Trump hails Iraqi prime minister as ‘fantastic guy’ as Iraq seeks sanctions exemption

President Trump shakes hands with Iraqi Prime Minister Ali al-Zaidi as they participate in a bilateral meeting in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington, D.C., on July 14, 2026. (Reuters/Evan Vucci)

NEW YORK — After a brief meeting at the United Nations General Assembly, President Donald Trump officially announced that Iraqi Prime Minister Ali al-Zaidi has achieved the highest honor attainable in modern international diplomacy: being a fantastic guy.

"It went great. He's a fantastic man. He's a friend of mine. I endorsed him, right? I mean, I endorsed him, the Iraqi prime minister, he's a fantastic guy," Trump said Saturday when simply asked how the meeting went.

The glowing endorsement arrived just as the Office of Iraq’s Prime Minister announced Saturday it is in talks with the U.S. Treasury Department to secure an exemption linked to the shutdown of Iranian airlines.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent had previously announced that all Iranian airlines will be "shut down" starting Wednesday during the Operation Economic Outcast pressure campaign against the regime in Tehran.

Upon realizing that "shut down" meant actual planes would stop flying, Iraqi officials immediately requested a special pass.

"The Iraqi government is conducting direct dialogue with the American side to exempt some Iraqi airports from these measures, in a manner that allows the resumption of air travel, for humanitarian reasons related to treatment, study, religious visits, and civilian interests," the Iraq Prime Minister’s Office said Saturday.

Middle Eastern diplomats then released a carefully worded statement urging everyone to just calm down and talk it out.

"While the Iraqi government is working to de-escalate the situation in the region, it affirms that the continuation of crises complicates the scene further, and calls on all parties to engage in dialogue and negotiation to reach solutions that end the current crisis and conflicts, in a way that achieves the interests of the region's countries and peoples," it added.

At press time, Treasury officials were reviewing the exemption request while trying to determine if being a "fantastic guy" carries official diplomatic immunity from economic sanctions.

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Two Vape Store Muslims Arrested After Ole Miss Drug Deaths

Yahya Mo and Islam Mo

OXFORD, MS — In a shocking turn of events that has left local authorities utterly bewildered, two Mississippi college students tragically passed away this week after coming into contact with a substance that was, according to town ordinances, strictly prohibited.

Law enforcement officials, employing the kind of high-level detective work usually reserved for prime-time television, executed a raid on a local establishment humbly titled Puffs Vape, Tobacco and Beer Store. To their utter surprise, the raid on the heritage-brand health clinic yielded over 500 units of kratom, THC cartridges, gummies, and various other suspected narcotics, effectively turning the neighborhood storefront into a bustling pharmaceutical warehouse.

Two local entrepreneurs, Yahya Mohamed Mosleh, 51, and Islam Mohamed, 18, were promptly arrested and charged with possession of Schedule I controlled substances with intent to distribute. How incredibly surprising.

City officials noted that kratom has been banned in Oxford since 2019, which led investigators to assume, quite reasonably, that the "vape, tobacco and beer" portion of the store name was the only legal part of the operation.

The raid follows the recent tragic deaths of two Ole Miss students, 18-year-old freshman Aidan Hamilton and 20-year-old junior Robert Strang. Investigators noted that packaged store-bought kratom was present at both scenes, though officials were quick to clarify that they have not officially determined whether the banned substance was the actual cause of death.

"They have not," noted local observers, following up with a polite, "[B]ut hey, can I get an Allahu akbar?"

Authorities have repeatedly emphasized that they have not established whether kratom caused either death, whether the two cases are connected, or whether the two gentlemen arrested on Thursday supplied the specific products found at the scenes. In short, there are several bright, glaring dots on the chalkboard, but officials are still determining if drawing a line between them violates protocol.

The raid, however, came as little surprise to long-time locals who remember the shop's rich heritage. The store's original owner, Amer Alowdi, 40, was indicted in 2022 on narcotics trafficking charges before heroically fleeing the country to avoid prosecution. His current whereabouts remain a mysterious gift to the international community.

Local narcotics task forces warned that the investigation remains active and that additional arrests may be on the horizon. Cross your collective fingers, folks.

“These individuals and this business are not necessarily the only people involved in the illegal distribution of these products,” the Metro Narcotics Unit stated in a public warning, reassuring citizens that local government enforcement efforts are far from over.

Police clarified that while they have not officially solved the tragic deaths on campus, they are making great strides in discovering that places selling illegal drugs are, in fact, selling illegal drugs.

Meanwhile, federal and state health officials continue to study the dangers of highly concentrated kratom derivatives, promising that toxicology reports, thorough laboratory tests, and additional bureaucratic press releases will eventually reveal whether the raid at Puffs is a central plot point or merely an interesting side quest in the Oxford saga.

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Kamala Hahaharris Tried to Explain How an Algorithm Works--"Pass the Italian Dressing Please"

Former Vice President Kamala Harris appears to be keeping the door open to another standard-issue presidential run. If her recent appearance on "Off Air with Big Boy" offers any preview of the profound intellectual depth she would bring to a future campaign, Democrats should probably start ordering their consolation cakes now. The alternative, of course, is much worse: an actual Harris administration in charge of the nuclear codes and the internet.

When the conversation turned to artificial intelligence, a groundbreaking field where complex computer science meets the staggering ignorance of career politicians, Harris proved she is truly a titan of the latter category. Her absolute, breathtaking confusion over what an algorithm actually is offered a terrifying glimpse into the policy decisions we can expect from a woman whose tech strategy appears to be written on a napkin in crayon.

"There is a part of this that is about understanding that, you know, if you keep seeing the same thing over and over again, know that you are being targeted because you looked at it the first time, they're just going to keep sending it to you. Which means they're trying to dumb people down with the assumption that people don't have any interest beyond what they've already seen," the former vice president announced, delivering what she clearly believed was a Nobel Prize winning critique of Silicon Valley. "Think about that."

"Oh yeah, the algorithm," Big Boy, aka Kurt James, replied, doing his best to translate her word salad into basic English.

"Right, but the algorithm suggesting, I have no more interest because I'm looking at this yellow flower. I'm only interested in yellow flowers. So here's more yellow flowers. As though my brain can't handle the fact that there may be a pink flower that I might be interested in looking at," Harris continued, heroically fighting off the tyrannical bots that keep shoving yellow flora in her face. "And so part of it is understanding how the algorithm is manipulating us and figuring out how we're going to psych it out a bit."

If this is the kind of razor-sharp logic driving future tech regulation, every software engineer in America should immediately start packing. Harris managed to take a basic lines-of-code recommendation function and turn it into a dark, dystopian conspiracy where tech CEOs sit in shadowy boardrooms plotting to deprive the public of pink flowers. It mistakes a simple, profit-driven engagement model for a grand scheme to lower the national IQ, giving Washington bureaucrats the perfect excuse to step in and regulate the internet into oblivion.

Unfortunately for Kamala's grand theory, that is not how code works. Mark Zuckerberg is not sitting at a desk deciding that your brain lacks the physical capacity to enjoy a pink carnation just because you clicked on a dandelion. Platforms simply track what you look at and feed you more of it so they can show you ads for mattresses. Is it annoying? Sure. Is it a villainous mind-control plot designed to strip humanity of its free will? Only in the mind of a politician looking for something new to tax.

Her explanation also completely erases the concept of basic human responsibility. According to Harris, everyday Americans are just helpless, feeble victims helplessly trapped in the grips of the evil feed. Apparently, nobody told her that users can simply close the app, search for a new topic, or put down their smartphones and walk outside to look at real flowers of any color they choose. The computer code is strong, but it has not completely abolished human agency just yet.

Naturally, the former vice president then revealed her master strategy for outsmarting the villainous, flower-hiding machine intelligence: resorting to her absolute favorite, deeply authentic identity-politics tropes.

“I do try sometimes. I mean, you know, I love to cook,” Harris explained, boldly outsmarting the matrix by reminding everyone of her unmatched skills with roasted chicken, pasta sauce, and collard greens.

Silicon Valley big tech may have conquered global communications, but they clearly stand no chance against Kamala's legendary kitchen wisdom.

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Jihadi Democrat Abdul El-Sayed refuses to condemn IRGC

The Democrats’ jihadist nominee for the Senate in Michigan was asked a straightforward question at a town hall in Ann Arbor on Wednesday: would he condemn the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps?

He declined to do so.

As reported by Newsweek, Iman Dashti, an attendee who identified himself as Persian, informed the candidate, Abdul El-Sayed, that his own family had suffered persecution at the hands of the regime in Tehran. 

Dashti noted his dismay over leaked audio in which El-Sayed refused to comment on the death of former Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei after U.S. strikes, remarking at the time that “there are a lot of people in Dearborn who are sad today.”

“That silence had a gaping hole in our community,” Dashti said, before pressing El-Sayed to clarify whether “you stand unequivocally against the IRGC?”

Rather than offering a clear rejection of a brutal state apparatus, El-Sayed offered a studied evasion, replying, “I will always stand for and with democratic movements,” while adding that he opposed U.S. involvement in regime change. Of course, in actuality, El-Sayed opposes the U.S. in general. His good buddy, Hasan Piker, had openly said that the United States deserved 911.

The voter who posed the question was under no illusions about the reason for this hesitation. Speaking later on Fox News, he observed that “a lot of his supporters are very supportive of these institutions, the IRGC. They love the Iranian regime and he doesn’t want to alienate them.”

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Democratic Socialist [aka socialist] arrested outside UN

In a scene straight out of the high-stakes world of modern political theater, local Democratic Socialist Darializa Avila Chevalier courageously placed herself in front of news cameras Thursday outside the United Nations General Assembly, earning a highly coveted arrest badge after protesting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Chevalier, who rocketed to fame after discovering that declaring everything a human right wins democratic primaries, joined fellow activists in denouncing Netanyahu as a “genocidal murderer.” Demonstrators expressed deep outrage that the U.N. would allow the leader of a democratic nation to speak, a prestige normally reserved for gentle, peace-loving regimes like China, Russia, Syria, and the Taliban.

Protesters cited Israel's military operation in Gaza as the primary reason for their rage. The IDF, currently fighting a terrorist organization that uses its own citizens as human shields in dense urban combat, has somehow managed a lower civilian-to-combatant casualty ratio than the United States military, a fact that local activists strictly agree to ignore.

“As the Democratic Nominee for New York’s 13th Congressional District, I refuse to allow a war criminal to roam the streets of our city unchallenged,” Avila Chevalier declared in a statement following her heroic photo op.

“I refuse to play host to a man who has overseen the slaughter or injury of more than 64,000 children in Gaza with American taxpayer dollars.”

While the exact charges remain unclear, keen-eyed observers noted that the arrest bore a striking resemblance to the classic Greta Thunberg model: carefully staged, perfectly framed for Instagram, and executed with the gentle touch of NYPD officers who clearly understood the assignment. Experts confirm Chevalier faces a harrowing few minutes of administrative processing before being released with a glowing campaign asset.

Chevalier previously made headlines by defeating incumbent Rep. Adriano Espaillat in June. As one of three DSA-backed candidates to unseat establishment Democrats, she is now heavily favored to bring her exquisite sense of dramatic timing to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives this November.

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Tragic Loss: Al Jazeera Forced To Lay Off 24 Highly Skilled Terrorists Acting As Journalists

GAZA — In a devastating blow to objective objective journalism, Al Jazeera has been forced to part ways with 24 of its valued Gaza staff members after a pesky US lawsuit pointed out that they were actually members of Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad.

The lawsuit, filed by civil rights group Shurat HaDin, daringly alleged that writing news reports while actively participating in terrorist organizations might represent a slight conflict of interest.

The news sent shockwaves through the mainstream media community, which has long relied on unbiased reporting from neutral observers wearing "PRESS" vests over their tactical military gear.

AI Generated and you get the picture

"CPJ has always been clear that we do not include anyone in our data sets if there is evidence that they were engaging in combat or inciting imminent violence," said Committee to Protect Journalists CEO Jodie Ginsberg, defending the organization's rigorous method of taking Hamas obituaries at face value. "This is consistent with international humanitarian law, which considers journalists affiliated with non-state actors to be civilians, provided they do not directly participate in hostilities."

After a thorough audit, CPJ reluctantly scrubbed 20 names from its fallen reporters list after Hamas helpfully published obituaries praising the "journalists" for their brave service in firing rockets at those pesky Israeli "Jooooze."

"CPJ condemns in no uncertain terms the misrepresentation of combatants as journalists or media workers, or the misuse of ‘Press’ insignia," Ginsberg added, expressing deep sadness that rocket-launching freedom fighters keep ruining the reputation of totally legitimate press credentials. "Such actions endanger every single individual journalist legitimately trying to report. We are conducting a full review of the names on our lists to confirm that no one who was actively engaged in combat is listed in our data."

At publishing time, Al Jazeera was reportedly accepting applications for new Gaza correspondents, requiring candidates to have "at least three years of media experience and zero active RPG-launching convictions. Anti-Zionism a plus."

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Aborted baby wins wrongful death lawsuit against abortionist

ALBUQUERQUE, NM — In a historic legal breakthrough that has left policy analysts staring blankly into the middle distance, an estate representing a 26-week-old victim of an abortion has successfully collected a $200,000 wrongful-death settlement from the clinic responsible.

The lawsuit, Wabbington v. Boyd, targeted late-term abortionist Curtis Wayne Boyd, Emily Cohen, and the late Carmen Landau. According to legal documents, the complaint classified the child as a "26-week-old viable fetus" and a "person" under New Mexico’s Wrongful Death Act who was "entitled to equal protection under the law of New Mexico and the United States." 

By 'fetus' it means a human being.

The suit detailed how the mother was under the influence of methamphetamine when she entered Southwestern Women’s Options, rendering her legally incapable of giving informed consent for the procedure. So, like assisted suicides in Canada, death was the choice by those in charge.

Albuquerque attorney Mike Seibel, who represented the plaintiffs alongside co-counsel Justin Hall, confirmed the unprecedented nature of the payout.

“This is the first time that an abortionist has ever been sued for the wrongful death of a baby,” Seibel said. “There have been numerous cases for injuries to the mother, but in this case both the mother and the baby’s estate sued.”

Seibel noted that the legal framework handled the situation with standard bureaucratic rigor. “This case recognized the baby to have an estate, and receive compensation for wrongful death, as a ‘person’ under New Mexico law,” he explained.

Elaborating on the 2020 incident, Seibel recalled that the mother immediately regretted the decision the following day. He noted that while the state maintains assistance programs for pregnant women suffering from addiction, clinic staff proceeded despite her visible intoxication.

“You can’t consent while you’re intoxicated with anything. It’s a basic thing,” Seibel said. “So I sued for the wrongful death of the baby.”

Shortly thereafter, a check for $200,000 arrived in the mail.

“The first time this has ever happened in the history of the United States where a baby has sued the abortionist for the wrongful death in this situation,” Seibel added.

Legal scholars have noted the state's remarkably agile statutory logic, which seamlessly classifies an unborn child as a legal non-entity up until the point a civil claim requires them to be a human being with a financial balance sheet.

“You can collect for the death of the unborn baby as a person, but you can still murder the unborn baby under New Mexico law,” Seibel said of the legal doctrine.

At press time, state officials were reportedly drafting guidelines to ensure that while unborn children remain fully eligible to collect financial damages for their own deaths, they remember to pay the applicable state capital gains tax on the settlement.

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Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu tell Mamdani what he thinks of him right to his face

AI Generated 

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin (Bibi) Netanyahu directly addressed New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani during his speech to the UN General Assembly today, September 24, 2026. He referred to comrade Mamdani the “anti-Semitic mayor of New York” and accused him of spreading lies about Israel, making Jews feel unsafe in the city, associating with Hamas supporters, and trying to prevent him from speaking.

“To all those spreading these lies about my country,” Bibi began, “and our brave soldiers, whether they sit in this hall or in the office of the anti-Semitic mayor of New York, I say this: Shame on you. Shame on you for distorting the facts. Shame on you for inverting victim and aggressor. Shame on you for spitting in the face of truth.”

“Mr. Mamdani, since you were elected mayor of this city, many Jews no longer feel safe in New York. They talk to me. They tell me, ‘This isn’t the city we remember. It changed so quickly.’ No wonder. You praise criminals convicted of supporting Hamas. You count as friends people like Hasan Piker, who said America deserved 9/11. Some friends you have.”

“You invite into your home a Palestinian journalist who filmed Hamas terrorists beating and torturing Israeli hostages and later admitted that he refused to publish the videos in order to protect, you guessed it, the terrorists. Your wife liked a post praising the October 7 massacre. She liked another post saying Tel Aviv shouldn’t exist. You refuse to condemn any of that. You falsely and repeatedly accuse Israel of genocide.”

Boom!

“Mr. Mamdani, you try to stop me from coming here. You try to silence me. Well, you can’t silence me. You can’t silence the truth. And here’s the simple truth: Israel didn’t commit genocide. Israel prevented genocide. And that’s exactly what Mr. Mamdani’s Hamas buddies would have done to us had we not stopped them. They would have killed every last one of us.”

Netanyahu framed these comments as part of a broader rejection of genocide accusations against Israel and criticism of what he described as antisemitism and attempts to isolate Israel. Mamdani later issued a statement calling Netanyahu’s remarks “baseless lies meant to sanitize his genocide of Palestinians.” The exchange followed months of public tension, including Mamdani’s earlier calls related to an ICC arrest warrant for Netanyahu.

Meanwhile, 77 delegates walked out before Bibi spoke, which makes me wonder why the United Nations isn't kicked out of the USA. Bibi, who has more class than all the jihadis who walked out, invited anyone else who was a moral coward to leave.

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