Clown Wins in Gallop Poll, Defeating Village Idiot

In a recent Gallop poll taken across key swing states it was revealed that if Joe Biden was to run in a separate Vice Presidential election, he would actually lose dramatically to Bozo the Clown by a margin of 87% to 13%.  While a Vice President does not run separately from the incumbent President, the results are quite interesting, leading the Gallop pollsters to agree that Biden has the credibility as VP as Osama bin Laden would have had should he have declared himself a campaign candidate for the head rabbi of Israel.

Biden, stated that he would not dignify these findings with an intelligent response and said that he believes Bozo is the very same clown involved in the GSA scandal in which over $800 thousand was used to throw an elaborate party at the taxpayer's expense.

Bozo simply pedaled off on his unicycle and honked away into the sunset.




 

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Obama Supports Adam and Steve

Obama announced today that his "personal belief" a belief that has been fomenting, formulating and developing for years, is that men marrying men, women marrying women, and men marrying women is all okay. This has not been his historical take on this question but hey, there's an election coming up and if he can round up the Brokeback Mountain vote with his charade, then so be it.  Obama's stance on this issue has changed back and forth since 1998, but as recently as 2008, his "Christian" stance was made clear by him and he opposed gay marriage.

You can call Mitt Romney a flip-flopper all you want but Obama is a flip flip-flopper and Joe Biden is his pointman.  (Let's face it, Joe blew it with this administration and with his stance on gay marriage and abortion, he will never stand a chance of running for Pope.) Therefore, if Romney is a flip-flopper, so is Obama, but lots of politicians say one thing on Tuesday and change the message by the time the weekend arrives. The important things voters will need to consider is the economy and national security, not single-sex marriage and banning McDonalds.  We will vote on whether we want to keep the current corrupt administration who allows guns to walk and New Black Panthers to intimidate white folks at polling places.  We will vote over the outrage of the left by the shooting of one black man while saying nothing about a white couple attacked by a mob of angry blacks as a result of that shooting. 

Everything else is a smokescreen to keep us from considering Obama's abysmal failures and incompetence.

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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Al Qaeda's New Ball Bomber Attempt

Another plot to blow up an American jet passenger plane has been foiled by the CIA.  Like the Christmas Ball Bomber of the recent past, this plot also involved the placement of the PETN bomb beneath the family jewels so as not to be inspected by the TSA, but this just demonstrates the holes in al Qaeda's intelligence when it comes to the TSA and their willingness to put their hands where one only gets permission during the honeymoon.  Their new motto: "Over One Million Groped."  But this bomb was more sophisticated and less easily detectable as it had no metal.

Nailing the "Anal Sphincter Bomber"

The plot for the bombing coincides with the take down of Osama bin Laden last May. If you believe one administration story, it seems that President Obama has been aware of this bomb plot for months but it has only now gone public, and it doesn't appear that Obama had given it much attention until now.  But when asked about possible plots several months ago, it appears they were in the dark.  Who knows what the truth is--Obama wouldn't lie, would he?

So, it seems that the war on terror is over and now we can begin the war on actual people who are trying to kill us.  Now al Qaeda is operating large in Yemen, and this is probably their headquarters (if you can call the dumps they inhabit headquarters). This may be an indication that al Qaeda is zigging and zagging, but we must remember that any group of religious warriors who are willing to kill themselves to kill you and then get to heaven, are not going away without a fight.

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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KSM and Company Playfully Prepare for Trial

An Islamic Holy Man

Khalid Sheik Mohammed and his four terrorist co-defendants were arraigned yesterday in a process that took 13 hours rather than the typical 13 minutes, at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  One made a paper airplane, signifying the jihadist's suicide missions that killed over 3,000 innocent Americans, another terrorist scumbag gave a "thumbs up" to a victim's family member, and one removed his shirt, revealing his oily chest hair, and this was just the start.

These creatures (I refuse to call them animals because animals don't do what these dickweeds did to fellow human beings) can receive the death sentence if convicted, but the way the trial has begun suggests to me that by the time the sentence is finally imposed, they will have died of natural causes in prison.  If these orthodox Islamic worshipers are not convicted, I propose they be released on their own recognizance in a locked room in Manhattan with the families of the 911 victims and a few members of SEAL Team 6.

bin Quikta Sin

During the opening hearing, an attorney for one of the scumbags complained that the military commission trial is unconstitutional (as is the killing of American citizens, and the beheading of Daniel Pearl, which he left out).  Another lawyer and useful idiot for Islam wore a hijab and abaya, which to the Muslim mind can be thought of as an "anti-erection outfit" as she told the military attorneys that they should dress more modestly as they might cause these Muslim holy men to commit a sin.  You see, if a Muslim looks at human skin tissue, it causes an immediate sexual reaction with concomitant "dirty" thoughts.  These "dirty" thoughts can cause these holy Muslim terrorist jihadists to go past Paradise and land in Hell where Allah burns away their skin as they scream in pain, then replaces this skin with new skin.  This is their conception of their god. Really, it's in their "holy book," that can get you killed if they find it in your outhouse.

"Quiet, I need to pray"

One lawyer for them was upset that we had these terrorists strip-searched before leaving Gitmo.  If we strip-searched Mohammad Atta, they would have found his box-cutters and the Twin Towers might still be standing.

Yes, I am angry at this nonsense.  We are allowing this mockery of our justice system to get off on the wrong foot.  I say put the garbage in another room where they have the choice to watch it on CCTV.  I say that when one of their useful idiot lawyers tells us to respect their religion, we remind that moron that it is their religion that commanded their actions in the first place.  Anyone who disagrees with that statement has not read their koran; and if they had, they didn't understand it in the way it's intended.  Giving in to these demands by their lawyers, is a victory for them. Tape their mouths in the courtroom if they're inappropriate. 

 

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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Osama's Dear Diary: Part Four

This is the fourth part in Osama's Dear Diary series, a product of my imagination.  I know that I am taking a humorous view on a person so terrible, America cheered when he died and Obama took all the credit for SEAL Team Six, making more self-references than a narcissist to his mirror on the wall.  This President has even named his dog "Bo" in honor of his own initials. If you'd like to read Part One go here for Part Two, go here and for Part Three go here .

March 10, 2010
Dear Diary,
It is obvious to me that if there was any way we could get Obama out of office, we could easily conquer the infidels as their nation would end up being run by their village idiot. Joseph Biden has as much intelligence and worldly skill as a hourie at a hoedown. But getting rid of Obama will be no easy task as his Secret Service guards are willing to give their lives for him and he has been campaigning for the 2012 election since he came into office.  So I suspect he will be around for a very long time, and if he has his way, perhaps he will never leave office and simply declare himself America's Leader for Life. But there is a good side to this story--it seems plausible that this Obama person may very well be one of us as seen by the deference he has paid to King Abdullah and to Islam. But all that aside, it looks like it might finally rain and cool off a little.  It is still as hot as a camel's scrotum in the July Sahara.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

May 1, 2010
Dear Diary,
All is beautiful with the world.  I saw a young girl playing with her dolls in the courtyard of my wonderful complex this morning.  She caught me looking at her and I believe we both felt the same thing in that moment.  This little girl is a Pakistani and I plan to marry her and add a fourth wife to my stable.  It is Allah's wish, yadda yadda yadda, and out of respect for her father, I will wait until the child is nine, as Mohammad, Peace be upon Him, did with Aisha, to consummate the marriage.  After all, Diary, it is the moral thing to do.  Somehow I feel that this date will have great importance in my life. I cannot wait to tell her the news of our marriage.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

April 30, 2011
Dear Diary,
Well, I am still stuck in Pakistan, right under the nose of the American government--those ignorant infidels.  My close friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad (I understand he now has the cool nickname KSM) remains loyal to me and will find a place in Paradise for his service to jihad.  I wish there were more jihadists like him, but from what I can judge about the world and the Muslim population explosion, there wll be more like him in the next generation.  Mohammad, PBUH, and Allah, yadda yadda yadda, were infinitely wise by allowing the gift of multiple wives to a husband.  This has resulted in an overflowing of our madrassas and Islam's future looks bright.  Soon all the world will be saying, "There is no God but God and Mohammad is His Messenger." I know that tomorrow will bring better things.  Allahu Akbar.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama 

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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Osama's Dear Diary: Part Three

Part Three of Osama's Dear Diary follows.  Part One can be found here  and Part Two can be found here . It's amazing how a man, stuck in a cave with only a black and white TV, a few DVDs and the determination and will not only to survive, but to kill every human being who fails to follow Mohammad, and to especially kill Jews as an Islamic duty and because it's cool to hate them, could have eluded us for so long.
Peace be upon him . . . not.

July 4, 2003
Dear Diary,
Here I am in sunny Pakistan and it's hotter than a camel's hocker in the desert sun at noon in August.  But I don't care because the stupid American infidels are looking for me in Afghanistan LMFAO (which means, dear Diary, "Laughing My Fidel Ass Off").  They are as stupid as the Jews with whom they ally for Israel, and that country will soon be a smoldering hole when my Al Qaeda gets done with it.  My brave jihadists will be sending Katyusha rockets at Israeli school buses filled with little Jewish boys and girls and we will chase the rest of the Jews into the sea.  But today is an American holiday, I was told by Imam Bubkah.  It is the day that the infidels became free from other infidels and their country experienced their first taste of freedom. Hoopah, I spit on their freedom.  Soon will come a time when all the world will know Sharia and all infidels of the world shall know the edge of Allah's sword, yadda yadda yadda (please remind me of the proper words that go with His name). Americans celebrate their infidel holiday by shooting rockets in the air to decorate the sky, but our rockets will decorate Israel with the dead and the dying. Well my dearest Diary, I will go for another walk around my quarters--it is much larger than that drafty Afghan cave I had to endure for so long.  But soon I will be able to reveal myself to the world as the world will be a Caliphate.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

August 24, 2003
Dear Diary,
If you thought it was hot last month, this month makes last month look like Canada in mid-winter.  I cannot stop sweating and find myself walking around my safe house without my izar and kurtha-pajama.  I have even considered taking an infidel shower. Worse than this, there are only summer re-runs on the TV and the only news I am able to get is from a station in New York City (where I really showed the power of our reach) called Fox News.  I understand my good friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad is still in prison but the infidels will never get him to tell them of my whereabouts and our plans to blow up planes with bombs secreted in underwear (below the dunda), and in shoes. LMFAO when they find out what we can do to them with our terror. I don't know about you, Diary, but I could go for a nice plate of chicken biryani and lime pickle.  The food they have secreted to me is often cold, and as palatable as monkey dung.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

December 25, 2003
Dear Diary,
I have tried my best, I have prayed to Allah, yadda yadda yadda, and have done a marathon namaz, all to no avail.  The Pakistani President, Musharraf is still alive.  What do I have to do to get devine intervention here, eh? Both today and on December 14th, bombs that were designed to blow up his car somehow detonated just before he reached them and he was able to walk away from the explosions looking no worse than Wylie Coyote (a favorite TV cartoon of mine). What does a guy have to do to kill a Paki Prez? Rumor has it that the infidel FBI provided Musharraf with a device made to interfere with cell phone signals. This is totally unfair to all of those people who want to make a cell phone call.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

For Part Four go  here

 

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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Obama In Afghanistan Casually Mentions bin Laden

I am sitting on my couch, which is kind of a blue-green color since my wife likes wild colors being that she's from India where color rules, and I am awaiting to hear what our President will say while in Afghanistan.  He landed there a few hours ago on a secret rendezvous--here he is . . .

"I'm in Bagram Airbase which is far from home but close to our hearts," he said.  He revealed that he signed an agreement with the Afghan leader in an "equal partnership with two sovereign states". 

Woops--the speech just started and he has already mentioned bin Laden and acts of terror, al Qaeda, killing, wow, he's doing his campaign speech again. Bin Laden mentioned again and again al Qaeda is mentioned. Now he said the tide is turned and how we "devastated al Qaeda`s leadershop and took out, yes, Osama bin Laden. Sacrifice, he mentioned and ending the war in Afghanistan.  This reminds me of how the left made fun of Rudy Guiliani, I believe it was on SNL when they kept saying "9-11" on and on.

Obama says that he wants Afghan forces to be in the lead in the war there, not mentioning the fact that many of the killers of US troops happen to be Afghan soldiers who put religion over politics.  Already a full minute has gone by with no mention of Osama bin Laden--this is a hopeful sign that he`s not using this speech as a campaign stump speech (LOL). He has a clear plan about how many Afghan troops will be in place once our troops leave.  I wonder what the value is to have more troops get killed there now that they know we're leaving soon.  

Obama spoke of the agreement he and Karzaid made on this visit. The agreement addresses terrorism and democratic institutions, transparency and accountability, and so on--just like his transparent presidency.  "We will not build permanent bases in this country." He is extending a fig or that leaf you extend when you're losing and dont' want to keep getting punched, to the Taliban, hoping they will walk the walk while he does the talk, like Jeezy the rapper he mentioned in that cool Obama way he has when playing up to the younger voter.

"Our goal is to destroy al Qaeda . . ." and the worst thing as President is to have to write a letter to a parent who lost their child in this war--he has already written several thousand letters, I am certain. He is saying good stuff about the military institution  "in an age where so many institutions have come up short". He cannot keep from dissing corporate America. And yes, he called himself "Commander in Chief" several times to the troops, just in case they forgot.  He alluded to the fact that he doesn't like the way America is now and wants to rebuild it, and unite it (LOL) and build our future as one people (LOL). 

Speech over like the war will be soon.  

I am happy to report that at the hospital there, our President bravely handed out ten Purple Hearts to the wounded--his courage knows no bounds.  

Karzai still looks like Gus, my childhood ice cream man.

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

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Osama's Dear Diary: Part Two

This is part two of Osama bin Laden's diary.  For part One of the diary go here .  This diary is a product of my imagination based upon what is known and what is unknown about the terrorist leader who was defeated, almost single-handedly, by Barack Hussein Obama, our fearless President, TV personality, and basketball jump-shot champion.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammad

February 14, 2002
Dear Diary,
Well, today is what  the infidels call Valentine's Day.  Whoever this infidel was, this guy named Valentine, he must have had even more wives than the Prophet, peace be upon Him, because infidel women seem to love him. Women who celebrate Valentine's Day expect their husband or master to give them gifts. So Diary, for the sake of good old Islamic fun, I have decided to do the same with my wives, and provided each of them with a sack of stones of perfect throwing weight and pointed edges to use at the next rock festival when a good old fashioned woman stoning takes place.  Oops, my candle went out just as I was writing--this cave is very drafty and I will need to speak with the village imam to discuss the problem and perhaps find better accomodations. Here comes Yasmeen and Aisha (not her real name) and it looks like I will get to do some field plowing, if you know what I mean.  Maybe infidels have a few good ideas about sexual behavior--everything they do seems to be motivated by sex, even when they sell things on television, like those sexy telephone commercials that feature golden haired houries.  If the infidels were allowed four wives, as we believers, there would be no need for this immoral behavior.  Anyway, I was thinking, as I laid in bed last night, that I haven't killed a Jew in months . . . what to do?
Your devoted scribe,
Osama.


February 28, 2002
Dear Diary,
It has been two weeks to the day since I wrote to you.  My wives have gone home to Arabia, for their own safety, Inshallah,  and I am here alone with you, my television and Nancy, my inflatable doll who surprisingly looks like a young Nancy Pelosi.  I must be very careful with her as the rocks on the floor of my cave can be very sharp, and if she exploded, I would be at wits end as to who to speak to.  Speaking of speaking, I spoke with Imam Bubkah who warned me that the Americans, a pox be on their President Bush, are using a form of interrogation called "begging and threatening", which has produced no positive results for the infidels.  I am as safe as the Prophet, peace be upon Him, standing behind the shield of Omar.  Allah will protect me because Allah, yadda yadda yadda (I wish I could remember the magic words), knows my loyalty for him and hatred for all nonbelievers.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama

Daniel Pearl

June 3, 2003
Dear Diary,
It has been many moons since I have written to you and so many things have happened.  For one, a Jewish journalist named Daniel Pearl, was cleverly lured to what he thought was an interview with Sheikh Mubarak Ali Gilani in Karachi, but it was good old taqiyya by my jihadi brothers tricking him to a fake meeting, and he was captured. Unfortunately, the American pigs refused to trade him for our brave soldiers of Allah, in Guantanamo Bay, and my devoted friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad beheaded him.  Unfortunately, they captured Khalid and he is being detained as I write this in the confines of my cave. I pray for his release so he can rejoin us in our glory. Also of some note, my fourth wife, Yasmeen, was caught allowing the roti delivery man into our home and my other wives finally got to use their throwing stones--that old Valentine's Day gift I told you about.  Aisha (not her real name) is quite the accurate thrower, that little jihadi sweetie--I think she gets it from me.  I was considering taking a new wife to replace Yasmeen, but Aisha said that if I did, she would be very upset and angry.  I had to beat her lightly, as called for in the Qu'ran, and after she cleaned herself up and wiped off her bloody face, (how I love that face), she came around to my way of thinking and a replacement may be in the stars.  Why, oh Diary, did Allah, yadda yadda yadda, create women in the first place? They're not as religious as men and are intellectually inferior, except for perhaps Condoleezza Rice.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
 

For Part Three go here

If you want a great read about modern day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see the links below. 

Jihad Joe Soft Cover           

click here for ebook version  

Conservatweets ebook free download

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