North Korea's successful failure

The satellite launched by North Korea and put into orbit Sunday is tumbling faster than an old lady over a cliff in a fake anti-GOP ad, U.S. officials said Tuesday.

The rocket, with a range of about 7,500 miles, has the capability to reach the United States and the payload it tried to send into a long-term orbit was twice as heavy as the one fired in 2012, but it is more likely disguised as a satellite launch when, in fact, the real purpose was for North Korea to test their ICBM nuclear capacity.

So, in spite of the failure of the satellite to get into a viable earth orbit, the test was still a success: they can reach us with a nuke.

As of today, there have been no signals coming from the satellite, just like the 2012 screwup of the Kwangmyongsong 3-2 which also went into orbit and is slowly spiraling back to earth and no signal is heard from it. 

Many experts consider the Kwangmyongsong 3-2 to be the "Edsel of Rocketry."

Both satellites are named "Shining Star" due to the glow they will put out when they hit earth's atmosphere and burn up will be like an expensive shining star.

Interestingly, South Korean foreign analyst geeks believe the first stage of the rocket was designed to blow up after separation, to confuse people. Admittedly, these people were confused.

Meanwhile, scientists are trying to recover debris from the spent rocket in order to assess the rocketry skills of North Korea. They have only been able to find roughly the same percentage of rocket debris as normally found of a suicide bomber after the shouting of "Allahu Akbar!" fills the air.

Leaders around the world are trying to figure out how to punish North Korea. 

So-called U.S. President Barack Obama believes the best way to punish them is to force them into an overwhelming Obamacare health system whereby even Kim Jung Un would not be excluded, unlike politicians on Capitol Hill who don't have to buy into that system.

But other government leaders say they don't understand Obamacare,.

Mr. Obama explained that that is exactly the point of the system as it is based upon the stupidity of the Democratic voter.

But in all seriousness, the one problem we might face if these rockets become weaponized, is trying to shoot them down if they blow themselves up in stages. My guess is the North Koreans didn't even consider that perk.



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North Korea's Superbowl

According to my sources gone dark inside the bowels of North Korea, the country is in the process of fueling up the Unha 3 "space vehicle" named after Kim Jung Un with a "ha" at the end.  They may or may not do it by the day after the Superbowl.

The missile is currently at the Sci-Tech Complex in Pyongyang where it is undergoing its last tests, which in this case, are multiple choice questions.

North Korea is expected to finish the fueling process today but had run into some difficulties with Kim's MasterCard he tried using at the pump. The glitch has been rectified and the pumping continues.

According to my spies, the launch may go off as early as Monday and as late as Hillary's indictment. Only time will tell.

The U.S. Navy has already positioned a Japan-based guided missile destroyer with real anti-ballistic missile defense technology to shoot down the Unha 3 if it is deemed to be a threat to the homeland. However, President Obama has said that the United States should welcome all missiles and not merely U.S. missiles because that's who we are as a nation.

The Pentagon does not believe the current missile will carry a nuclear warhead but, hey, you never know. The missile can be used for a satellite or a nuke--same stuff inside, defense officials say. "The damn thing could take out LA, but good riddance to those liberal wussies," the same official said in a huff.

The North Koreans notified the U.N. earlier in the week that the launch of an earth observation satellite will take place sometime between February 8th to 25th. 

North Korea has yet to discover leap year.

In 2012 North Korea launched a satellite into orbit but it is not certain if remains in space and the U.S. at the time did an "Obama," clucking our tongue, waving our finger, and calling the test "provocative."

In December 2012 when the Unha 3 sent the "Bright Star" satellite into orbit, North Korea hailed it as a matter of great national pride as President Obama coincidentally spoke about gay pride. 

Have no fear, the U.S. commander of NORAD is confident that we can most likely shoot down a North Korean nuclear missile headed our way with any luck.


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North Korea almost locked and loaded to launch long-range missile

According to one U.S. official, Pyongyang is merely "days away" from launching a ballistic missile that is nuclear-capable and has intercontinental capabilities. The missile is quite similar to the one they launched in 2012, and although North Korea usually announces their launches in advance, calling them "space launches," this missile is built like an ICBM.

There goes our Ground Hog Day.

The United Nations and others will be very miffed and will likely do nothing, to keep in form with what the United States does under this administration. Oh, they'll squawk and shake limp fists, but nothing will be done in spite of the fact that long-range missile tests were banned to prevent the further proliferation of nukes by Kim Jung Un and his Hair Club for Men members.

According to an official at the International Maritime Organization in London, North Korea said that an Earth observation satellite will be launched sometime between February 8th and 25th. I believe they should launch it on our President's Day celebration on February 15th to punctuate how desperately the United States needs a real president.

To understand the chronology of the U.S. - North Korean Nuclear and Missile Diplomacy, go here.

Our current nuclear deal with Iran is likely a much worse case scenario because they have an end-times agenda. They will not be afraid of a nuclear holocaust that will assure them of what they believe will be "Paradise."

And that will be the end of Ground Hog Day.

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Another American taken hostage in N.Korea

Kim Jung Un and his band of loyal sycophants have arrested Otto Warmbier an American university student and is holding him over an undisclosed incident that allegedly occurred at his hotel before he was to board a flight to Beijing.

Warmbier is a University of Virginia student who, according to North Korea, committed a "hostile act" orchestrated by the United States.

CEO of Young Pioneer Tours, Gareth Johnson, confirmed with the AP that Warmbier had been staying at Pyongyang's Yanggako International Hotel and was alone when the alleged incident occurred. The company said in a statement that he was detained at Pyongyang Airport on January 2nd, but no explanation about the hotel incident was provided. 

Perhaps he tried to make off with a Gideon Bible, but I doubt it.

The incident comes just after president Obama agreed to release over $100 billion to another terrorist state, Iran, for the release of four Americans held hostage, and after several more Americans were kidnapped Baghdad on January 17th.

Now that Obama has changed the policy of not paying ransom, the "sky's the limit" for kidnappings because there's gold in them thar folks.


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You like tiny H-bomb Yankee?

An atomic bomb is to a hydrogen bomb like a sparkler is to an atomic bomb. So when North Korea claims it set off a Hydrogen bomb in an underground test, many people were skeptical because the 'pop' just wasn't there.

Okay, Pyongyang called it a "miniaturized" Hydrogen bomb, but North Korea calls Kim Jung Un the "Supreme Leader and Best Friends with Famous Basketball Player Dennis," so how can you take what they say seriously? 

North Korea lies like a Clinton at a congressional committee hearing.

In spite of the fact that the North Korean announcement could not be confirmed, we know that they test was a nuclear bomb, and this is their fourth test since 2006. Iran was in the peanut gallery watching this one as they have done before. 

A North Korean state-run TV spokeswoman said the test was a "perfect success," but if she didn't say that, she'd be placed in a minefield and told to start running as Kim looked on through his military binoculars waiting for the explosion.

However, this test, and the others, does not bode well for Barack Obama. 

In response to the announcement, the UN Security Council immediately called for an emergency meeting scheduled for Wednesday morning. Marco Rubio will not be there, but he doesn't need to be there as he is not part of the Council.

Pffffffffffffffffftttt

Andrei Lankov, an expert on North Korea, spoke with Fox News saying he was "seriously skeptical" that Pyongyang actually lit off an H-bomb because to do so, they would have needed to spend a lot more money in a country where money is scarce, and described doing that for just one test as "mission overkill." Lankov also believes the test didn't have the 'signature' of a Hydrogen bomb and he had no doubt that it was merely an atomic test.

Does it really matter if you're blown to bits by an atomic bomb or fried like a marshmallow with a blow torch?

Finally, both parties on Capitol Hill want to tighten sanctions and put more pressure on North Korea. Tightening sanctions on a country as poor as they are is like telling a guy living in a cardboard box under the Manhattan Bridge that you're not going to buy him a gym membership. 

I believe we need to make it clear to Iran, who appears to have a stake in this, that because of the nuclear proliferation that's going on with our enemies, we are going to snap back the sanctions we had on them and withhold every nickel of the money we earmarked for them.

Then  we need president Obama to tell Kim Jung Un, "We have your ugly ass in our sights and we're locked and loaded. You want nuclear, I'll give you nuclear where the sun don't shine, you no-neck scumcrumpet."

Can't you just see president Obama saying that?

Neither can I.

The sad truth is that this is a very serious situation and nothing is being done. These rogue nations like Iran and North Korea know Obama is everything that Lt. Col. Ralph Peters said of him and worse.


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CyberVandals Stole Our Candy

Calling North Korea's cyber attack of Sony Pictures Entertainment "cybervandalism" is like calling an Islamist beheading an American "unlicensed butchering." But that's how our so-called president responded to this act of war.

As Michigan's Mike Rogers (R) said, "Saying 'aloha' and getting on the plane to Hawaii is not the answer. I don't think that's enough. North Korea attacked, then threatened violence."

Obama has no policy for dealing with cyber attacks and his "go-to" response has always been to play the role POTUS, where the "P" does not stand for President, but for another familiar word sounding quite feline. 

Sony, Obama, Castro and Hawaii.

President Obama held his year-end news conference today just before going on a well-deserved vacation in Hawaii on our well-deserved taxes. Okay, so maybe his vacation is yet another vacation by a man who seems to enjoy golf and vacationing than actual work, but our tax dollars are well-deserved and I wish we could keep more of them.

The main issues he addressed were the Sony cyber attack by North Korea (or at least that's who they say is responsible), and the kissing up to Cuba's dictators, Raul and Fidel Castro after 50 years of sanctions.

Obama said he believes Sony "made a mistake" by not releasing "The Interview," a satire about the chubby dictator of North Korea, Kim Jung Un. Our divisive president vowed that the U.S. "will respond," but didn't say just how we will. If I were Kim, I wouldn't be too scared--Obama tends to speak lots of empty words, but does so very nicely. According to Harry Reid, he doesn't even have a Negro accent.

The FBI formally blamed Kim and his regime for the cyber-attack, which Obama mentioned via TelePrompTer. "We will respond," he vowed, and short of shaking a fist, nothing more was outlined. It is highly likely that Mr. Obama will first consult the polls before making any unilateral decision, unlike Kim Jung Un, who has no polls to consult, and all decisions are unilateral and final.

Barack mocked the regime for launching an "all-out assault" over a flick that was simply a satire, but he also went after Sony for being a bunch of pussies. He said that Sony should have spoken to him first, before making any decisions, but it would have been entirely possible for Obama to have called Sony if they didn't make the call to him.

In a patriotic and moving statement that brought many Americans to tears, Obama said: "We cannot have a society in which some dictator some place can start imposing censorship here in the United States." 

He did not add, but should have added: "If any censorship is going to be imposed in the United States of America, it's going to be imposed by me and it's going to be imposed over Islam and the Prophet, peace be upon him. Nobody screws with my prophet, peas be up in him."

In a moment of uncharacteristic liberal logic Obama explained that if someone can "intimidate" a company from releasing a satirical movie, "imagine what they start doing when they see a documentary that they don't like or news reports that they don't like." He was, of course, referring to Fox News, which he doesn't like either.

The so-called president said, in typical liberal logic that we will respond "proportionally" in a "place and  time and manner" of their choosing. When any man hears someone say in a fight, that he will respond "proportionally," any man knows the words are being spoken by someone who had never really been in a fight. You don't respond "proportionally," you respond with shock and awe and beat the holy crap out of your attacker so the message is clear and the behavior will cease immediately. Proportionally is for ideologues who believe everything in creation must be handed out equally--oh wait--we also call them Communists.

On the "hug a dictator front," Obama has made his lifetime dream come true: he is courting the Castros.  He will "normalize relations" with Cuba in spite of their killing Americans as recently as 1996. To show his good faith to Fidel and Raul, Obama is releasing three spies, one of whom is a killer. Hey, it's a better deal than we had with Bowe Bergdahl where we released five known jihadist murderers for a traitorous scumbag whose court results are still being kept secret from the public who paid for his defense.

Cuban-American lawmakers of both parties are angry at Obama over this decision. But Obama said that he had no illusions about the Castro regime. "This is still a regime that represses its people," he said, but failed to add, "which, all things being equal, I would do to these dumb voters in all 57 states. They need to be guided by me, someone smarter."

Obama is a lame duck but his dreams of dancing with Communism are coming true. His entire family was Communist and I suspect it had an effect on the way he sees things. 


Make no mistake; if he could finagle a third, fourth and tenth term in office, he would.

"Aloha, suckers."


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Kim Jung Un Executes Uncle Jung Without Dennis Rodman`s Input

"Don't buy any green bananas"

Seoul, North Korea: The uncle of Kim Jung Un, fearless leader of North Korea and BFF to dauntless cross-dressing Dennis Rodman, had his beloved uncle, Jung Song Thaek put to death for treason. Uncle Jung (no relation to famous psychologist Carl Jung) was considered to be the 2nd most powerful man in all North Korea. Now the number 3 man will become number two and four will be three, and so on.