Iran Mines Own Nuclear Site So Nobody Can Steal Uranium It Definitely Wasn’t Using For Nukes

TEHRAN, IRAN-- Authorities in Iran reportedly collapsed tunnels and planted mines around their bombed Isfahan nuclear complex this week in what officials described as “a completely peaceful effort” to stop American troops from confiscating uranium the regime insists is only intended for “totally normal civilian apocalypse prevention.”

According to intelligence sources cited by CNN, the Iranian regime deliberately turned the nuclear site into a live-action level of Call of Duty after President Donald Trump reportedly considered sending in forces to seize Tehran’s stash of highly enriched uranium.

Analysts say the move has complicated negotiations between Iran and the United States, mainly because it’s difficult to verify nuclear material when it’s buried beneath several tons of rubble, land mines, and decades of Islamic revolutionary paranoia.

“The fate of the enriched stockpile is one of the key issues in an emerging potential deal between Iran and the US to end the war,” officials confirmed, apparently while trying not to laugh at the phrase “potential deal with Iran.”

Former nuclear official Scott Roecker warned that the regime could now conveniently claim some uranium is impossible to recover.

“If negotiators ‘require that Iran bring the entire stockpile to a central location for verification and ultimately to remove or downblend the material,’ that would place the onus on Tehran to access and ‘provide the full inventory’ of enriched uranium,” Roecker told CNN.

But, “in this scenario, I would worry that Iran would claim that some portion of the HEU was irretrievable,” Roecker said. “We wouldn’t have full confidence that Iran couldn’t retain access to it at some point in the future.”

Experts say this would mark the first time in history Iran has hidden something underground and then acted shocked when nobody trusted them.

Meanwhile, a U.S. official insisted the developing agreement “leads to” Washington obtaining Iran’s enriched uranium stockpile.

“We provide in the agreement that this material would be destroyed on site, and then taken out of the country,” the official said, in comments interpreted by Tehran as “quick, hide the glowing barrels.”

Iran continues to deny it seeks nuclear weapons despite enriching uranium to near weapons-grade levels while regularly chanting for the destruction of Israel, threatening America, and behaving exactly like every Bond villain nation ever written.

Last month, an Israeli military official warned that failing to recover the uranium would make the entire war “one big failure,” a statement immediately condemned by Western academics who clarified that the real failure would be hurting the feelings of Iran’s Supreme Leader.

The broader conflict has already rattled global markets after Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz and began harassing commercial shipping while charging tolls like a heavily armed E-ZPass lane run by jihadists.

In response, the U.S. blockaded Iranian oil exports, causing panic among European leaders who briefly considered switching from electric vehicles back to bicycles and emotional support candles.

The U.S. military also announced Saturday that American forces had “downed” several Iranian drones targeting commercial ships in the Strait of Hormuz.

“Iran launched multiple one-way attack drones in an attempt to strike commercial ships transiting the Strait of Hormuz,” U.S. Central Command posted on X.

CENTCOM further insisted that the strait “remains open for transit,” provided ships don’t mind dodging missiles, drones, mines, pirate states, and CNN fact-checkers, which is an oxymoron.

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Trump Blasts Iranian Media Reports, Tells Tehran To Get Its Act Together Or Else

President Trump listens in the Oval Office of the White House on June 11, 2026. (Jacquelyn Martin/AP)

President Donald Trump on Friday ripped Iranian media reports about a potential deal to end the war, adding that the regime in Tehran better “get their act together.”

“The terms that Iran leaked out to the Fake News have NOTHING to do with the terms that were agreed to, in writing. What they said, including their weak and pathetic statement on having a deal, bears no relation to the truth,” Trump wrote on Truth Social.

“Very dishonorable people to deal with. With them, there is no such thing as dealing in good faith. AMAZING! Also, their totally rebuffed Drone attack last night against Indian Ships leaving the Hormuz Strait is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. They better get their act together, and FAST!” he added.

In classic form, the ayatollahs’ state-run propaganda machine immediately began leaking terms that sounded suspiciously like they came from a regime that still thinks it’s 1979 and Jimmy Carter is in charge. Iranian state media earlier Friday shared purported details of the possible memorandum of understanding that could be signed with the U.S., according to Reuters.

It cited the IRNA news agency as saying that under the agreement, Iran would make no commitment regarding the transfer of the management of the Strait of Hormuz.

Instead, the future administration of the Strait reportedly would be decided through dialogue and joint decision-making between Iran and Oman, a country in close proximity to the area.

The IRNA news agency added that discussions about the future of Iran’s nuclear program would take place within a 60-day period after the agreement is signed, Reuters added.

Of course, because nothing says “peace deal” like letting the world’s leading sponsor of terrorism keep control of the most important oil chokepoint on Earth while they quietly restart their nuclear hobby in the background. 

Trump, never one to suffer fools or mullahs gladly, made it crystal clear that America isn’t falling for the same old sand-dune shenanigans. The mullahs can either shape up, or the deal is deader than their economy under decades of glorious revolutionary management.

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Trump Pauses Iran Strikes, Believes A Deal is Imminent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After spending the morning threatening to turn Iran’s military infrastructure into a parking lot, President Trump abruptly announced Thursday afternoon that peace was back on the menu and the whole thing was “all wrapped up,” proving once again that Middle East diplomacy now operates like a New York real estate negotiation conducted entirely through Truth Social posts.

“We have a deal,” Trump reportedly told aides moments after allegedly green-lighting, canceling, then re-green-lighting a plan to seize Iran’s Kharg Island before finally deciding he preferred making headlines instead.

“Based on the fact that discussions with the Islamic Republic of Iran have been brought to the highest level of Iranian leadership and approved, I have, as President of the United States of America, cancelled the scheduled strikes and bombings against Iran this evening,” Trump posted on Truth Social.

“Discussions and final points have been, in both concept and great detail, approved by all parties involved, including the United States, Israel, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Turkey, Pakistan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Jordan, Egypt, and others.”

Sources inside Washington confirmed several Pentagon officials were informed of the cancellation only after seeing the president’s post sandwiched between advertisements for gold coins and pillows.

The agreement reportedly includes reopening the Strait of Hormuz, renewed nuclear negotiations, and what experts are calling “the annual Middle East ceasefire that lasts somewhere between four hours and two weeks.”

“It’s pretty much all wrapped up,” Trump told The Post in a phone call that insiders say lasted roughly the same amount of time as one of his golf putts.

The sudden diplomatic breakthrough came just hours after Trump warned Iran he would strike them “VERY HARD TONIGHT” and floated plans to take over Kharg Island and “assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets.”

“At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets, much like we have with Venezuela,” Trump wrote earlier Thursday morning, causing cable news producers nationwide to begin hyperventilating into paper bags.

Trump later explained that conquering the island remained his preferred option.

“We ⁠are talking ⁠to them, and all, but you know, ⁠look, my preference has always been — take ⁠Kharg Island … my preference would be that,” he said on “Fox and Friends.”

“⁠I don’t know that America has the stomach for it.”

Political analysts immediately translated the statement to mean, “Trump still wants the win, but he also remembers Americans get cranky when their sons are deployed to defend democracy in places they can’t find on a map.”

Meanwhile, Iran appeared to respond to the agreement with the traditional diplomatic strategy of denying the agreement exists at all.

“An informed source told FNA Iran has not approved any draft agreement or initial memorandum with the US, contradicting President Donald Trump’s claim that Tehran agreed to a finalized text,” Iran’s Fars News Agency posted to X.

Observers noted this marks approximately the 38th time Trump has declared an Iran deal “close,” though supporters insist that unlike previous administrations, at least this time America bombed something before negotiating.

At press time, CNN was reportedly preparing a seven-part special explaining why peace in the Middle East is actually bad news for democracy.

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President Trump warns that the US is "very close" to making Iran's infrastructure a smoking crater

FRISCO, TX — President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that the United States is now “very close” to replacing Iran’s infrastructure with a large smoking crater after the regime allegedly spent months “tap, tap, tapping” its way through negotiations like a telemarketer trying to extend your car warranty. Is anyone really surprised?

“I may keep going,” Trump told Fox News correspondent Trey Yingst. “They had a chance to sign a deal and survive.”

According to administration officials, Iran reportedly believed it could stall talks indefinitely by recycling the same strategy it used on previous American presidents: smile politely, drag things out for years, collect pallets of cash, and wait for CNN and MS Now to explain why America is the real aggressor and Trump is a bad man.

Unfortunately for Tehran, they are no longer negotiating with the foreign policy genius who gave them the JCPOA and a free pass to chant “Death to America” between uranium enrichment sessions.

“We hit them hard yesterday, and we're going to hit them again hard today,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “And we'll see what happens with the deal. We were really close to a deal, but they keep tapping us along. They keep playing us for suckers because you know what? They dealt with some very stupid Presidents.”

I can't imagine who he is referring to.  

Trump later clarified that by “very stupid Presidents,” he was referring to any commander in chief who thought the Iranian regime could be bribed into becoming Sweden.

“It was just tap, tap, tap,” Trump said. “I don't know what they are doing.”

Sources close to the administration confirmed Iran’s negotiating strategy largely consisted of pretending to compromise while enriching uranium and funding every terrorist organization west of the moon.

Trump also blasted Barack Obama’s nuclear agreement with Iran, calling it “the worst deal.”

“We want a deal that is meaningful, a deal that works. We don't want a Barack Hussein Obama deal, JCPOA, the worst deal,” Trump said, making sure we remember Obama's Islamic-sounding name. “That was a path to a nuclear weapon.”

Political analysts say Democrats were deeply troubled by Trump’s comments because they prefer their hostile Islamist regimes “stable, respected, and flush with American cash.”

Trump warned that a nuclear Iran would spell disaster for the region.

“If they had a nuclear weapon, there would be no Israel, there would be no Middle East, and they would have absolutely shot at us,” Trump continued.

Meanwhile, Trump casually revealed that the U.S. military has apparently been vaporizing Iran’s oil operations while most corporate media outlets remained busy fact-checking whether Trump used an improper verb tense during a rally speech.

“Did you know we've been taking out millions of barrels of oil?” Trump asked. “Nobody knows it. You know who doesn't know about it? Iran. Until right now. We took out, the other night, 22 ships.”

Pentagon officials later confirmed the administration had also launched a secret mission protecting ships through the Strait of Hormuz, resulting in over 100 million barrels of oil reaching global markets safely.

“This wildly successful effort is because the UNITED STATES of AMERICA CONTROLS the Strait of Hormuz — NOT Iran,” Trump wrote on Truth Social. “Their military is defeated, and their economy is lost. It’s over for Iran!”

The Communist News Network [CNN] reportedly responded to the post by immediately assembling a panel of former Obama officials to explain why controlling a strategic global oil route is actually problematic for democracy.

The conflict escalated after CENTCOM launched “self-defense” strikes against Iranian military targets following the downing of a U.S. Apache helicopter near the Strait of Hormuz.

Trump described the rescue of the helicopter pilots as “a miracle,” explaining that an Iranian drone became lodged in the aircraft during the attack.

“It was on fire, it was hot,” Trump said, sounding almost as if he was feeling the heat.

Military experts confirmed this still remains significantly less uncomfortable than sitting through a State Department briefing under the Biden administration.

Iranian officials responded to Trump’s comments by vowing they would “respond to threats accordingly,” which analysts translated loosely as “angrily issuing statements before another military facility explodes mysteriously overnight.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth also warned Iran against escalating the conflict further.

“President Trump is seeking a deal,” Hegseth said. “But not just a deal, a great deal on behalf of the American people so that Iran never gets a nuclear weapon.”

At press time, European leaders were reportedly urging “restraint” while quietly hoping the United States continues doing all the work.

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Breaking: CENTCOM launches self-defense strikes against Iran

U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) forces launched self-defense strikes against the Islamic state at 5:00 p.m. ET today at the direction of our Commander in Chief, President Donald Trump. This comes in response to a downing of a U.S. Apache helicopter yesterday.

The mission is stupidly proportional to this unjustified aggression. I say stupidly because when someone hits you in the nose, you don't just hit him in the nose in retaliation--you beat the crap out of him. 

There were two servicemen in that helicopter that were rescued at sea and are doing fine.

CENTCOM described the strikes as defensive and would be proportional, as I stated.

There have been several explosions in the port city of Sirik and nearby areas of Hormozgan Province like Kuhestak and Minab, as Iranina media noted blasts in the area.

Sirik is a small, strategically located port town on Iran's southern coast in the Strait of Hormuz region.

Some reports also reference military activity near Bandar Abbas, a major Iranian naval port.

There are reports of many KC-135s flying over the Middle East as I write this, indicating a likely scenario where fighter aircraft are ready to go.

More details to follow.

What ceasefire?

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US hits Iran radar sites after Iranian drones fired at Bahrain and Kuwait

 
The Middle East, once again, teeters on the edge of a wider conflagration, and once again the world is forced to confront the grim arithmetic of escalation. 

Overnight, U.S. Central Command intercepted six Iranian ballistic missiles fired toward Kuwait and Bahrain after American forces carried out retaliatory strikes on Iranian radar installations in Goruk and on Qeshm Island. According to CENTCOM, six of the seven missiles were intercepted, while the seventh failed to reach its target. 

Before that exchange, American forces had already downed four Iranian one-way attack drones headed toward the Strait of Hormuz, that narrow maritime chokepoint through which so much of the world’s energy supply precariously flows.

The significance of these events should not be understated. The Strait of Hormuz is one of the vital arteries of the global economy. Any attempt by Tehran to menace shipping lanes there is designed as a message to the world that Iran retains the ability to inject instability into international commerce whenever it chooses.

Fox News correspondent Trey Yingst reported from Dubai that Iran launched the missile barrage toward the Gulf allies after CENTCOM’s retaliatory operations against the radar sites. “Officials in Kuwait are describing those recent overnight strikes here in the Gulf as a serious escalation,” Paul said on “Fox Report.” And indeed they are. The phrase “serious escalation” has become so overused in modern diplomacy that it risks sounding almost procedural, but what we are witnessing is the steady collapse of deterrence into direct confrontation.

Former CIA station chief Dan Hoffman offered perhaps the clearest reading of Tehran’s strategy. Iran, he said, appears intent on trying to “drive up the costs of the war” for the United States by threatening trade through Hormuz, escalating Hezbollah attacks against Israel, and targeting America’s Gulf allies. “Iran feels like that gives them added leverage,” Hoffman noted, particularly as domestic political pressure builds ahead of the U.S. midterm elections.

That observation cuts to the heart of the matter. The Iranian regime has long understood that its conventional military power cannot rival that of the United States. Its strength instead lies in asymmetry, in creating sufficient instability, uncertainty, and attrition that Western governments begin asking whether the cost of resistance exceeds the cost of accommodation. It is a strategy built not on victory in the traditional sense, but on exhaustion.

Meanwhile, the regional situation continues to deteriorate on multiple fronts. Israel launched airstrikes in southern Lebanon that reportedly killed nine people, including members of the Lebanese army, only days after a U.S.-brokered ceasefire with Lebanon had raised hopes, however faint, that tensions might temporarily subside. In the modern Middle East, ceasefires increasingly resemble intermissions rather than conclusions.

President Donald Trump, speaking on the state of Iran’s military capabilities, claimed the regime now possesses only “21%-22%” of the missile arsenal it held prior to the U.S. strikes in February. Whether or not that estimate proves entirely accurate, it reveals the administration’s underlying calculation, namely that sustained military pressure can substantially degrade Tehran’s offensive capacity. Yet history offers repeated warnings about assuming that diminished capability necessarily translates into diminished resolve.

For decades the Iranian regime has demonstrated a remarkable willingness to absorb punishment while continuing to pursue strategic objectives through proxies, missile campaigns, and regional destabilization. The danger now is not simply of one retaliatory strike leading to another. The danger is that every actor involved increasingly believes escalation itself may serve its interests better than restraint.

And that is the truly sobering reality. The Middle East is no longer witnessing isolated incidents, but the gradual knitting together of multiple conflicts into a single expanding crisis, one in which the margin for miscalculation grows thinner by the day.

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BREAKING: Iran Suspends Negotiations with U.S. says Iranian Media

Iran's latest decision to suspend indirect negotiations with the United States marks yet another reminder of a central truth about the Islamic Republic. It has never viewed diplomacy as a process of compromise. Rather, it treats negotiations as an extension of conflict by other means, a venue in which leverage is accumulated, demands are expanded, and concessions are expected from others rather than offered by itself.

On Monday, Iran announced that it was halting all exchanges with Washington conducted through mediators. The move, reported by the IRGC-affiliated Tasnim News Agency, was justified on the grounds of what Tehran described as Israel's "continuing crimes" in Lebanon.

"Considering that Lebanon was one of the preconditions for the ceasefire and that this ceasefire has now been violated on all fronts, including Lebanon, the Iranian negotiating team is suspending dialogues and exchange of texts through mediators," Tasnim reported.

In a separate statement, the agency raised the stakes considerably.

"Furthermore, Iran and the Axis of Resistance have resolved to pursue the complete closure of the Strait of Hormuz and activate other fronts, including the Bab al-Mandab Strait, as part of efforts to punish Israel and its supporters," Tasnim said in a separate post on X.

Tehran has also demanded the full withdrawal of Israeli forces from Lebanon, adding yet another condition to an already fragile diplomatic process.

Whether this suspension represents a temporary pause or a more comprehensive breakdown in communications remains unclear. Yet the broader significance is unmistakable. Iran is not narrowing the field of dispute. It is widening it.

The Islamic Republic has once again escalated its demands while simultaneously portraying itself as the aggrieved party. What began as negotiations concerning the ceasefire and the future of the conflict has now expanded into an attempt to hold Washington directly accountable for every Israeli military action in Lebanon. Tehran's position is that American influence over Israel must be exercised according to Iranian expectations before meaningful talks can resume.

Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi made that point explicitly on Monday.

"Its violation on one front is a violation of the ceasefire on all fronts. The US and Israel are responsible for the consequences of any violation," Araghchi wrote on X.

Likewise, Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf, the parliament speaker and lead negotiator, accused the United States of violating the ceasefire through its continued blockade of Iranian ports and by failing to restrain Israeli operations in Lebanon.

Behind these statements lies the enduring reality of Iran's regional strategy. The so-called Axis of Resistance is not a spontaneous coalition of like-minded movements. It is a network painstakingly constructed over decades by the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps and its Quds Force. From Hezbollah in Lebanon to Hamas in Gaza, from the Houthis in Yemen to Shia militias in Iraq, these organizations serve as instruments of Iranian influence and power projection throughout the region.

The current conflict traces its origins to the US-Israeli strikes on Iran in February, strikes that reportedly resulted in the death of Ali Khamenei. Hezbollah's subsequent missile attacks against Israel transformed an already dangerous confrontation into a wider regional conflict.

A ceasefire between the United States and Iran took effect on April 8, with Pakistan acting as the principal mediator. A separate ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon followed on April 16. Yet Iran has consistently argued that these agreements are inseparable, insisting that Israeli military actions in Lebanon constitute violations of the broader Iran-US truce.

What effect this latest development will have on negotiations remains uncertain.

The talks have covered issues of enormous strategic consequence, including the future of the Strait of Hormuz, Iran's enriched uranium stockpiles, sanctions relief, and the framework for a permanent settlement. Both sides had reportedly been working toward a 60-day memorandum that would extend the ceasefire and create space for further nuclear discussions.

According to reports, draft provisions included the reopening of Hormuz to unrestricted shipping, the removal of Iranian naval mines within thirty days, proportional easing of the American blockade, and sanctions waivers permitting Iran to resume oil sales.

The agreement was said to be awaiting final approval from both US President Donald Trump and Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei.

Trump projected confidence early Monday.

"Iran really wants to make a deal, and it will be a good one for the USA and those that are with us," he wrote. "Just sit back and relax, it will all work out well in the end, it always does."

Yet optimism has repeatedly collided with reality. Only last week Trump warned that Iran needed to finalize an agreement or "we'll have to finish the job," after the White House rejected reports of a draft accord as a "complete fabrication." The president has previously estimated the ceasefire's chances of survival at only one percent.

That skepticism appears increasingly justified.

The truce has been tested repeatedly through military incidents and competing narratives. The United States and Iran continue to offer conflicting accounts of engagements in the Persian Gulf, including strikes near Bandar Abbas, disputes involving drones and tankers, and claims surrounding an Iranian retaliatory attack on a US airbase.

The broader lesson is difficult to ignore. Every ceasefire in the Middle East creates a brief window in which diplomacy might succeed. Yet such agreements endure only when all parties accept that compromise is preferable to escalation. Iran's latest actions suggest that, at least for now, Tehran believes pressure and confrontation remain more useful tools than peace.

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U.S., Iran Keep Trading Punches While Negotiators Pretend a Peace Deal Is Right Around the Corner

One of the more exhausting traditions in modern geopolitics is watching hostile nations lob missiles at each other while diplomats simultaneously assure everyone that a breakthrough is just days away. This weekend, the United States and Iran kept that tradition alive and well.

The latest round of Middle East fireworks saw American forces strike Iranian air-defense radar installations and drone facilities, while Iran answered by launching missiles and drones toward Kuwait. Apparently, "de-escalation" means something very different in that part of the world.

The fighting comes as negotiators continue trying to hammer out a deal that would supposedly bring an end to the conflict. President Trump had indicated before the weekend that an agreement was within reach. Unfortunately, the people actually negotiating the deal keep pointing out that minor details, such as Iran's nuclear commitments and the timing of sanctions relief, remain unresolved. In diplomatic circles, those are what experts refer to as "the important parts."

According to U.S. Central Command, American warplanes struck Iranian radar sites and drone command-and-control facilities on Qeshm Island and in Gorik, both located in Hormozgan province. The military said the operation followed Iran's shoot-down of an American MQ-1 drone.

American forces also intercepted and destroyed two Iranian attack drones that were deemed threats to commercial shipping. Given Iran's long-standing interest in making life miserable for anyone trying to navigate the Strait of Hormuz, that assessment wasn't exactly difficult to make.

Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps quickly announced that it had responded to the American attacks. The Guard Corps, which serves as both the regime's military enforcer and its favorite tool for projecting power throughout the region, portrayed its actions as defensive.

Kuwait, meanwhile, found itself once again caught in the middle. The country reported missile and drone attacks Monday as warning alarms echoed across the nation. U.S. Central Command said American defenses intercepted two Iranian ballistic missiles aimed at U.S. forces stationed there.

Iran's Foreign Ministry spokesman insisted the attacks were a defensive response to American operations. That's a familiar talking point from regimes that routinely define "defense" as launching missiles at their neighbors.

The latest exchange is particularly concerning for Kuwait, which suffered heavily during the broader conflict and has continued to absorb attacks even after the ceasefire that technically took effect in early April. The ceasefire has held about as effectively as most ceasefires involving Iran.

The Revolutionary Guard also claimed responsibility for shooting down an MQ-1 drone Sunday after it allegedly entered Iranian territorial waters. Whether that incident was a provocation, a misunderstanding, or simply another excuse for escalation depends entirely on which government spokesman is talking.

Behind the scenes, negotiators are reportedly discussing a memorandum of understanding that would reopen access through the Strait of Hormuz, extend the ceasefire, and create a renewable 60-day window to address Iran's nuclear program and sanctions relief. In theory, it would provide both sides with enough breathing room to end the conflict.

Not everyone is convinced.

American foreign-policy hawks and Israeli officials remain deeply skeptical of any agreement that eases pressure on Tehran without forcing significant concessions. Their concern is straightforward: Iran appears weaker than it has been in years, and they fear a rushed agreement could hand the regime economic relief while leaving its nuclear ambitions largely intact.

Trump weighed in Monday on social media, saying Iran wants to reach an agreement but complaining that criticism of the deal inside the United States is making that harder to accomplish.

That may be true. Then again, when missiles are still flying and drones are still falling out of the sky, it's understandable that some people might want to see the fine print before celebrating the arrival of peace.

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US Strikes Iranian Boats, Missile Launch Sites In 'Self Defense,' Says CENTCOM

TEHRAN — In what military officials are calling a masterclass in "measured restraint," the United States launched pinpoint strikes on Iranian boats and missile sites Tuesday, proving once again that nothing says "ongoing ceasefire" quite like explosions, shock and awe, and sinking vessels.

"US Central Command continues to defend our forces while using restraint during the ongoing ceasefire," CENTCOM spokesperson Navy Captain Tim Hawkins said regarding the strikes.The US military carried out self-defense strikes in southern Iran against targets including boats attempting to lay mines and missile launch sites, Fox News reported on Tuesday.

“US forces conducted self-defense strikes in southern Iran today to protect our troops from threats posed by Iranian forces,” US Central Command (CENTCOM) spokesperson Capt. Tim Hawkins said.

“US Central Command continues to defend our forces while using restraint during the ongoing ceasefire,” he added.

According to reports, two Iranian boats were spotted laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz, an act of aggression so shocking it only took the U.S. military a few hours to respond with overwhelming firepower. Forces also responded after a missile site had targeted US warplanes, said the official.

He also confirmed that the US struck a surface-to-air missile (SAM) site in Bandar Abbas, following reports of explosions in the city by Iranian media. Other explosions were reported close to Sirik and Jask, located near the strait, in what Iranian state media described as "totally normal Tuesday activities."

The official told Fox News that the strikes were "defensive," while two additional sources said that the strikes do not indicate that the ceasefire with Iran is over. Because nothing screams "ceasefire" like U.S. jets turning missile sites into parking lots.

Explosions were heard on Monday in various regions across the Strait of Hormuz, according to Fox. The official said that the US strikes were "over for now," which is Pentagon-speak for "until the next time they look at us funny."

At press time, Iran was reportedly considering a strongly-worded statement, while the U.S. Navy practiced its trademark "restraint" by not turning the entire region into a smoking crater.

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Iran Signals ‘Mass Sacrifice’ By Dusting Off Saddam-Era Participation Trophy While Trump Deal Is Already “Largely Negotiated”

TEHRAN—In a bold diplomatic masterstroke, Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian reminded the world that his country is totally ready to throw another generation of young men into the meat grinder, just like the good old days, all while Trump’s team casually confirms the deal is basically done.

The remarks came as President Donald Trump said a deal with Tehran is "largely negotiated" but warned the U.S. could walk away entirely if the mullahs keep cosplaying 1982.

Pezeshkian invoked one of Iran’s strongest wartime symbols on May 24, signaling Tehran’s ironclad resolve to maybe, possibly, kind of fight the U.S. and Israel if they absolutely have to, according to a counterterrorism expert who sounded very impressed.

While Iran signaled broad agreement with Washington on some points, it emphasized that a final deal is not imminent because nothing says “serious negotiation partner” like publicly hyping up mass human sacrifice right before signing the paperwork.

In an X post marking the anniversary of the 1982 recapture of Khorramshahr from Iraqi forces during the Iran-Iraq War, Pezeshkian said, "Khorramshahr today is Iran, the Persian Gulf, and the Strait of Hormuz," adding that "resistance, self-sacrifice, and repelling aggression are rooted in the culture of this land."

Analysts claimed Pezeshkian was deliberately invoking one of the deepest ideological touchstones of the Islamic Republic, you know, that time they spent eight years and a million lives to win back one city from Saddam.

"This is the Iran-Iraq War reference, and the timing is the point," said Dr. Omar Mohammed, director of the Antisemitism Research Initiative Program on Extremism at George Washington University.

"This is one of the Islamic Republic’s foundational mythological moments, civilian resistance, mass sacrifice, repelling an ‘aggressor army.’ Roughly what the Great Patriotic War is to Russia. The rhetorical move is the extension," Mohammed told Fox News Digital.

"He’s mapping the 1980-82 defensive-war frame onto the current confrontation: Iran attacked by an aggressor, ordinary citizens (‘battle-untested but brave’) expected to stand and fight, with ‘resistance, sacrifice, repelling aggression’ cast as the cultural default mode."

Some of the phrasing, Mohammed said, also evokes volunteer and Basij fighters versus a professional invading army — or as the rest of the world calls it, “the Iranian business model.”

"Invoking the strait inside a wartime-mobilization frame, even rhetorically, is a deliberate signal, not throat-clearing," he added.

"The Khorramshahr frame is the deepest register the regime has. It’s what they reach for to signal existential war, not a managed crisis."

Mohammed explained that Pezeshkian’s X post is framing the current confrontation from the presidential account to send a "high-stakes message."

"It’s also a tell on internal posture: Khorramshahr, in short, means ‘we are being invaded and we will not negotiate,’" he added, “unless the deal is really, really good and Trump throws in some sanctions relief and maybe a new soccer stadium.”Sources say the tough talk is playing beautifully on Iranian state TV, where viewers are encouraged to cheer loudly while quietly hoping their kids don’t get volunteered for the next glorious mass sacrifice.


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Trump admin may be willing to make 'significant accommodations' on sanctions relief for the terrorists

WASHINGTON—In a stunning display of 21st-century diplomacy that somehow hasn't collapsed into a mushroom cloud yet, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced Sunday that the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz now depends on "full Iranian acceptance and then compliance" with negotiated terms. Of course, trusting the ayatollahs to keep their word is like the scorpion carrying the frog across the stream, for you fable fans.

Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif, evidently moonlighting as a Trump hype man, commended President Donald Trump for leading "extraordinary efforts to pursue peace" after a high-level multilateral phone conference that rounded up the usual suspects from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Egypt, Jordan, and the United Arab Emirates. Sources confirm the call went swimmingly, with zero participants threatening to turn anyone into a parking lot.

Secretary of State Marco Rubio reiterated on Saturday that the main U.S. objective remains preventing Tehran from ever obtaining a nuclear weapon, ambitious stuff, considering Iran views "nuclear weapon" the same way a kid views a participation trophy, as in 'everyone should get one.'

President Trump, never one to undersell a deal, declared that the Iran agreement to end the war and reopen the Strait of Hormuz has been "largely negotiated," which in diplomatic terms means "we're basically there except for the part where they keep lying."

The U.S. may be willing to make "significant accommodations" for Iran on sanctions relief if the nation's leaders are willing to make similar accommodations to the U.S. on enriched uranium, a senior administration official told Fox News on Sunday, in what historians are already calling "the most polite game of nuclear chicken ever played."

The official downplayed reports that the deal could be signed on Sunday, saying Tehran's system "does not move fast enough."

"Our plan is to deal with all of their stockpile of the enriched material," the official said. "We see the Iranians making some serious accommodations on these questions that we didn't see before." And if you believe the Islamic Regime at their word, I have a bridge to sell you.

"If the Iranians make significant accommodations on the enrichment question then we will make significant accommodations on sanctions relief," the official continued.

"Even in the IRGC's own propaganda, they did not talk about tolling the Strait of Hormuz. Our position is quite clear. We don't think that a toll is an acceptable outcome," the official added. 

At the time of this writing, Iran was reportedly nodding along while secretly spinning more centrifuges, and Washington was pretending this time would be different.

And snakes have hips.

If the Islamic Regime of Iran is allowed to remain in power, nothing will have been accomplished and this will be a waste of blood and treasure.

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Trump's Iran deal 'largely negotiated' while GOP hawks start losing their minds

As Washington celebrated the latest draft of a Middle East peace deal, sources confirmed Thursday that President Donald Trump had nearly completed negotiations between the United States, Iran, Israel, several Gulf states, and apparently every other person on Earth except the people who would eventually have to follow the agreement.

Trump announced on Truth Social that an agreement with Iran had been “largely negotiated,” prompting immediate concern among foreign policy experts, Senate hawks, and several thousand Washington think tank employees whose job descriptions depend on perpetual regional instability.

“I am in the Oval Office at the White House where we just had a very good call,” Trump wrote, explaining that leaders across the Middle East had discussed “all things related to a Memorandum of Understanding pertaining to PEACE,” a phrase reportedly causing three defense contractors to faint simultaneously.

The president added, “An Agreement has been largely negotiated, subject to finalization between the United States of America, the Islamic Republic of Iran, and the various other Countries, as listed.”

Sources confirmed that nobody was entirely sure what “the various other Countries, as listed” meant, but negotiators nodded enthusiastically anyway.

The proposed agreement would reportedly reopen the Strait of Hormuz, a vital oil shipping route that Iran has largely disrupted throughout the conflict. Analysts estimate this could allow millions of barrels of oil to move freely again, while depriving cable news panels of at least six months of apocalyptic predictions.

Meanwhile, Israeli officials reportedly gathered for emergency meetings after learning that Trump had once again attempted to solve a decades-old geopolitical crisis by making phone calls and declaring victory before dessert.

Still, President Trump insisted everything was proceeding smoothly, and let's face it, most of the time he's correct.

“Separately, I had a call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu, of Israel, which, likewise, went very well,” he wrote. “Final aspects and details of the Deal are currently being discussed, and will be announced shortly. In addition to many other elements of the Agreement, the Strait of Hormuz will be opened.”

According to White House insiders, Trump spent several minutes reminding attendees that he literally wrote The Art of the Deal, while Middle Eastern diplomats quietly wondered whether that qualified as binding international law.

Not everyone was celebrating.

Republican senators immediately emerged from their underground network of strategic briefing rooms to warn that peace itself could pose a grave threat to regional stability.

Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina expressed alarm that any arrangement allowing Iran’s government to continue existing might create a “nightmare for Israel.”

“If a deal is struck to end the Iranian conflict because it is believed that the Strait of Hormuz cannot be protected from Iranian terrorism and Iran still possesses the capability to destroy major Gulf oil infrastructure, then Iran will be perceived as being a dominate [sic] force requiring a diplomatic solution,” Graham posted on X.

The war hawk added, “This combination of Iran being perceived as having the ability to terrorize the Strait in perpetuity and the ability [to] inflict massive damage to Gulf oil infrastructure is a major shift of the balance of power in the region and over time will be a nightmare for Israel.”

Experts translated Graham’s statement as: “Have we considered bombing something first and negotiating later?”

Sen. Roger Wicker of Mississippi was equally skeptical.

“The rumored 60-day ceasefire, with the belief that Iran will ever engage in good faith, would be a disaster. Everything accomplished by Operation Epic Fury would be for naught!” he posted.

Pentagon officials reportedly spent the afternoon explaining to Americans that “Operation Epic Fury” was, in fact, the actual name of a military campaign and not a rejected Xbox game title.

At press time, Washington hawks were warning that a negotiated settlement could dangerously undermine decades of bipartisan consensus that every Middle Eastern conflict is exactly three airstrikes away from permanent peace.

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Iran Claims Virtually Entire Strait Of Hormuz Is Now Under Its Control In Newly-Released Map

TEHRAN—In a bold strategic masterstroke that military analysts are calling “both hilarious and completely insane,” Iran’s newly created Persian Gulf Strait Authority released a map Wednesday claiming control over a massive “maritime supervision zone” in the international waterway Strait of Hormuz, an area so humongous that ships would reportedly be unable to pass through the critical waterway without entering territory now claimed by Tehran.

According to the statement issued by the authority on X, the regime defined the boundaries of its claimed control zone using geographic lines stretching from the Iranian coast to parts of the United Arab Emirates, because nothing says “regional superpower” like drawing on a map with a crayon and declaring victory. It's like a wet caliphate.

“The Islamic Republic of Iran has defined the boundaries of the Strait of Hormuz management supervision area,” the statement said, outlining a maritime corridor extending from Kuh Mobarak in Iran to southern Fujairah in the UAE and westward toward Umm al-Qaiwain.

Iran also declared that vessels transiting the Strait of Hormuz must now coordinate with the Persian Gulf Waterway Management authority and obtain permits before passage, or face the terrifying consequences of strongly worded letters and possibly a very angry tweet from the Supreme Leader.

“Passing through the Strait of Hormuz require[s] coordination with the Persian Gulf Waterway Management and a permit from this entity,” the statement said.

At press time, the U.S. Navy was reportedly updating its “How To Sail Through Iranian Fantasy Maps” training manual while quietly loading extra ammunition, just in case the mullahs decide their imaginary lines need defending with real boats.

Bring it.

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Trump gives thumbs down on "totally unacceptable" offer from Iranian regime

President Donald Trump responded with characteristic force on Sunday after receiving what he described as a “totally unacceptable” offer from Iranian regime leaders, at least those still left alive.

Taking to Truth Social late that afternoon, Trump revealed that he had read the Iranian regime’s reply to his latest proposal aimed at ending the conflict and securing a deal, and he made no secret of his displeasure.

“I have just read the response from Iran’s so-called ‘Representatives.’ I don’t like it — TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!” Trump posted.

In an earlier message that same afternoon, he had cautioned the Iranian regime against continuing to play games with the United States. Time and again he has urged Iran’s leadership to accept a deal, while warning that failure to do so on his timetable could mean the end of the regime itself, as in 'death to the so called fidels.'

On Friday, Trump had spoken of awaiting an important letter from Tehran, one that would shape America’s next steps. At the time he appeared confident that the Iranians were eager to reach an agreement.

“We’re getting a letter [from Iran] supposedly tonight, so we’ll see how that goes,” he told reporters. He added that he was unsure whether Tehran’s leadership was deliberately prolonging the talks, a tactic the Trump administration had noted in previous rounds of negotiation. “I don’t know. We’ll find out soon enough.”

It seems that the Iranian regime hasn't yet heard about email.

The administration has left no ambiguity about the terms it will accept. Any deal, it has stated plainly, must see Iran abandon all efforts to enrich uranium and develop nuclear weapons, while fully reopening the Strait of Hormuz.

This latest exchange comes amid repeated skirmishes, most of them sparked by Iranian attacks. When reporters pressed Secretary of State Marco Rubio on the persistence of violence despite the supposed ceasefire, he offered a blunt reply. Only a stupid country, Rubio said, would fail to fire back when fired upon, "and America isn't a stupid country," [unless you're only talking about the Democrats, he did not add].

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Iran claims they hit 3 U.S .warships, Trump says U.S. warships crushed the Iranian attack in the Strait of Hormuz

Iranian state-linked fake media reported Thursday that Iranian forces exchanged fire with “the enemy” [aka Big Satan] near Qeshm Island, a strategically critical island in the Strait of Hormuz that sits as a checkpoint at the mouth of the strait and plays a major role in Iran's ability to disrupt global shipping, as explosions and damage were reported in the area. 

According to Iran’s regime-run Fars News Agency, parts of the commercial zone at Bahman Port on Qeshm Island were struck during the exchange of fire between Iranian armed forces and what the outlet described only as “the enemy.”

Other Iranian fake media outlets claimed the explosions may have been caused by hostile action originating from the United Arab Emirates, according to the IRGC-affiliated Tasnim News Agency. 

Despite a ceasefire remaining in place on paper, Iran launched multiple missile and drone attacks against the United Arab Emirates this week, targeting commercial shipping, oil infrastructure, and Emirati territory.

Meanwhile, in real life, President Trump said three U.S. Navy destroyers successfully transited out of the Strait of Hormuz while under attack from Iranian powderpuff forces, claiming American ships suffered no damage while Iranian attackers were “completely destroyed.”

“Three World Class American Destroyers just transited, very successfully, out of the Strait of Hormuz, under fire,” Trump wrote.

According to Trump, Iranian forces launched missiles, drones, and small boat attacks against the destroyers, but U.S. forces intercepted the incoming threats and destroyed the attacking vessels like they were insignificant annoyances at a picnic.

“Missiles were shot at our Destroyers, and were easily knocked down. Likewise, drones came, and were incinerated while in the air,” the most effective and tremendous U.S. president said. He added that many Iranian boats were sent to the bottom of the sea, and described them as replacements for Iran's "fully decapitated Navy."

"These boats went to the bottom of the Sea, quickly and efficiently," he wrote.

The president also warned Iran against further escalation, saying the regime would face significantly stronger military action if it does not agree to a deal with the United States.

"They’ll never have that opportunity and, just like we knocked them out again today, we’ll knock them out a lot harder, and a lot more violently, in the future, if they don’t get their Deal signed, FAST!" Trump said.

Trump added that the destroyers would now return to enforcing the U.S. naval blockade, which he described as a "Wall of Steel."

“A normal Country would have allowed these Destroyers to pass, but Iran is not a normal Country,” Trump said. “They are led by LUNATICS.”

Trump further warned that Iran cannot be allowed to obtain a nuclear weapon, arguing the regime would use one if given the opportunity, and anyone with a functioning cortex knows this is true.

Thank you for following Brain Flushings. Please take time to simply check out the sponsors on this page--it's one way to support my work. Of course, you can Buy Me A Coffee if you want to support me directly. Finally, don't be afraid to subscribe if you enjoy the blog--it's free, and worth the cost.

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