched uranium, a senior administration official told Fox News on Sunday, in what historians are already calling "the most polite game of nuclear chicken ever played."
The official downplayed reports that the deal could be signed on Sunday, saying Tehran's system "does not move fast enough."
"Our plan is to deal with all of their stockpile of the enriched material," the official said. "We see the Iranians making some serious accommodations on these questions that we didn't see before." And if you believe the Islamic Regime at their word, I have a bridge to sell you.
"If the Iranians make significant accommodations on the enrichment question then we will make significant accommodations on sanctions relief," the official continued.
"Even in the IRGC's own propaganda, they did not talk about tolling the Strait of Hormuz. Our position is quite clear. We don't think that a toll is an acceptable outcome," the official added.
At the time of this writing, Iran was reportedly nodding along while secretly spinning more centrifuges, and Washington was pretending this time would be different.
And snakes have hips.
If the Islamic Regime of Iran is allowed to remain in power, nothing will have been accomplished and this will be a waste of blood and treasure.
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