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Part Three of Osama's Dear Diary follows. Part One can be found here and Part Two can be found here . It's amazing how a man, stuck in a cave with only a black and white TV, a few DVDs and the determination and will not only to survive, but to kill every human being who fails to follow Mohammad, and to especially kill Jews as an Islamic duty and because it's cool to hate them, could have eluded us for so long.
Peace be upon him . . . not.
July 4, 2003
Dear Diary,
Here I am in sunny Pakistan and it's hotter than a camel's hocker in the desert sun at noon in August. But I don't care because the stupid American infidels are looking for me in Afghanistan LMFAO (which means, dear Diary, "Laughing My Fidel Ass Off"). They are as stupid as the Jews with whom they ally for Israel, and that country will soon be a smoldering hole when my Al Qaeda gets done with it. My brave jihadists will be sending Katyusha rockets at Israeli school buses filled with little Jewish boys and girls and we will chase the rest of the Jews into the sea. But today is an American holiday, I was told by Imam Bubkah. It is the day that the infidels became free from other infidels and their country experienced their first taste of freedom. Hoopah, I spit on their freedom. Soon will come a time when all the world will know Sharia and all infidels of the world shall know the edge of Allah's sword, yadda yadda yadda (please remind me of the proper words that go with His name). Americans celebrate their infidel holiday by shooting rockets in the air to decorate the sky, but our rockets will decorate Israel with the dead and the dying. Well my dearest Diary, I will go for another walk around my quarters--it is much larger than that drafty Afghan cave I had to endure for so long. But soon I will be able to reveal myself to the world as the world will be a Caliphate.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
August 24, 2003
Dear Diary,
If you thought it was hot last month, this month makes last month look like Canada in mid-winter. I cannot stop sweating and find myself walking around my safe house without my izar and kurtha-pajama. I have even considered taking an infidel shower. Worse than this, there are only summer re-runs on the TV and the only news I am able to get is from a station in New York City (where I really showed the power of our reach) called Fox News. I understand my good friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad is still in prison but the infidels will never get him to tell them of my whereabouts and our plans to blow up planes with bombs secreted in underwear (below the dunda), and in shoes. LMFAO when they find out what we can do to them with our terror. I don't know about you, Diary, but I could go for a nice plate of chicken biryani and lime pickle. The food they have secreted to me is often cold, and as palatable as monkey dung.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
December 25, 2003
Dear Diary,
I have tried my best, I have prayed to Allah, yadda yadda yadda, and have done a marathon namaz, all to no avail. The Pakistani President, Musharraf is still alive. What do I have to do to get devine intervention here, eh? Both today and on December 14th, bombs that were designed to blow up his car somehow detonated just before he reached them and he was able to walk away from the explosions looking no worse than Wylie Coyote (a favorite TV cartoon of mine). What does a guy have to do to kill a Paki Prez? Rumor has it that the infidel FBI provided Musharraf with a device made to interfere with cell phone signals. This is totally unfair to all of those people who want to make a cell phone call.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
For Part Four go here
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Peace be upon him . . . not.
July 4, 2003
Dear Diary,
Here I am in sunny Pakistan and it's hotter than a camel's hocker in the desert sun at noon in August. But I don't care because the stupid American infidels are looking for me in Afghanistan LMFAO (which means, dear Diary, "Laughing My Fidel Ass Off"). They are as stupid as the Jews with whom they ally for Israel, and that country will soon be a smoldering hole when my Al Qaeda gets done with it. My brave jihadists will be sending Katyusha rockets at Israeli school buses filled with little Jewish boys and girls and we will chase the rest of the Jews into the sea. But today is an American holiday, I was told by Imam Bubkah. It is the day that the infidels became free from other infidels and their country experienced their first taste of freedom. Hoopah, I spit on their freedom. Soon will come a time when all the world will know Sharia and all infidels of the world shall know the edge of Allah's sword, yadda yadda yadda (please remind me of the proper words that go with His name). Americans celebrate their infidel holiday by shooting rockets in the air to decorate the sky, but our rockets will decorate Israel with the dead and the dying. Well my dearest Diary, I will go for another walk around my quarters--it is much larger than that drafty Afghan cave I had to endure for so long. But soon I will be able to reveal myself to the world as the world will be a Caliphate.
Your devoted scribe,Osama
August 24, 2003
Dear Diary,
If you thought it was hot last month, this month makes last month look like Canada in mid-winter. I cannot stop sweating and find myself walking around my safe house without my izar and kurtha-pajama. I have even considered taking an infidel shower. Worse than this, there are only summer re-runs on the TV and the only news I am able to get is from a station in New York City (where I really showed the power of our reach) called Fox News. I understand my good friend, Khalid Sheikh Mohammad is still in prison but the infidels will never get him to tell them of my whereabouts and our plans to blow up planes with bombs secreted in underwear (below the dunda), and in shoes. LMFAO when they find out what we can do to them with our terror. I don't know about you, Diary, but I could go for a nice plate of chicken biryani and lime pickle. The food they have secreted to me is often cold, and as palatable as monkey dung.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
December 25, 2003
Dear Diary,
I have tried my best, I have prayed to Allah, yadda yadda yadda, and have done a marathon namaz, all to no avail. The Pakistani President, Musharraf is still alive. What do I have to do to get devine intervention here, eh? Both today and on December 14th, bombs that were designed to blow up his car somehow detonated just before he reached them and he was able to walk away from the explosions looking no worse than Wylie Coyote (a favorite TV cartoon of mine). What does a guy have to do to kill a Paki Prez? Rumor has it that the infidel FBI provided Musharraf with a device made to interfere with cell phone signals. This is totally unfair to all of those people who want to make a cell phone call.
Your devoted scribe,
Osama
For Part Four go here
If you want a great read about modern
day terrorism and suspense, my latest novel, Jihad Joe, is now available both in soft cover and as an Ebook--see
the links below.
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