Legal analyst and Zoomturbator, Jeff Toobin had offered cash to abort his son after he got his co-worker's daughter pregnant

Jeffrey Toobin, a legal analyst for the Comedy News Network and renown Zoom chicken choker, recently gave commentary on the network about former president Donald Trump's hush money trial. And while he tried to come off as a virtuous, 'holier than thou' analyst and paint Trump as a sexually immoral person, Toobin's past is not only checkered, but it's also a hot mess and his name has become a verb: 'to Toobin.'

In 2020 he was fired from the New Yorker  for 'taking matters into his own hands' during a Zoom call with the organization’s senior staff. [H/T New York Post.]

There is also a second woman who reportedly claimed Toobin came onto her with course sexual advances at a party, which she rebuffed. 

Toobin, 63, has no moral ground to stand on when attacking Trump as his past shows us. While Trump allegedly tried to buy Stormy Daniels' [aka Stephanie Clifford] silence regarding an affair she claims they had, Toobin once tried to pay for a lover's abortion in an attempt to keep their relationship secret. The woman in question is the daughter of Toobin's coworker.

The hot and cold relationship Toobin had with Casey Greenfield, the daughter of Jeff Greenfield, was reported by the Daily News in 2010. The paper cited sources saying that the baloney bopper offered her "money if she had an abortion" after she became pregnant in 2008. Toobin was married at the time and still is.

When Greenfield refused to kill her unborn baby, Toobin became livid.

“When Casey wouldn’t have an abortion, Jeff told her she was going to regret it, that she shouldn’t expect any help from him,” another source told the tabloid. He sounds like on hell of a guy but CNN hired him back anyway. 

Toobin, is an abortion advocate who would have happily killed his unborn son, and is 13 years Greenfield’s senior. The reprehensible banana-beater only agreed to pay child support after being ordered to do so by Manhattan Family Court.

Toobin is married to and has cheated on, Amy McIntosh, a one-time executive at Verizon and the Zagat Survey, with whom he had two children that he did not kill.

CNN kept Toobin off the network for a year before he was ultimately welcomed back as they believed the viewing public has a short memory. Now the boxer of the one-eyed champ has a gig bashing former President Trump and discusses his legal troubles with women.

What a guy. What a network. What a world.

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Toobin quitting CNN to have more time on his hands

Jeffrey Toobin, a man whose surname has become a verb, is leaving CNN, perhaps to have more alone time or to contemplate his navel. His departure from the Compromised News Network received a lot of reaction on Twitter, especially by conservatives.

The carrot cuffing bishop beater announced his decision on Friday after working for the network for 20 years without so much as a blemish on his "record."

Toobin was in the middle of controversy in 2020 when he was fired from the New Yorker and took a leave of absence from CNN after getting caught flicking his bean while on a Zoom conference call that was witnessed by a number of his stunned colleagues. He thought his camera feed was turned off, but alas, it taped the entire scene in his situation room.

Zoom may have shared that video with all of mainland China for all we know.

CNN took Toobin back because they have seen and done it all and were not in the least bit perturbed by Toobin's toobining on the telly. Remember, another Jeff who goes by Zucker, also had a primary focus on this same body part as Toobin.

Toobin made the announcement in a letter to his colleagues Friday.  “I wanted to let you know that after twenty years I’ve decided to leave CNN after my vacation,” Toobin said in the letter, via Variety. “It was great to spend my last day on air, like so many before, with my pals at [The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer], [Anderson Cooper 360] and Don Lemon Tonight. It’s been a privilege (and fun) being your colleague. The work of CNN is enormously important, and I know you’ll continue doing it with the same passion and intelligence as always.”

And when Toobin says it was fun, you know he means it.

He made the announcement public in a tweet Friday afternoon. “Friends, I’ve decided that, after 20 years, I’m leaving @cnn after my vacation,” Toobin tweeted. “Was great to spend my last day on air with pals Wolf, Anderson and Don. Love all my former colleagues. Watch for my next book, about the Oklahoma City bombing, coming in 2023 from [Simon and Schuster].”

Variety noted that while it was not known whether his contract expired with the network, his exit appeared to be a mutual agreement. “We are grateful for Jeffrey’s contributions to the network over the years and wish him all the best in his future endeavors,” CNN said in a statement, via Variety.

Conservatives on Twitter reacted to Toobin’s announcement, ruthlessly mocking him over the Zoom incident.

“He’s quitting to spend more time with himself,” podcaster Noam Blum responded.

“You’re more of a solo act anyway,” journalist Ryan Girdusky responde

“Apparently, among the other things that he has his hands on, he’ll have his hands on plenty of time,” conservative activist Ned Ryun tweeted.

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“He finished,” NewsBusters managing editor Curtis Houck joked.

Pro Tip: Think of your camera as if it was a rifle: it's always dangerous even when it isn't.

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Jeffrey Toobin still at CNN wants Justice Breyer to not stay on US Supreme Court

Online bishop beater and Corrupt News Network (CNN) contributor Jeffrey Toobin is frustrated that Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer wants to remain on the job and refuses to listen to leftist liberals to go away and let a younger leftist take his seat. 

Coming from a guy whose sexually inappropriate behavior should have gotten him permanently removed from the public eye [because nobody wants to see what he does to himself when he thinks nobody is watching], Toobin has proved himself to be the epitome of hypocrite. In fact, his surname has become synonymous with public masturbating, but CNN still took him back when they thought the story about his Toobining had blown over.

In a "New Day" segment flagged by the Media Research Center, the worm burper declared that, although Breyer "does have all his marbles" and can choose when to retire, he was "gambling with the future of the Supreme Court." 

In reality, Breyer wasn't gambling on anything--he was merely remaining on the Court and doing the job he was appointed to "for life." Hopefully he will remain there until 2024 when Donald Trump once again assumes the presidency, or another Republican.

In a new interview this week with CNN, Breyer said he had not decided when he would retire, but it certainly would not be influenced by a guy like Toobin. "Can you imagine that," Breyer began, "a guy like Jeffrey Toobin is telling me I should retire after what he got caught doing to himself. Let him retire."

"As usual, Stephen Breyer is playing checkers and Mitch McConnell is playing chess," Toobin told co-hosts John Berman and Brianna Keilar because he couldn't come up with an original cliche. "The idea that he is somehow preserving the court by pretending that politics has nothing to do with the Supreme Court is just delusional. But he’s in charge of whether Stephen Breyer retires, and he is in good health. He does have all his marbles."

Of course the truth is, politics shouldn't be part of the Supreme Court but the Democrats have made it so. Rather than doing an honest interpretation of the U.S. Constitution, the left consistently stretches the boundaries of its words.

Toobin, a man who publicly masturbated on a Zoom call, predicted, based off historical trends, that Republicans would win back the Senate in the 2022 midterm elections and that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, (R-KY), would not hold a vote on a Democratic Supreme Court nominee if he becomes majority leader, which is the smart, strategic thing to do when the Republicans take back the Senate and hopefully the House.

The Zoom call that beats them all

"The window for him to leave is extremely small to assure a Democratic replacement. Maybe he’ll leave next year. But who knows what the story will be next year before the midterms," Toobin, a flagrant banister polisher said. "He is gambling with the future of the Supreme Court and Ruth Ginsburg lost that gamble. We’ll see what happens with Stephen Breyer."

"What other job do we say that 82-year-olds shouldn’t retire? I mean, come on! 82 is not the new anything. 82 is old. He’s been on the court since 1994. No one’s shoving him off prematurely," Toobin said. "What is it with these justices that they can’t say, you know what, I’ve been here for 20 years, 30 years. It’s time to go."

Toobin seems to be upset that he isn't the only person in the public spotlight who expiration date is long past due but gets to stay on the job. But at least he makes no bones about being a staunch Democrat supporter like the legacy media in general.

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Dalton sex-ed teacher fired after "masturbation" lesson for 1st graders

A self-described teacher whose classes included sex ed classes that used cartoon videos on masturbation for first graders at Manhattan's posh Dalton School has resigned. [H/T The NY Post.] 

Justine Ang Fonte not only taught young children about "Lone Rangering," but also held a one-day workshop on "porn literacy" to juniors at the Columbia Grammar & Prep School, which is an overpriced  high school in New York City. The workshop angered some parents and Fonte will not be returning to the Dalton school next year, according to Dalton's head, Jim Best, who will also not be returning next year.

“Throughout her tenure at Dalton, Justine Ang Fonte has helped to develop an exemplary K-12 Health and Wellness program. Dalton — our faculty, staff, administration, and trustees — continue to stand firmly behind this program and those who teach it,” Best wrote.

“At faculty and staff meetings this week, Justine announced her decision to leave Dalton to focus on her work as an independent Health Educator. She has been working toward this goal for over a year. We support Justine’s aspirations and look forward to honoring her accomplishments as the academic year comes to a close.”

One Dalton parent was not impressed with the school’s statement .

“This inability to admit a mistake or acknowledge misstep is strange,” she said. “It shows a real lack of emotional intelligence and self awareness on behalf of the leadership team.”

Last fall, Dalton parents, who fork over $55,000 per year for their kids’ tuition, learned that their first-graders were being taught sex-ed lessons that included cartoons showing little kids talking about “touching themselves” for pleasure.

“Hey, how come sometimes my penis gets big sometimes and points in the air?” asks the little boy in the cartoon, leading to an explanation of what an “erection” is.

The boy nods and says, “Sometimes I touch my penis because it feels good.” As does CNN's Jeffrey Toobin.

Then the little girl adds: “Sometimes, when I’m in my bath or when Mom puts me to bed, I like to touch my vulva too.” 

The parents were initially told they had “misinterpreted” the content of the classwork because the school's administration underestimated their intelligence.

Fonte had reassured parents that she does not use the word “masturbation” in class, and that her lessons teach kids not to touch themselves in public. The words she uses are: "poaching the egg," and "petting the cat." That totally put the parents at ease, or maybe it didn't.

But if CNN can bring back the star masturbator, Jeffrey Toobin, who was caught on live work video "toobining" himself, why can't the parents forgive and forget what Fonte did?

Answer: Because it hit home and affected them directly. Just like it would if Democrats lived near the southern border and illegal aliens camped out on their lawns--they would be the loudest advocators of building a wall.

Fonte's presentation included a list of most searched pornographic terms that will not be mentioned here, but you get the point.

Since when is it the job of schools to take on the role that traditionally belonged to parents? This is just another way the government is trying to indoctrinate our kids.

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Comedy News Network mum on Toobin since masturbating on Zoom

Don't touch that hand, trust me

Wow, it has been six months since CNN's legal analyst Jeffrey "Hang On, I'll Be Right There" Toobin took  time off for getting off, solo, on a Zoom call. It isn't like we all haven't done it on a Zoom call at least once, but hey, his last name is Toobin--you can't pick a better name for someone who gets caught going into "manual override," if you follow my drift.

Last October, Vice broke the story about the alleged incident in which Toobin exposed himself to his New Yorker colleagues in that infamous call that was then described as "election simulation." Even that choice of words is just 2 letters off from. a hilarious description: just change one "l" to an "r" and add a "t" in the appropriate spaces.

It was later revealed that Toobin was seen "Toobining" during what was supposed to be a 10-minute "strategy session."

Toobin was later fired by the New Yorker following an investigation, but his status at CNN remains a mystery. Will the network take him back or does he have to take matters into his own hand and demand they do?

At the time, CNN issued a statement saying, "Jeff Toobin has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted." The personal issue referred to was the fact that Toobin got caught in the process of "finding Nemo," if you get my point.

However, the fact that Toobin hasn't formally been axed is fueling speculation of an eventual return to the network once things get worked out, and certain CNN insiders believe he will.

That being said, the DIY dabbler has a history of disturbing sexual behavior and there have been rumors in a 2010 Gawker report about Toobin's inappropriate actions with women outside his wonderful marriage to his lovely wife. And then there's the situation in which Toobin fathered a child in 2009 with Casey Greenfield, the lovely daughter of Jeff Greenfield his former CNN colleague.

Toobin urged Ms. Greenfield to have the baby professionally killed by doctors but she refused and was later taken to court where he lied saying the child was not his. The weasel was forced to take a DNA test which proved he lied and was indeed the father of the child, and was ordered to pay child support.

Jeffrey Toobin may have engaged in safe sex on Zoom, but beyond that blooper he is a horrible person and that makes him star material for CNN.

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Toobin fired by New Yorker for "Toobining" on Zoom call

They waited until all the evidence was in that staff writer and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin was indeed masturbating during a Zoom conference call before firing him. Yes, he was indeed choking the chicken and now he is gone.

Toobin, whose name has become a verb for manual override or marching the penguin, was suspended last month. This week The Daily Beast obtained a memo stating that he was indeed fired.

Indeed.

“I am writing to share with you that our investigation regarding Jeffrey Toobin is complete, and as a result, he is no longer affiliated with our company,” read the memo.

“I want to assure everyone that we take workplace matters seriously. We are committed to fostering an environment where everyone feels respected and upholds our standards of conduct,” read the internal memo, referring to Toobin's use of a wicked hand gesture.

In a statement, Toobin acknowledged that he had been fired, but said he'd continue to read the magazine [in the hopes of finding interesting Victoria's Secret ads] and said that he will miss his colleagues, [but not the ones who turned him in]. 

Toobin's status as a CNN analyst is not clear but when you consider who they still have on staff, you can imagine that Toobining could be an accepted behavior.

The far-left garbage outlet Vice, citing two sources and reported last month that Toobin had been caught “masturbating on a zoom video chat” during the juncture of an election simulation.

One thing for sure, he wasn't fantasizing a Republican woman and many believe it was Hillary or Nancy he was seeing in his mind's eye. The fact is, however, Toobin was apparently on another video call.

The two sources described a juncture in the election simulation when there was a strategy session, and the Democrats and Republicans went into their respective break out rooms for about 10 minutes. At this point, they said, it seemed like Toobin was on a second video call. The sources said that when the groups returned from their break out rooms, Toobin lowered the camera. The people on the call said they could see Toobin touching his penis. Toobin then left the call. Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware that his colleagues had been able to see him with his hand in the cookie jar, and the simulation continued.

Toobin publicly apologized to his wife, family, friends and co-workers in a statement to Vice, and called the incident an “embarrassingly stupid mistake,” and he promised to never masturbate on camera again.

“I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video,” he said, oblivious to the idea that even when though he believed he wasn't being seen, turning on the weed wacker wasn't the right thing to do in any circumstance during a Zoom call or even while on Twitter.

Will you miss Jeffrey Toobin if he is booted from CNN? Do you even watch the Compromised News Network?

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More on Jeffrey Toobin's "exposure"--a chicken may have paid the ultimate price

Toobin in the Now

It was initially reported that the Comedy News Network's legal Anal ist, Jeffrey Toobin was suspended from the New Yorker after he unwittingly exposed himself on a Zoom call to the magazine and WNYC radio staff. 

The report has now been updated.

It turns out to be false. Toobin was not exposing himself, according to those who saw what he was doing on camera--he was apparently "choking the chicken," or "charming the cobra," as it were. Yes, this overpaid pea-brain law school graduate was masturbating and did not know he left his computer camera on.

Even some on the left would say that "beating the bishop" during a Zoom call, whether or not one was sending it out over the internet, was unprofessional and somewhat gross. Everyone on the right would agree.

The matter is being "investigated" said a spokesperson for the New Yorker, and one can only imagine the difficulty one would have trying to maintain a professional demeanor, [keeping a straight face] while looking at the video in this so-called investigation.

"Jeffrey Toobin has been suspended while we investigate the matter,” a spokesperson for the New Yorker solemnly confirmed to Fox News.

Vice later reported a very salacious update.

The call, which was described as an "election simulation," featured Toobin's New Yorker colleagues including Jane Mayer, Masha Gessen, Andrew Marantz, Jelani Cobb, Evan Osnos, Sue Halpern, and Dexter Filkins playing various roles in potential 2020 outcomes including President Trump, Joe Biden, "establishment Republicans," 'establishment Democrats," and "the military." Toobin was playing "the courts." while playing something else.

According to two sources, Toobin was seen "flicking the bean" in what was supposed to be a 10-minute "strategy session" along party lines, but that it "seemed like Toobin was on a second video call."

"The sources said that when the groups returned from their breakout rooms, Toobin lowered the camera. The people on the call said they could see Toobin touching his homeboy. Toobin then left the call. Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware of what his colleagues had been able to see, and the simulation continued," Vice reported. 

Vice updated their original report: "This piece has been updated with more detail about the call and the headline has been updated to reflect that Toobin was masturbating."

Prior to the reported "double clicking," Toobin, one of CNN's biggest leftists, offered a feeble apology for his "embarrassingly stupid mistake" and attempted to explain what led to the incident.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers," Toobin said in a statement to Motherboard. “I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video."

So the mistake was that he was visible to Motherboard, not that he was "celebrating Palm Sunday." Interesting. 

According to a CNN statement obtained by The Washington Post, "Jeff Toobin has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted.”

Yeah, he wants to spend more time with his family, yadda yadda.

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NYC Coronavirus Sex Guide is seriously funny

I don't know about you guys, but my wife and I are disappointed that the New York City Sex Guide written by a free spirit of the city government only wants us to have sex with ourselves, alone, or only with members of our own household.

Just kidding--this guide is a joke but it wasn't supposed to be. 

The advisory guide goes into some detail of the best practices for sex during the current pandemic and really seems to encourage masturbation, but warns that you should wash your hands after you're done doing the knuckle shuffle.

"You are your safest sex partner," the guide reads.

The city strongly urges people to consolidate their partners, thus they should sleep only with the people that live in your house. It says nothing about people who use their home as an Airbnb.

Additionally, it warns against "mouth to anus" action and recommends using condoms [aka: "wearing a raincoat in the shower"] during sex and oral sex, which isn't sex according to Bill Clinton.

Below is the guide. After you read it, I recommend you wash your hands.

Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
All New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19.
But can you have sex?
Here are some tips for how to enjoy sex and to avoid spreading COVID-19.
1. Know how COVID-19 spreads.

• You can get COVID-19 from a person who has it.
  o The virus can spread to people who are within about 6 feet of a person with COVID-19 when that person coughs or sneezes.
  o The virus can spread through direct contact with their saliva or mucus.
  
• We still have a lot to learn about COVID-19 and sex.
  o COVID-19 has been found in feces of people who are infected with the virus. o COVID-19 has not yet been found in semen or vaginal fluid.
  o We know that other coronaviruses do not efficiently transmit through sex.
  2. Have sex with people close to you.
  

• You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you
  wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before
  and after sex.
  
• The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact — including sex
  — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19.
  
• You should avoid close contact — including sex — with anyone outside your household. If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible.
  
• If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living by having sex, consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.
  3. Take care during sex.
  

• Kissing can easily pass COVID-19. Avoid kissing anyone who is not part of your small circle
  of close contacts.
  
• Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.
  
• Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva or feces, especially during oral
  or anal sex.
  
• Washing up before and after sex is more important than ever.
  o Wash hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds.
  

The NYC Health Department may change recommendations as the situation evolves. 3.21.20

o Washsextoyswithsoapandwarmwater.
o Disinfect keyboards and touch screens that you share with others (for video chat, for
watching pornography or for anything else).
4. Skip sex if you or your partner is not feeling well.

• If you or a partner may have COVID-19, avoid sex and especially kissing.
  
• If you start to feel unwell, you may be about to develop symptoms of COVID-19, which
  include fever, cough, sore throat or shortness of breath.
  
• If you or your partner has a medical condition that can lead to more severe COVID-19,
  you may also want to skip sex.
  o Medical conditions include lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, cancer or a
  weakened immune system (for example, having unsuppressed HIV and a low CD4 count).
  5. Prevent HIV, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy.
  

• HIV: Condoms, pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and having an undetectable viral load all
  help prevent HIV. For more information, visit nyc.gov/health and search HIV.
  
• Other STIs: Condoms help prevent other STIs. Visit nyc.gov/health and search STIs.
  
• Pregnancy: Make sure you have an effective form of birth control for the coming weeks.
  Visit nyc.gov/health and search birth control.
  For more information about COVID-19, visit nyc.gov/coronavirus.
  

The NYC Health Department may change recommendations as the situation evolves.  

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This is what you get when you have Bill de Blasio as your mayor.

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NYC: Man stabbed on subway for publicly 'charming the cobra'

The following is based on a true story with some slang thrown in for chuckles.

A 29-year-old man reported that he was stabbed by a woman on the subway who accused him of publicly masturbating, [aka painting the pickle] according to police.

The alleged "chicken choker" told police that he was riding a No.5 train between E. 86th and E. 59th St. at approximately 8:30 p.m, Saturday when the incident with the crazy lady occurred.

After he got on the train, he observed a man and a woman with a baby stroller sit near him. When he stood up from his seat with his hands in his hoodie pockets, the woman sitting near him reportedly accused him of pounding the bishop, the New York Daily News reports.

“I’m not touching myself. Are you crazy?” the man said in response to her accusation him of  "adjusting the antenna."

The accusation led to a heated back-and-forth between the two, resulting in the woman pulling out a pocket knife and allegedly stabbing the man who allegedly was "engaging in safe sex," in the shoulder, according to the New York Post.

The alleged "log flogger" then reportedly scooted into an adjacent subway car, and had to physically hold the door shut to keep the woman from continue stabbing him for simply "holding his own."

When the train finally stopped at the E. 59th St. station, the alleged "log flogger" sprung from the train car, attempting to escape via a stairway when the man who entered the train with the woman grabbed his hoodie and pulled him back down, according to police.

The fleeing man managed to get away from his pursuer by running across the subway tracks, then boarding another train.

Afterward, the stab victim went to Queens Mount Sinai Hospital in Astoria, where his injuries required three stitches.

Police have made no arrest related to the incident as of Monday morning.


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Substitute teacher allegedly buffin' the muffin with students in classroom

A substitute teacher in Ohio was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of masturbating in a classroom where students were present, according to reports.

Students at Creekside Middle School in Fairfield reported “suspicious behavior” by Tracey Abraham taking place behind his desk to school officials, the Fairfield City School District said in a statement.

The school resource officer removed Abraham, 41, from the campus. He was arrested later the same day and now faces a public indecency charge, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported. For some reason, he will not be returning to Fairfield city schools.

“At this time, the school district is not aware of the substitute teacher having physical contact with any of our students,” the district statement read. “In addition, we are not aware of any students being exposed to any nudity."

In other words, the kids didn't get to see Abraham's bishop, if you know what I mean.

Abraham was not a district employee. The district gets its substitutes from the nearby Butler County Educational Service Center. Abraham’s father, Rick, told the Enquirer that "I don't think what they saw is what really was happening," in reference to the allegations against his son. Obviously, his dad may be somewhat prejudice.

A court on Tuesday ordered Abraham to stay away from locations where children under 18 are present. His next court date is scheduled for Jan. 15.


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OJ caught masturbating may cause parole trouble and blindness

Dailymail.com reports that OJ Simpson's parole may be denied after he was caught masturbating in his Nevada prison cell. He was caught in the act by a female corrections officer, a prison official told the online news organization.

Masturbating is strictly forbidden in U.S. federal prisons where only mental masturbation is permitted, and then only with consensual thoughts of both fantasy parties.

"OJ [Orenthal James Simpson] is facing a disciplinary hearing after being written up for masturbating in his prison cell," said the source. "He was caught by a female corrections officer making her normal rounds in late June."

Dailymail.com confirmed with Lovelock Correctional Center [you cannot make this name up for this story] that it employs female corrections officers, some of whom can be, shall we say, very inspiring.

When "The Juice" goes in front of the Nevada Department of Corrections Parole Board on Thursday, he still will not have faced the disciplinary hearing for the sinful act of self-pleasuring, and the source says that this could pose a problem for him.

"While it's not the most serious charge to be written up for in prison [which might just be murder], it's serious enough that any potential parole date may be delayed or his parole denied altogether," the source added. 

Simpson has served not even 9 years of a 33-year sentence for a 2008 conviction for kidnapping and robbery when he and his moron buddies confronted a pair of memorabilia dealers with many of his souvenirs. The incident took place at the Palace State Hotel and Casino on September 13, 2007.

It's a good bet that OJ will be granted parole--after all, he's a Heisman Trophy winner--you can't keep a guy that great in prison forever. 

And the show will be televised!

One of Simpson's victims in the case, Bruce Fromong, is expected to testify in favor of his release after being promised by OJ that he won't come after him and cut his throat if he says nice things about him.

Simpson will appear remotely from Lovelock (coincidentally, that's the name of the move he put on himself) in front of the four-member parole board in Carson City, Nevada at 1:00 p.m.

Even the former DA who prosecuted OJ believes he has served his time, according to the New York Post. 

Come on--you don't expect a guy who's now 70, to spend the rest of his life in jail just for kidnapping someone at gunpoint and stealing his things. The guy's a Heisman Trophy winner.

OJ was not convicted in the murder case of Nicole Brown Simpson, his ex-wife who he undoubtedly killed along with Ron Goldman and got away with it because the prosecuting team was too busy with their own 'Love-locking' with each other to get a conviction.

And let's not forget, the guy's a Heisman Trophy winner. 

But we love our heroes and they will very likely let him go. Fortunately for society, he's pretty stupid and may find his way back behind bars.

Will there be a book deal on OJ's horizon? If so, I hope they call it: "Cut and Run."


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American Airlines passenger upset with masturbating seat-mate

Chloe King was heading from New York City to Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, France. She had a window seat and a man sat in the middle while a woman sat by the aisle.

Catching a few zzz's in flight, she awoke to discover the guy next to her was masturbating while she slept.

So she wrote an essay about it for Medium saying that the woman seated on the masturbator's other side saw him doing it and told the flight attendant who allowed the woman by the aisle to change seats.

According to the essay, the guy was told that once they landed in Paris he would be arrested. However, King wasn't told nor awakened during the time the guy was 'being his own best friend' and only discovered what was happening after she awoke a while later, as the plane was descending toward Charles de Gaulle. It was only then that a flight attendant summoned her to the rear of the plane and informed her of what had happened, because "they just wanted to let me know."

"What they didn't do was wake me up and move me to a safe place," she wrote in her essay titled "We've Now Reached Creeping Altitude."

She said she wasn't allowed to switch seats like the other woman seated by the aisle was able to do.

"Instead, they made me climb back over the sex offender, trapped between him and the window for the rest of the flight. I was shaking and crying and trying not to get sick," said King.

So the question is, was she sleeping or was she crying? 

Once the plane landed, she said she was met with "blank stares" at the AA desk after reporting the crew's actions (or inactions, in her case). She also wrote how the airline sent her a "generic" email after escalating the matter to AA's legal department.

Now she is pleading with the everyone in the world not to fly with AA over what she says was a failure on their part to "protect [her] safety in a horrifying situation."

"You chose to treat the man committing the crime with far more respect than the unconscious woman sitting beside him," King wrote, addressing the airline directly. "As humans, we deserve more than that."

"Please choose any other airline," she posted on Facebook.

A spokesperson for AA responded to King's complaints in a statement they provided to the New York Daily News. 

"We are reviewing how we handled the situation on this flight, and have reached out directly to Ms. King."

The masturbator was reportedly taken into custody when he arrived in Paris. 

The man is obviously a wack job.


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Texas lawmaker files bill to fine men for masturbating

Rep. Jessica Farrar has filed a bill that would fine men $100 for masturbating. She said that it's "an act against an unborn child." 

If that's the case, then women need to be fined for menstruating. It's also a biological act against an unborn child. 

In truth, she introduced the legislation on Friday in a rather lame attempt to satirize current laws and contrast the gap between reproductive health care regulations for men and women.

"Although HB 4260 is satirical, there is nothing funny about current health care restrictions for women and the very real legislation that is proposed every legislative session," she posted on Facebook.

Farrar labeled the bill "Man's Right to Know Act." It also contains provisions that put restrictions on vasectomies, Viagra prescriptions and colonoscopies.

Under Texas law, women who want an abortion are given a pamphlet called "A Woman's Right to Know" and must take a transvaginal ultrasound before the procedure in order to show them the life they came to end.

Interesting how she conflates abortion with health care and birth control. Then again, the liberals need to do that to make it sound like abortion is moral and good.

Farrar, an advocate of a woman's right to kill the baby in her uterus, labels masturbation as an "act against an unborn child," meaning that she probably never passed a high school biology course.

She proposes that men be fined $100 if caught masturbating--which she is wont to do.

Women get a free 'self-pleasuring pass' because no babies are harmed when they do. Then again, no babies are harmed when men do too.

Republicans criticized the "Man's Right to Know Act" last week. They realize how much she sounds like an idiot.

Imagine, she's an elected government official.


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