Toobin fired by New Yorker for "Toobining" on Zoom call

They waited until all the evidence was in that staff writer and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin was indeed masturbating during a Zoom conference call before firing him. Yes, he was indeed choking the chicken and now he is gone.

Toobin, whose name has become a verb for manual override or marching the penguin, was suspended last month. This week The Daily Beast obtained a memo stating that he was indeed fired.

Indeed.

“I am writing to share with you that our investigation regarding Jeffrey Toobin is complete, and as a result, he is no longer affiliated with our company,” read the memo.

“I want to assure everyone that we take workplace matters seriously. We are committed to fostering an environment where everyone feels respected and upholds our standards of conduct,” read the internal memo, referring to Toobin's use of a wicked hand gesture.

In a statement, Toobin acknowledged that he had been fired, but said he'd continue to read the magazine [in the hopes of finding interesting Victoria's Secret ads] and said that he will miss his colleagues, [but not the ones who turned him in]. 

Toobin's status as a CNN analyst is not clear but when you consider who they still have on staff, you can imagine that Toobining could be an accepted behavior.

The far-left garbage outlet Vice, citing two sources and reported last month that Toobin had been caught “masturbating on a zoom video chat” during the juncture of an election simulation.

One thing for sure, he wasn't fantasizing a Republican woman and many believe it was Hillary or Nancy he was seeing in his mind's eye. The fact is, however, Toobin was apparently on another video call.

The two sources described a juncture in the election simulation when there was a strategy session, and the Democrats and Republicans went into their respective break out rooms for about 10 minutes. At this point, they said, it seemed like Toobin was on a second video call. The sources said that when the groups returned from their break out rooms, Toobin lowered the camera. The people on the call said they could see Toobin touching his penis. Toobin then left the call. Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware that his colleagues had been able to see him with his hand in the cookie jar, and the simulation continued.

Toobin publicly apologized to his wife, family, friends and co-workers in a statement to Vice, and called the incident an “embarrassingly stupid mistake,” and he promised to never masturbate on camera again.

“I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video,” he said, oblivious to the idea that even when though he believed he wasn't being seen, turning on the weed wacker wasn't the right thing to do in any circumstance during a Zoom call or even while on Twitter.

Will you miss Jeffrey Toobin if he is booted from CNN? Do you even watch the Compromised News Network?

C'mon, man, gimme a break. You know you want to follow Brain Flushings--it's free and worth every penny. And remember, every time you click on an ad, an angel gets its wings and a liberal sheds a tear. C'mon.

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