Zen and the ART of Balderdash

More Zen wisdom on Kamala Hahaharris.

A Zen Moment in the Jasmine of her mind

Where are you now, Willie, my Willie? Your warm, loose epidermis brought heat to my heart and elsewhere. Where have you gone? I have dreams that you can bring to life: to be on top; to be the one; to be the first female President of the United States of America!

Orange

Orange is a word with no sibling in rhyme. It is the color often associated with autumn in the west, Halloween and even Thanksgiving.

In India, orange is considered sacred and prominent for the Hindus, representing fire as it burns away impurities.

In Japan, orange signifies love, happiness and courage.

Orange combines the energy of red and the joy of yellow. Joy, let that sink in, Grasshopper.

The color orange promotes general wellness and emotional energy—it can be associated with creativity. It is also associated with adventure and risk-taking, perhaps due to its vivid color and association with caution.

Buddhist monks wear orange or saffron robes, symbolizing simplicity and detachment from materialism. In Christianity, orange is often used during Lent or Advent in some traditions.

Orange Man = Good

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My Viralosophy on the Chinese Communist Wuhan Wet Market Coronavirus

"Mankind and the cosmos are intimately connected--we are one and the same on a mutual journey through space and time . . . so wash your damn hands." Rob Hoey

The Chinese Communist Wuhan Wet Market Coronavirus has become a global pandemic and even a global damn panic, and all of us have been victim of it in one way or another, some having paid the ultimate price. I mean no disrespect for anyone or any family who has suffered.

That being said, I didn't sleep well last night and a few thoughts running through my sleepy head went viral and I wrote them down before losing them to the smoky haze of awakening.

If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody there t hear it, is it safe to go to the forest?

At the Wuhan wet market: Lin Lee batted her eyes at me while a bat batted its wings at Lee.

What is the sound of one hand washing?

Studies show—Little people have a significantly higher risk than the general population of contracting coronavirus from flatulence in elevators.

Studies show that politicians who have contracted coronavirus from their spouses have transmitted the disease to their paramours the following day.

The Art of War With the Chinese Communist Wuhan Coronavirus, by Sun Tan: If the virus is taking its ease, give it no rest.

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Texas twerp jailed for licking ice cream in Walmart and putting it back on shelf

"Stupid is as stupid does" --Mrs. Gump

A somewhat low-functioning man, D'Adrien Anderson, 24, posted a photo of himself on Facebook licking an open container of ice cream and putting it back on the shelf. This has become a trend on social media among the young and the brainless last year and it may have been sparked by the genius of Ariana Grande, who was seen on CCTV licking a donut in a coffee shop and putting it back on the tray. Due to Grande's singing voice, she was not incarcerated.

The CCTV from the supermarket in Port Arthur, about 90 miles east of Houston, showed the mouth-breather later took the ice cream tub out of the freezer and bought it.

However, Anderson, obviously a 'Bernie Bro', was sentenced to 30 days in prison by the judge and handed him a six-month suspended sentence for the stunt.

In addition, Anderson was ordered to pay $1,565 to the ice cream company, who paid for the entire freezer of ice cream to be replaced after the video was viewed by 157,000 people online.

The media reported that the idiot and his sperm donor dad returned to the market to show the receipt as proof that they removed the virus-tainted ice cream. But police joyfully pressed charges of criminal mischief anyway.

Anderson pleaded guilty and on Thursday was fined a further $1,000 on top of his prison sentence.

“Anderson’s actions caused public concerns about the safety and quality of consumer products offered for public consumption, impacted Blue Bell [the ice cream company] consumer confidence and caused the company financial loss,” Jefferson County District Attorney’s Office said. “This type of activity will not be tolerated.”

Had this behavior occurred in Iran, Anderson would have been flogged 74 times. 

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Top Chinese officials must self-evaluate

"Fourth down and . . . "

The top cheese of the Chinese government have been forced to undergo a self-criticism session, according to the state media. This is a clear indication that President Xi Jinping is doing all to enforce party loyalty as signs of internal dissent are being felt over Xi's handling of the trade war China is having with the United States.

Members of the Politburo "were asked to conduct criticism and self-criticism in light of work experience," at a meeting held on Tuesday and Wednesday, state news agency Xinhua reported.

Below are a few of the initial questions asked by the state interviewer. The names have been changed to protect the identities of the subjects, all of whom sat in the same room during the interview.

The first question asked by the Interviewer of Chang Pong Bing was:

Interviewer: Tell me, Chang, what is your weakest attribute?

Chang: I try too hard. I find myself slaving over problems until they're solved. Sometimes I take problems home, make wife unhappy but she understand.

Interviewer to Ping Jing Jong: So what is your greatest weakness, Ping?

Ping: I get anxious when work not perfect. It make me to stay late and work until it be done properly.

The were also questioned on "how they have taken the lead to implement Xi's instructions and key Party regulations and policies."

Interviewer: So tell me, Xin Bo Khuan, what would you do if you saw an assassin about to shoot President Xi because he does not want him to remain "President for Life"?

Xin: I get in front of Xi and take bullet for him. If lucky, I die for Xi. He my president, that would be end of my life. No problem.

Interviewer: And now I'm going to ask you all to face the wall and I will stand behind you. When I count to three, I want you to fall backwards and I will catch you. Trust me. . . .


Hello fellow conservatives. At this time of year when everyone has a hand out for a hand-out, I don't. I simply want you to follow Brain Flushings and check out the ads on this page. It's free, I'm free and you're free to follow me or not. I hope you do.



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POTUS gives himself an A+ but wonders if he could go higher

In a tremendous display of self-awareness deficit, President Trump gave himself an  "A plus" rating on economics in his presidency, and the only question he had, was whether he could get an even higher rating.

Technically, an 'A plus' equals 100 percent. One hundred percent equals the entire amount of something. The entire amount of something equals all that there is of that something. Economics has a great deal to do with numbers, therefore President Trump's understanding of economics is limited by his understanding of numbers, which he has shown us is limited because he does not know that A plus is as high as one can get in a rating.

Another question that comes to mind is, who is he asking when he asks "Can I go higher than that?"

But seriously, President Trump's economy is humming along. And he is also the world's worst racist because jobs for minorities is the highest they have ever been.

However, I would like to see President Trump be more introspective on how he is viewed by many in the middle so that his chances in 2020 improve with suburban voters. particularly suburban women voters. If he merely depends on his base, he will lose reelection and I would hate for that to happen.


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Top 3 actors NOT accused of sexual misconduct

As Hollywood goes berserk and paranoid over myriad allegations of sexual misconduct claims, there are still a tiny handful of actors who have escaped the pointed fingers of women who say they've been wronged.

The list of men who have not been accused of exposing themselves, tried to kiss women who they had power over, asked for a helping hand with their junk, rubbed up against them in their set trailer or touched them inappropriately, is comprised of three great actors. 

These men who have distinguished themselves on the silver screen and television, and while their names may no longer be household names, mainly because all three are dead, we can look at them as role models for future Hollywood performers.

I give you: Gabby Hayes, Marty Feldman and Don Knotts.

Not even one of these men ever kissed, fondled, flirted or acted in a lude way with a woman. They are the best of what Hollywood can offer and we salute their memory.

Rest in peace, you old whippersnappers.


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Prepper H: not just an ointment anymore

You never know when you're going to need all your survival wits about you. When that blinding flash and sonic boom screw up your day as the country goes to war.

Or the storm that floods the lowlands gets to your front door, and Jessie, your favorite hound, wakes you up to warn you that it's time to get going, not to hunt deer or some form of rodent, but just to survive.

First thing you do is grab you some freeze dried meals, some MREs and your Coleman gear. Next you get your "Go-Bag" and your water supply, knife, your Franchi semi-auto shotgun, your Armalite M-15, just in case they're coming your way--let 'em come--and your LED Lenser M-17R flashlight so you can see 'em comin', and you climb into your hidey-hole. 

Then you remember what you forgot and you go back and get her, and boy, is she pissed. Not a good thing to forget your wife.

But the one thing you'd never forget is your Prepper H Ointment of Cream--that stuff really does it all.

Not only will it relieve the itching and burning of your hemorrhoids, saving you countless trips to the proctologist, or other physicians who specialize in nether regions problems, you can use it as shaving cream if it turns out you're going to be in there for a long spell.

It also makes for great hair gel, and like your butt, your scalp won't itch. Don't worry, you didn't forget the toothpaste--Prepper H will do the trick. Just don't swallow.

And while your locked away from harm and the enemy, you and the misses might want to do what the good Lord made us different for, and that's where Prepper H comes in as a great sex lube. She'll be amazed the way it feels and you will too, but just make sure you clean up real good afterward.

Let's say the coast is clear and you come out after a few weeks in your hole, you're going to need to eat something other than those dry MREs and freeze dried crap. You might want to go fishing.

Prepper H is great on lubricating fishing reels and even your weapons.

It's great for abrasions, burns and lip balm if the sun got at your lips. Just take care not to swallow unless you need it as a stool softener.

And speaking of stool softener, Prepper H is great for sealing toilet gaskets. It also quiets squeaky doors and in the winter, you'll avoid frozen car door locks. On car engines, try it as a handy gasket seal.

Once life returns to some semblance of order, you can use Prepper H as a leather conditioner--your belts and combat boots will thank you-- and even try it as a wood polish.

In rare cases, if you're stranded on a deserted island with Prepper H Ointment or Cream at your side, you can use it to write a message such as "HELP!" in the sand for rescue planes. Just make sure to keep enough on hand for all those other uses.

Aren't you glad you're prepared? Don't you wish everyone was?

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Why I refused to sing at the inauguration

I'm not going to sing at the President-elect's inaugural concert tonight. I refuse to sing at that inconsiderate man's party. If he was a decent guy, he would have asked me to sing there, but he didn't and he isn't going to ask.

A lot of other, much more famous performers, were also not asked by Mr. Trump and they also refuse to sing at the concert. They should have been asked, so he can forget it--they, like me, aren't going within a mile of that celebration.


I just wish he asked so I could have said 'no' but he's so inconsiderate of my feelings.

I know my voice isn't as good as, say, Bruce Springsteen, or even Ricky Gervais, but I can carry a tune most of the time. 

And I play the spoons.

If Donald J. Trump asked me to sing, I would have given him the treat of hearing my voice and the patter of my spoons. But he didn't and I won't--his loss.

So I take back my offer.

Sad!


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Navy vet gets HS diploma at 90

He dropped out of high school to fight for his country in World War II after persuading his mother to allow him to enlist before he graduated. She agreed to let him go and he never looked back.

Lou Schipper became a US Navy Seabee in the Pacific and last Friday, he got his high school diploma at the tender age of 90.

"I could have become a high school grad sooner," Schipper told The Onion. "The thing was, I wasn't good at algebra so I kept skipping the final exams year after year. But I got disgusted with myself and said, 'Lou, you gotta do it this year. You gotta do it while you're still changing oxygen into carbon dioxide'--I was always good at biology. So I took the exam and boom, I'm a high school graduate . . . finally."

The graduation ceremony was held at a senior living residence in Cincinnati. 

Tony Schad, a representative from St. Xavier, began choking with emotion as he presented Schipper with his long overdue diploma.

"Mr. Louis Schipper, on behalf of your classmates from St. Xavier High School class of 1946, the faculty, staff and administration, I'm happy to officially welcome you to the long blue line, St. X," Schad said.

George Wood was an old classmate of Schipper's and told the school about him. "He was the only freshman in the class who was interviewed with callouses on his hands because that farm boy knew how to do a day's work," Wood told the media.

Dottie Schipper said that Lou was initially reluctant to get his diploma. "He said, 'What the hell do I need with a diploma? I'm 90 years old. Do you want me to get a resume and go to work now?'" she told the paper. "He didn't act like he was really excited, but he was really excited."

After the Navy discharged him, Schipper became an electrician making more money than most liberal arts college grads who majored in Bolivian Transgender Studies and the like. He worked until he was nearly 60.

Now the young 90-year-old would like to go to college and get a degree in "Micro-aggressions and How to Spot Them."

Yeah, sure he would.


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Driver ticketed for warming up his car in his driveway

Roseville, Michigan -- A Michigan man, Nick Taylor, posted a picture of a ticket he received from a police officer for warming up his car in his own driveway. The posting thanked the officer who gave him the ticket.

The ticket was given because the car was left running with nobody around.

"I've never heard of any city ordinance of law like that," Taylor said. But everyone knows that ignorance of the law is no excuse.

It was colder than a well-digger's butt on Thursday and Taylor wanted to keep his car running while he ran into his girlfriend's house. He left the car unlocked with the key in the ignition and Roseville Chief James Berlin said it was a problem.

"This is purely a safety issue," Berlin said. "You can't do it. You see it all the time, people hop in a running car and steal them. Something bad happens when that occurs."

Of course, stealing someone's running car isn't a safety issue, it's a stupidity issue.

But so was the ticket as well. It shows the ordinance listed as 99006 but there is no ordinance in the city or state corresponding with that number. Under the description of the offense, it lists VEH/MOTOR ON UNATTENDED 895. Ordinance 895 is listed as being part of 'rodent control' on the Roseville website.

The local Fox 2 network contacted the Michigan State Police and Lt. Mike Shaw said that there isn't a state law prohibiting the idling of your car with the key in the ignition.

However, it is not known if Michigan has a law prohibiting men leaving the toilet seat up.








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Canada to fully legalize K.G.B., laughing grass and wacky tabacky

Canada will become the first G7 nation to fully legalize the use of marijuana (aka: pot, weed, hashish, hemp, ganja, bhang, tea, bomb weed, bud, dab, diesel, fire, green, K.G.B. [Killer Green Bud], kind, kush, laughing grass, loud, Mary Jane, medical, mota, pakalolo, reefer, sticky icky, sungrown and wacky tabacky). 

The stock prices of sticky icky reveal that investors believe there will be millions of users and thus, a multi-billion dollar market. 

As to how it's regulated in Canada, the question is whether the nation will get it right. A task force recently made 80 recommendations to the government, among them, setting the age limit to 18.

Increased highway accidents are likely to be a problem facing Canadians and it would not be a surprise to see pakalolo border crossings into the United States by Canadians in search of profit.

Stay tuned.

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What will Kerry say to Israel on Wednesday

As the year comes to a close and the Obama administration prepares to steal the silverware from the White House kitchen, one thing is clear: this president cannot leave quickly enough. 

Israel is getting prepared for yet another probable clash with the leftists who want to leave destruction in their wake--a wake that smells curiously like a used Degelman manure spreader. 

Yes, Israel has been stabbed in the back, betrayed and told that their settlements are illegal by a United Nations that is dominated by Islamic countries where anti-Semitism is part of the religion--the Al Fatiha, or first prayer of the day.

On Wednesday, our intelligence-compromised Secretary of State, Comrade John Kerry, plans to discuss the Middle East peace process. Kerry talking about Middle East peace is like Piers Morgan talking about the nomenclature of an AK-47. 

Kerry plans to give a major address on the U.S. vision for resolving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I can imagine he will suggest Israel go back to its 1967 borders, a situation that will leave them totally vulnerable to the Islamic jihad that Hamas and other terrorist organizations dream about and only now believe will happen. 

The situation here in the U.S. is so bad that even Democrats are not on board with Obama's decision to screw Israel before he leaves office. 

Netanyahu is worried about the parameters comrade Kerry may lay out for a Palestinian state. The White House and State Department have offered some details about "Hair-plug" Kerry's planned speech.

Ben Rhodes, the Deputy National Security Adviser told Channel 2 that Kerry will lay out a comprehensive vision for how the U.S. sees the conflict being resolved.

Who the hell does the administration think they are to get involved with two countries (one of which is our ally, the other which isn't really a country) with resolving their differences? That should be between them.

When President-elect Trump is sworn in, things will likely change.

Hope and change.


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Guess who has: "Executive Delusional Disorder with Narcissistic Features"

There may be a new mental disorder to be considered for the future DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual). It doesn't have a name yet, but perhaps we should call it: "Executive Delusional Disorder with Narcissistic Features."

In order to make the diagnosis, at least 3 of the 6 criteria below must exist.

Some of the diagnostic criteria to consider are: 

1. the individual must be an executive in high office with an inflated sense of self and one's ability to evaluate one's effectiveness in their leadership skills with objective honesty. 

2. an inflated sense of one's own intelligence and the underestimation of the intelligence of others.  

3. the ability to spend inordinate amounts of non-productive time with no sense of guilt that others are suffering or dying as you shoot 147 by the end of the 18th hole.

4. a magnified sense of insight regarding racial issues with concomitant abhorrence toward Caucasians and conservative philosophies.

5. falsely believes that all conservatives are instruments of evil.

6. is chronically confused over the definition of hero and heroism: for example, a person suffering from Executive Delusional Disorder with Narcissistic Features might confuse the idea that a person with Gender Dysphoria Disorder (e.g., a biological man who believes that he is a biological woman, and if he mutilates his genitals in an attempt to physically resemble a woman will actually become a female) would believe that person is a hero rather than being mentally ill. (See Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner.) 

Although Executive Delusional Disorder with Narcissistic Features is somewhat rare, it can be seen in some world leaders, some of whom do not even lead from the front, but stay behind to "lead," which in itself, is a delusion.


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Feminist says cats fight toxic masculinity

According to a rather unsightly-looking Australian feminist professor, cats are an excellent choice in dealing with toxic masculinity. 

What is toxic masculinity?

It appears to be any sort of masculinity that isn't feminine, such as the modern day 'masculinity' displayed by "Pajama Boy." 

Dr. Heather Fraser of Flinders University (GO KOALAS! BEAT THE KANGAROOS!) has been researching "feline masculinities." This requires laborious hours spent looking at men and their kitties on Istagram. 

Really.

According to this loon, "aspects of orthodox masculinity" hampered men from allowing themselves to express their love for cats, she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. That same orthodox masculinity has been correlated with misogyny and violence, she claimed.

However, of late there is a growing number of so-called men posting photos of themselves and their beloved kitties snuggling and hugging and whatever for the camera, and Fraser said, as she shed a small tear, "that's a beautiful thing."

"I like to see men defying the narrow straight-jackets of the "he-men" of the past. In amongst all this, it's also fun, it's good," she giggled. "And it allows boys that are growing up to have better relationships with cats and, by extension, other kinds of creatures." 

For one day these boys will look in the mirror and see that they are still boys.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation quoted a recent study that claims men who own cats are more likely to "identify as 'a bit of an intellectual,' more likely to vote Green Party, and less likely to play sports."

How hot is that, girls?

Oh, I almost forgot. Just because someone 'identifies as a bit of an intellectual' doesn't make him an intellectual, anymore than a white guy identifying as a black woman make him a black woman. 

But what's biology to liberals anyway but an inconvenient truth. 


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Sens

Sens a photo by Rob Hoey on Flickr.

Ah, the season is over for the Ottawa Senators, the lights are slowly fading, and the team can look back on this year and proudly say to themselves: "We couldn't suck enough." They came in last place but finished with a flourish that could only be described as a sports-tease--giving us hope that perhaps next year, they will suck enough. There were enough injuries on the team to give one pause and ponder the question as to whether or not they should have taken up curling instead of hockey. Let's face it, there's a lot less hitting and far fewer injuries in curling than one faces in the NHL. (For the Sens, NHL stands for "Need Help Ladies?").

But who am I to talk? I have no hockey skills. I have so little time in Canada that maybe I should keep my stupid keyboard shut and pretend that coming in dead last is no big deal. Heck, someone has to be last so that being first is just that much sweeter, and being the penultimate team doesn't quite suck as much.

The only good thing that came out of Canadian hockey for me was my learning the National Anthem, which, by the way, I plan to parody.

This photo is blogged

This photo is blogged a photo by Rob Hoey on Flickr.

You're laying in bed. All you hear is the sound of your spouse asleep, breathing and dreaming next to you; a ticking clock on the wall, and if your hearing is really good, the sound of melted snow in the process of refreezing from the cold night air. You ask yourself philosophical questions like: "if a clock ticks in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it, does time stop?" Or: "did Tim Horton ever sleep?"
Yes, you realize it was that late night cup of coffee that is causing those neurons to fire like a Donald Trumpathon on steroids. And you lay there and the clock's ticking seems to get louder and all kinds of new thoughts enter your mind like: "when the hell am I going to get around to hanging that freaking light in the dining area?" Or: "if god exists, why did he make bedbugs and maggots?" Or: "what if they never give me permanent residency in Canada?"
Then I try to relax and take a few deep breaths, which is a little like white noise but it still doesn't drown out the ticking of the clock and the refreezing of the melted snow.
Did you know that the number 8 is the brightest digit on a digital clock?

Eh?

cloud4
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

It snowed yesterday and my childhood flashed in front of my eyes. I remembered how I played in the snow in the mornings and my toes would get so cold that they'd itch. I'd come into the house and Dad would put Noxema on them and the itch would go away. Magic. And then I'd go out and play again, only to repeat the cycle.

It's November and it already snowed twice; maybe we'll get a white Christmas--if we do, it'll be my first one in many years. I think it has been so long since I've actually had a white Christmas that Bing Crosby's song about it just came out. Well, okay, I'm exaggerating, but it must be at least 20 plus years.

My favorite Christmas as a kid was getting my first set of electric trains. Lionel, of course, with the smoke pills and the whistle and the little houses and the tracks that fit together. Once I got too old for them, I put the trains in a box and forgot about them. Then, one day I came across them while going through my stuff. I had no use for them anymore, or so I thought, so I gave them away to my nephew, Michael. I wonder if he still has them; I doubt it.

Trains had a way of being a catalyst for the imagination; today the imagination of the young is fed by computer games, cell phone games, X-Box, and things I'm not even aware of, but I know it's out there. The trouble is, we tend to spend all of our time, lately, on our computers (as I'm doing as I write this), on our phones, in our games, and less time in our real world. George Carlin had a theory about this--he believed that this was the way for those in real power to distract us from what's most important in the world, which is how our leaders (most of whom are not visible to the public), are screwing us.
I don't know if he was correct, but I do know we need to spend more time in the here and now.
What's your favorite childhood memory, eh?

Money---the root of all stuff

Cindy Crawford will be at the tent sale (at least her photo will)
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

Microsoft Excel is an excellent program that can easily show you how long it's going to take before you end up in the Poor House. I did a spreadsheet for Thas and averaged what her daily intake was for two days in August and for September, thus far. She is busting her butt for nine to ten hours a day at a commission split that would make a pizza delivery boy LOL because he's doing better. So I'm in the living room writing my blog and she's in the office getting her papers together for a job she had considered to apply for several weeks ago until this one came along.

Let's face it, the Canadian economy sucks as much as that of the USA, except it sucks a lot colder in the winter. In order to get to work you need a car, or be willing to freeze body parts blue, and I don't just mean those body parts that turn blue for lack of usage, if you get my drift. It's only one day beyond the ides of September and I've already gone out and bought heat shrink plastic covering for the windows and terrace door. I anticipate snow as high as this door, and it's on the second floor.

So getting back to my opening point, the tent sale didn't make us rich or even pleasantly comfortable, but it served the purpose of warning us that a real job with a weekly salary vs. a job only paying commission, is the viable option.

I look forward to getting my permanent residency so I can begin helping out the cause, but it's taking so long.

Remember, every time you click onto one of the ads in this blog, I make a few cents--money that can be used for heating or food; money that, I can assure you, will not go to waste.

Click at will.