Amber Heard under investigation in smuggling case

It looks like Amber Heard may have s**t the bed again as she is under criminal investigation in Australia.

“The 36-year-old actress is the subject of an ‘ongoing’ perjury investigation related to court proceedings stemming from her infamous visit to Queensland with Depp in 2015, when she broke Australia’s strict quarantine and biosecurity laws by failing to declare the former couple’s Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, when she flew into the country,” the Daily Mail reported. 

“Heard was charged with two counts of illegally importing the animals in July 2015, however the case was closed when she pled guilty to falsifying travel documents in a Gold Coast court in April 2016.”

Australian officials confirmed the investigation of Heard for perjury when she allegedly lied to law enforcement about the circumstances involving the importation of her puppies into the land Down Under.

“The department’s perjury investigation stems from testimony given by a former employee of Depp during his UK libel case against The Sun newspaper in 2020,” the report said. “Depp’s former estate manager Kevin Murphy raised eyebrows when he told the London court that Ms. Heard had ordered him to lie on oath after she flew the pets into Queensland in a private jet without declaring them.” Apparently, lying under oath is something which Heard is familiar.

The critters were supposed to be put in quarantine for ten days. When it was discovered that never happened, the couple was given three days to get the dogs out of Australia or they would be killed.

“Heard eventually pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of falsifying an immigration document and accepted a fine of 10,000 Australian dollars ($7,650) after her lawyer, Jeremy Kirk, insisted that the paperwork for the dogs had ‘slipped through the cracks’ and that there was ‘no attempt to deceive,’” the report continued. “Heard’s version of events went unchallenged until July 2020 when Depp’s former estate manager told London’s High Court in a written statement that he had repeatedly warned the actress about Australia’s strict animal entry rules.”

Wow, payback is a bitch.

Murphy said in the statement to the court that he had repeatedly told Heard “that trying to take the dogs into Australia without completing the mandatory process was illegal and could result in very harsh penalties including euthanizing the dogs.”

Murphy said that the untalented actress demanded that he lie about the incident after it became a problem and she alluded to threatening his job if he refused.

“When I expressed that I was extremely uncomfortable with this, Ms. Heard said to me ‘Well I want your help on this … I wouldn’t want you to have a problem with your job,’” Murphy stated she told him. “It became very apparent that Ms. Heard was threatening my job stability unless I cooperated with providing a declaration that supported her false account for the Australian proceedings. Because of this I felt extreme pressure to cooperate, despite knowing this would involve being untruthful.”

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Murphy said that he had been contacted by the FBI about the matter and agreed to cooperate with Australia’s criminal investigation.

So Amber initially going after Johnny has apparently had a boomerang effect on her.

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Did a Trump supporter steal Gaga's dogs? A curious FBI wants to know

Although the LAPD is leading the investigation into the theft of two-thirds of Lady Gaga's dogs, the Democrats' FBI, believing that former President Trump's people might be involved, are looking into the incident.

If it turns out the perpetrators are Trump supporters, this could lead to a third impeachment hearing on the former president, according to Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), who says that, "The influence this evil orange man has had on the American public can never be fully realized or over estimated. Trump must be held responsible for this heinous crime, and the fact that all throughout his presidency, a very large asteroid will be rocketing very close to our planet and for which he has done nothing about it, but has chosen to leave it to our current Commander in Chief to handle the problem, is appalling and is a clear indication that he is guilty. Guilty, I tell you."

"Impeach Forty-Five plus a few months!" shouted Rep. Maxine Waters into a tinny microphone.

So the FBI will do all it can to determine whether the kidnapping of Lady Gaga’s dogs was politically motivated because she was "brave enough to sing songs at President Joseph Robinette Biden's inauguration."

What the FBI may be overlooking, however, is that the dognappers simply wanted Gaga's French bulldogs or that they simply didn't like her singing, or discovered the dog walker voted for Donald Trump. 

Ms. Gaga has offered a $500,000 reward for the return of her pooches.

Oh, and the dog walker was shot in the chest and is expected to make a full recovery.

The popular breed's small dogs can fetch between $1,500 and $5,000 depending on how rich the buyer is. Dog walkers can fetch $8 to $20 for a walk-poop-fetch stick.

It's good to know the FBI will keep their nose to the ground and sniff out leads.

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Gaga's Papa pleads for public's help to find her pooches that were puppy-napped

Papa and Gaga

La La Land, Calif. -- Lady Gaga's papa is pleading for the public to help him find his daughter's dog that was stolen by "creeps," as he referred to him in the plural. The dogs are French bulldogs and go by the names Koji and Gustavo but answer to the names "Hey Boy," and "Who's a Good Dog?" They also respond positively to Kibbles and Bits.

Joe Germanotta, the father of Ms. Gaga, spoke to Fox News Thursday morning about the terrible double tragedy. Luckily for Gaga, she has another dog that is still in her care and hopefully it is providing the comfort she so desperately needs over this terrible event.

"Our whole family is upset and praying Koji and Gustavo are not harmed," Joe Germanotta told the outlet. He went on to ask the public to "[H]elp us catch these creeps."

The critters in question were being walked by Gaga's dog walker a 30-year-old male. Germanotta said that he is a "friend" of the family's. At the time of this post, the dog walker's condition is unknown by Germanotta as his first priorities are the dogs.

By the way, the dog walker was shot in the chest with a semi-automatic handgun and the LAPD Public Information Officer Jeff Lee said that the LA Fire Department transported him to a local hospital.

"Horrible people in LA," Germanotta continued. "Shooting someone in order to steal dogs is wrong," he revealed.

Ms. Gaga, who sings songs for a living,  is offering a $500,000 reward for information about her dogs' whereabouts. 

Anyone with information on the case are asked to email KojiandGustav@gmail.com.

Police say the shooting took place around 9:40 p.m. in the 1500 block of North Sierra Bonita Avenue.

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NoKo orders handing over of pet dogs for butchering as country undergoes food shortage

The high exalted leader for life of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has declared that pet dogs symbolize capitalist "decadence" and has ordered man's best friend in Pyongyang to be rounded up. Dog owners worry that their own beloved pets are to be eaten to solve the country's food shortage, by which Kim obviously is not affected.

In July, Kim announced that pet ownership is now illegal and denounced having a dog is "a tainted trend of bourgeois ideology."

Easy for the fat man to say. You know he's eating just fine.

"Authorities have identified households with pet dogs and are forcing them to give them up or forcefully confiscating them and putting them down," a source told South Korea's Chosun Ilbo newspaper.

'Some of the dogs are sent to state-run zoos or sold to dog meat restaurants'.

Eating Phydeaux [pronounced "Fido"] has long been considered a delicacy on the Korean Peninsula, although the tradition is gradually fading out in South Korea.

Still, an estimated 1 million dogs are reared on farms to be consumed every year in the South, even those dogs who beg, roll over, and give you their paw.

Dog meat is still a staple on the menu in the North, however, with a number of dedicated dog restaurants in Pyongyang.

The only drawback is that whenever you finish a meal of dog, you have an uncontrollable desire to life your leg when passing a fire hydrant.  Also, the term "hot dog" takes on a new meaning in the Korean Peninsula.

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Three liberal men arrested for allegedly having sex with critters

Mouse Road Gentleman's Farm

A group of men were arrested for allegedly having sex with no less than a dozen farm animals in Pennsylvania.

The orgies included cows, goats, horses and dogs over the past five years. The three perps are being held by Pennsylvania State Police after serving a search warrant at a home in the sleepy little town of Munson, in Clearfield County, about 130 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

Matthew Brubaker

Terry Wallace, 40, Matthew Brubaer, 32, and Marc Measnikoff, 34, have been charged with more than 1,000 charges each for what is believed to be five years of having sex with the animals.

It is possible they will use the "'I identified as a stallion'" when I did Nelly"
defense.

District attorney Bill Shaw told the accused that the charges thus far are part of an ongoing investigation into the abuse of animals.

Marc Measnikoff

"This is an unpleasant topic, but the facts are that we received a report of folks having sexual intercourse with animals, farm animals," he said.

"They was askin' fir it," Wallace said. "The way that goat would sashay past me in the field, well, it was jus' too much to take. I knew she wanted some of Terry."

The property where the alleged zoophilia took place is on Mouse Road--ironically, one species of critter left unmolested by the trio. But they are accused of having sexual relations with at least nine female horses, a cow, a goat, and dogs.

When Measnikoff was asked whether the dogs he had relations with were male or female he replied: "Female of course. What do you think I am? Gay?"

Terry Wallace

Cops also recovered several semi-automatic weapons at the home.

A teenage boy was also present at the home and reportedly held the animals during the sex sessions. Therefore, the men are also being charged with endangering the welfare of a child, and the corruption of a minor.

The men will remain in jail until the pay $100,000 bail. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for August 22nd.

Police said that it was a makeshift farm--but not a gentleman's farm.

This may be the start of a "Moo Too" movement.


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