NYC Coronavirus Sex Guide is seriously funny

I don't know about you guys, but my wife and I are disappointed that the New York City Sex Guide written by a free spirit of the city government only wants us to have sex with ourselves, alone, or only with members of our own household.

Just kidding--this guide is a joke but it wasn't supposed to be. 

The advisory guide goes into some detail of the best practices for sex during the current pandemic and really seems to encourage masturbation, but warns that you should wash your hands after you're done doing the knuckle shuffle.

"You are your safest sex partner," the guide reads.

The city strongly urges people to consolidate their partners, thus they should sleep only with the people that live in your house. It says nothing about people who use their home as an Airbnb.

Additionally, it warns against "mouth to anus" action and recommends using condoms [aka: "wearing a raincoat in the shower"] during sex and oral sex, which isn't sex according to Bill Clinton.

Below is the guide. After you read it, I recommend you wash your hands.

Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
All New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19.
But can you have sex?
Here are some tips for how to enjoy sex and to avoid spreading COVID-19.
1. Know how COVID-19 spreads.

• You can get COVID-19 from a person who has it.
  o The virus can spread to people who are within about 6 feet of a person with COVID-19 when that person coughs or sneezes.
  o The virus can spread through direct contact with their saliva or mucus.
  
• We still have a lot to learn about COVID-19 and sex.
  o COVID-19 has been found in feces of people who are infected with the virus. o COVID-19 has not yet been found in semen or vaginal fluid.
  o We know that other coronaviruses do not efficiently transmit through sex.
  2. Have sex with people close to you.
  

• You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you
  wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before
  and after sex.
  
• The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact — including sex
  — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19.
  
• You should avoid close contact — including sex — with anyone outside your household. If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible.
  
• If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living by having sex, consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.
  3. Take care during sex.
  

• Kissing can easily pass COVID-19. Avoid kissing anyone who is not part of your small circle
  of close contacts.
  
• Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.
  
• Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva or feces, especially during oral
  or anal sex.
  
• Washing up before and after sex is more important than ever.
  o Wash hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds.
  

The NYC Health Department may change recommendations as the situation evolves. 3.21.20

o Washsextoyswithsoapandwarmwater.
o Disinfect keyboards and touch screens that you share with others (for video chat, for
watching pornography or for anything else).
4. Skip sex if you or your partner is not feeling well.

• If you or a partner may have COVID-19, avoid sex and especially kissing.
  
• If you start to feel unwell, you may be about to develop symptoms of COVID-19, which
  include fever, cough, sore throat or shortness of breath.
  
• If you or your partner has a medical condition that can lead to more severe COVID-19,
  you may also want to skip sex.
  o Medical conditions include lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, cancer or a
  weakened immune system (for example, having unsuppressed HIV and a low CD4 count).
  5. Prevent HIV, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy.
  

• HIV: Condoms, pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and having an undetectable viral load all
  help prevent HIV. For more information, visit nyc.gov/health and search HIV.
  
• Other STIs: Condoms help prevent other STIs. Visit nyc.gov/health and search STIs.
  
• Pregnancy: Make sure you have an effective form of birth control for the coming weeks.
  Visit nyc.gov/health and search birth control.
  For more information about COVID-19, visit nyc.gov/coronavirus.
  

The NYC Health Department may change recommendations as the situation evolves.  

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This is what you get when you have Bill de Blasio as your mayor.

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