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WASHINGTON, D.C. — After spending weeks reminding Iran that the U.S. Navy is considerably larger than a collection of speedboats with delusions of grandeur, President Donald Trump has apparently decided it's time for the rest of the world to start chipping in [see NATO].
Why should American taxpayers foot the bill for keeping one of the planet's most important shipping lanes open while everyone else sails through like it's Costco handing out free samples?
On Monday, Trump announced that the United States will begin charging a 20% fee for cargo passing safely through the Strait of Hormuz while officially resuming America's blockade of Iran. The message was simple: if Uncle Sam is providing the security, Uncle Sam expects to see the receipt.
Trump explained the new arrangement on Truth Social, the baby brother of X.
"The Hormuz Strait is OPEN, and will remain OPEN, with or without Iran. We are reinstating the THE IRANIAN BLOCKADE, so named because it is only stopping Iran’s ships or customers from entering or leaving. All other countries will have fair and open use of the Strait."
That distinction is important. According to Trump, the blockade isn't aimed at the rest of the world's commerce. It's aimed squarely at the regime that keeps trying to turn international waterways into its own personal hostage situation.
He then unveiled what might be history's first "Freedom Isn't Free" surcharge for global shipping.
"The U.S.A. will be, from this point forward, known as 'THE GUARDIAN OF THE HORMUZ STRAIT,' [aka GOTHS] but as such, and as a matter of FAIRNESS, will be reimbursed, at the rate of 20% on all cargo shipped, for any and all costs necessary to do the job of providing safety and security to this very volatile section of the World. The process and formation will begin immediately."
Some foreign governments reportedly reacted with horror after learning that military protection, unlike climate conferences, does not come with unlimited complimentary snacks.
Meanwhile, economists spent the day debating the long-term implications of a global toll booth, while American taxpayers reportedly asked the obvious question: "Wait, we're actually making other countries pay for something instead of us?"
Iran condemned the announcement as illegal, provocative, and deeply unfair, which is roughly the diplomatic equivalent of a shoplifter complaining about anti-theft cameras.
At press time, sources said the first cargo ship entering the Strait had been greeted by a U.S. sailor holding what looked suspiciously like an EZ-Pass scanner and asking, "Cash, card, or freedom?"
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Why should American taxpayers foot the bill for keeping one of the planet's most important shipping lanes open while everyone else sails through like it's Costco handing out free samples?
On Monday, Trump announced that the United States will begin charging a 20% fee for cargo passing safely through the Strait of Hormuz while officially resuming America's blockade of Iran. The message was simple: if Uncle Sam is providing the security, Uncle Sam expects to see the receipt.
Trump explained the new arrangement on Truth Social, the baby brother of X.
"The Hormuz Strait is OPEN, and will remain OPEN, with or without Iran. We are reinstating the THE IRANIAN BLOCKADE, so named because it is only stopping Iran’s ships or customers from entering or leaving. All other countries will have fair and open use of the Strait."
That distinction is important. According to Trump, the blockade isn't aimed at the rest of the world's commerce. It's aimed squarely at the regime that keeps trying to turn international waterways into its own personal hostage situation.
He then unveiled what might be history's first "Freedom Isn't Free" surcharge for global shipping.
"The U.S.A. will be, from this point forward, known as 'THE GUARDIAN OF THE HORMUZ STRAIT,' [aka GOTHS] but as such, and as a matter of FAIRNESS, will be reimbursed, at the rate of 20% on all cargo shipped, for any and all costs necessary to do the job of providing safety and security to this very volatile section of the World. The process and formation will begin immediately."
Some foreign governments reportedly reacted with horror after learning that military protection, unlike climate conferences, does not come with unlimited complimentary snacks.
Meanwhile, economists spent the day debating the long-term implications of a global toll booth, while American taxpayers reportedly asked the obvious question: "Wait, we're actually making other countries pay for something instead of us?"
Iran condemned the announcement as illegal, provocative, and deeply unfair, which is roughly the diplomatic equivalent of a shoplifter complaining about anti-theft cameras.
At press time, sources said the first cargo ship entering the Strait had been greeted by a U.S. sailor holding what looked suspiciously like an EZ-Pass scanner and asking, "Cash, card, or freedom?"
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