Biden puts on a clinic on global warming and blows away Duchess of Cornwall long and loud

Everybody poops and everybody farts, just ask President Biden.

The Duchess of Cornwall was the unsuspecting recipient of a clinic put on by our president in which he blew "a fragrant kiss" that sounded like a tuba player with incredible lung capacity. The Duchess was blown away, as the saying goes.

Biden met the Duchess, Camilla Parker Bowles, during a reception on Monday at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery, attended by Prince Charles, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Boris Johnson. She was clearly taken aback by the Biden cheek flapper while the others kept a stiff upper lip.

Yes, our president "did an Eric Swalwell" and farted in mid-conversation with Camilla while at the Glasgow COP26 climate conference. What better way for our nation to demonstrate to the world the current crisis global warming has on the planet? Not only was it loud, it was long and reportedly odiferous.

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Since the event occurred, Camilla was so blown away that she "hasn't stopped talking about it" as "[I]t was long and loud and impossible to ignore," according to a source who told the Mail on Sunday. 

But if Biden's pledge, and one of the most important problems society faces today he states, is to “reduce our methane emissions as quickly as possible,” he is setting a poor example. 

This was not the first time the president has been accused of having an anal audio. He was accused in May 2020 of audibly firing off a crowd splitter at a campaign livestream when he appeared with PA Gov. Tom Wolf. As Wolf was speaking, Biden lifted one butt cheek and a noise was heard reminiscent of an Eric Swalwell media event.

Biden met with the Duchess during a reception on Monday at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery, attended by Prince Charles, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Boris Johnson.

At least he didn't poop his pants this time.

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Beware the unclothed farter in the time of COVID-19

People may ask "Can the Chinese Communist Wuhan Coronavirus waft along the air upon a cloud of flatulence?"

It's a question plaguing the minds of many and what's left of the mind of Joe Biden.

Simply put: can farting spread the coronavirus?

According to a report in the New York Post, several doctors have tried to tackle that question both on social media and in a podcast, discussing whether or not farting has the possibility of spreading COVID-19. No pun intended, but two doctors "Down Under" were weighing in on how the virus can spread.

On Twitter, Dr. Andy Tagg, an emergency physician at Western Health in California, posted a thread diving into whether farts can carry the virus, and found that while there wasn’t much research on the subject, the only study found that farting while pantless could potentially be risky, especially on elevators, which would beg the question as to why would someone go without pants on an elevator?

The New York Post reported that on a podcast between two doctors, one of them, Dr. Norman Swan, suggested that farting without pants would not be advised and that it would be safer if people “don’t fart close to other people" [especially in a biker bar].

Dr. Aaron E. Glatt, an epidemiologist at Mount Sinai South Nassau, told the New York Post in an email that there have been studies to suggest that a high number of coronavirus patients show gastrointestinal symptoms while infected, and you know what that means.

Glatt told the New York Post that “there are no published data on whether flatulence alone presents any risk of transmission, although in a clothed person, it would be unlikely to be a significant route of transmission.” 

This is likely due to the notion that if one is wearing underwear, it serves as a butt mask.



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LeBron pulls' s Swalwell gassing' on fan

Just when you thought that fartgate was over, basketball's king of the court, LeBron James lifted his leg and farted at a fan requesting his autograph.

Alex Jones might say that this is proof LeBron can't read or write and had to sign the autographs with a burst of methane, but we know James is educated and bright, if not a tad gross and childish.

James and his buddy Chris Paul, another player, were leaving an Oklahoma steakhouse [you know Oklahoma--it's where "the wind come sweeping down the plain"] when a fan asked for his autograph, according to TMZ. The fan was recording the encounter.

Before entering a waiting SUV, James lifted his leg and offered a loud fart. It was loud enough to be picked up by the camera's audio from the other side of the parking lot, TMZ reported.

Immediately following the story, Rep. Eric Swalwell, known for farting on camera, advised LeBron to say that the sound came from the SUV's airbag inflating--the coffee cup across the counter was already used by him.


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Avenatti accused of lighting his flatulence at sex parties to force girls to cooperate

The porn lawyer for Stormy Daniels and Julie "Hot Times" Swetnick, has been accused by a woman [who wished to remain anonymous due to her fear of public display] of hosting "Flaming Flatulence Parties" when he was a randy student and stud at Parkway Central High School, in high in Chesterfield, Missouri.

The woman said that "Michael would throw these cool parties at the homes of his friends whose parents were away.  There was always plenty of drugs like Joe Fridays or some Maui Wowie and he'd get the girls all messed up and show off to them by lighting his farts in a dark bedroom where they would glow these cool and impressive colors. They were like in high school so it didn't take much to get them primed, if you know what I mean.

"Then Mikey, he'd get on top of the girl and threaten her saying that if she didn't cooperate, he'd light up more than just his gas, if you know what I mean. It was scary and disgusting all rolled up into one. The girls were scared out of their wits."

If the allegations turn out to be credible, which Republicans say they are, Avenatti faces sexual misconduct charges including rape, assault, and attempted arson with a dangerous substance.


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Passenger passing gas refuses to stop and causes emergency landing

A pilot had to make an emergency landing after a man's flatulence led to fisticuffs. The man breaking wind refused to stop and it came to blows.

Two flying Dutchmen sitting next to the gas-passing passenger reportedly asked the man to put a cork in it, but he refused and continue to fart at will aboard a Transavia Airlines flight from Dubai to Amsterdam Schiphol.

The crew of the budget airline supposedly did nothing to assist passengers after they complained, Metro reported, and a fight broke out between the men. The pilot cautioned the men to stop but the fight continued and the plane was diverted to Vienna Airport, where it made an emergency landing.

Police bravely boarded the plane on landing and removed two women and two men as reported by the pilot to be "passengers on the rampage." 

The women who were removed are sisters and plan to take the airline to court claiming they had nothing to do with the altercation and would never pass wind outside the privacy of their home or on an empty elevator. Nora Lacchab, 25, and a law student, called the incident "humiliating."

"We had no idea who these boys were, we just had the bad luck to be in the same row and we didn't do anything. All I will say is that the crew were really provocative and stirred things up," Lacchab told De Telegraph.

All four passengers were released from police custody without being charged but are banned from flying Transavia Airlines in the future. 

An airline spokesperson said in a statement:

"Our crew must ensure a safe flight. When passengers pose risks, they immediately intervene. Our people are trained for that. They know very well where the boundaries are. Transavia is therefore square behind the cabin crew and the pilots."

Transavia's motto is: "Try Our Beans and Cabbage Soup."


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Auntie Maxine still crazy after all these years

"Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Every family seems to have at least one crazy aunt or uncle and the United States is no exception. 

Crazy "Auntie" Maxine Waters (Duh--Calif.) is going even more crazy opposing the Trump administration and incessantly calling for President Trump's impeachment on grounds that have yet to be determined.

At an annual New Hampshire picnic, Waters renewed her oath to "bring down" President Donald Trump and his administration.

The 78-year-old confused socialist was vehement.

"Mr. President, we are organizing. And we are organizing to bring you down . . . and bring your agenda down," Waters, the woman labeled one of the most corrupt members of congress" said.

"This man is deplorable, dishonest, a liar, a bully, and I want him impeached," she said, calling the kettle black.

Like Hillary Clinton, Waters shut out the press because she didn't want to be held accountable for her words.

WMUR reported that press had been blocked from covering the Democrats' annual picnic in Strafford County, NH. 

One of my anonymous sources (who goes by the pseudonym Vinny Boombots) said that he has reliable information that Maxine Waters is a black supremacist and goes to monthly meetings in the same woods that Hillary Clinton often frequents.

Ms. Waters recently denied her presidential ambitions, evidently realizing that she may be dead from geriatric medical complications before 2020. 

But Vinny Boombots also claims that Waters' mental capacities are rapidly deteriorating while her chronic explosive flatulence has caused quick exits from events or her limiting of press coverage to avoid embarrassment.


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American Airline passenger 'cuts one' and passengers cut out

Raleigh, N.C. -- A passenger who farted about an American Airlines plane on Sunday afternoon had gas so potent that it forced all the passengers off the jet.

The problem occurred when passengers on the flight became ill with nausea and headaches, according to a spokesperson with Raleigh-Durham International Airport.

The unidentified flight landed at the airport around 4 p.m. when the fart was reported.

All the passengers were whisked off the plane and after the incident was investigated, it was determined that a passenger had farted, or "passed gas" as the official put it.

Flatulence evacuation of commercial aircraft is rather unusual and can be caused by certain medical conditions.

"One thing for certain," said one nauseous passenger, "it really isn't funny."

For another interesting story about this sensitive subject, go here.

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Seriously: Sanders people plan a "fart-in" for Hillary

When Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary Clinton on Tuesday, his supporters wanted to show the world what they thought of that move. They plan to hold a "fart-in" at the Democratic National Convention later this month to make the statement: "We think Hillary for President stinks."

Head farter of the protest, Cheri Honkala, is the national coordinator for the Poor People's Economic Human Rights Campaign. She has been stocking up on dry beans and canned beans and plans to head for Philadelphia and have the delegates  eat 'em up then have Hillary Clinton smell what they think of her.

The original plan was to have a "S**t-in" but the cleanup would have been an insurmountable ordeal so the idea was dumped.

For more background on the issue of flatulence and its embarrassing outcome, go here.

"The fart-in is to raise attention about things that really stink in our society," said Dr. Walter Tsou, an old stinker in his own right and a member of the Philadelphia branch of Physicians for Social Responsibility.

Honkala told US News and World Report that Sanders' endorsement of the Dragon Lady will not stop the "fart-in,"--in fact, she said the number of bean contributions "will probably quadruple." She added that a variety of beans have already been delivered to the organization's office in Philadelphia.

I suggest they wash it down with beer.

In anticipation of the protest, the Clinton campaign has purchased over 10,000 cans of Febreze and 300 Air Wick Life Scents for the "fart-in."

Hillary has been practicing breathing through her mouth and plans to do that during her shrieking acceptance speech.



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Japan's problem with tourist flatulence

Breaking wind (passing gas, flatulence, farting) is being addressed by a Japanese tourism board. They are calling on foreign tourists to refrain from public "belching or flatulence" and have published an etiquette guide which was written after complaints by a Chinese resident who found the guide insensitive.

The Hokkaido Tourism Organization, representing Japan's northern-most island, published a brochure on its website offering polite instructions from public bathing to the proper way to use a Japanese toilet--"if it's yellow, let it mellow, but if it's brown, flush it down."

An entire section of the brochure deals with farting in public, discussing the use of "downwind" and the perils of the "SBD" fart ("Silent But Deadly").

"Japanese etiquette is based on avoiding causing discomfort or nuisance to others," the guide points out with such simplicity that even blathering idiots and liberals could understand.

"Accordingly, Japanese will avoid bodily functions such as belching or flatulence in public entirely, or perform bodily functions as discreetly as possible."

That means when in Japan, Occupy Wall Street liberals are forbidden to defecate on police cars.

Unfortunately, the Chinese-language guide, originally entitled "Common Sense When Travelling in Hokkaido"--upset a Chinese resident who fumed that the diagrams featuring examples of bad tourist behavior were offensive, particularly since it showed a woman who looked very much like her, ripping one off in a crowded elevator.

Her complaint elicited a more foreigner-friendly version with less offensive explanations of Japanese customs.

In the "softer" version of the guide, available in English and Chinese, gone are the "X" marks next to cartoon illustrations of tourists slipping used toilet paper surreptitiously into the pockets of passers-bye, for example, instead of flushing it down the toilet.

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Another illustration targeting Chinese tourists shows a reminder not to open products, such as a can of worms, before purchasing them, as is the custom of many Chinese. 

After China was shamed by a slew of well-publicized incidents in recent years, they agreed to monitor the behavior of unruly tourists abroad and punish them on their return home. 

Not to be outdone, Iran and Afghanistan leaders have also agreed to punish their unruly vacationers and will behead those who insult Japan.

Over 100 million Chinese traveled abroad in 2014, spending about $164 million in bargain grabs. But reports of disruptive behavior have put a blemish on their reputation, such as the time a passenger tossed scalding water and noodles on a flight attendant, and another tourist was fined in Thailand for washing her feet in a public toilet. 

Seriously. Thankfully, the toilet wasn't being used at the time.

But say what you want about Chinese tourists, at least they don't kill the residents of the country they visit like some folks do.


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Fart Fresheners and other Stuff

ahh the pause
Originally uploaded by Rob Hoey

I was like wow, okay, so here`s the idea I had in bed last night, where I was attempting to sleep in a room that was cold enough to cool off my refrigerator. A battery powered battery charger. The problem with it seems to be the fact that once the batteries are charged, the ones in the charger are discharged, or low, so you`d have to use the charged batteries in the charger. It kind of sounds like the way our budget deficit and bailouts are working, but that`s another story. It was clearly a night for my brain to go into the invent mode. If there was just some way for the charger to charge the batteries it was charging to finish the job before those batteries discharged, then I would make a fortune. That`s the rub.

Another thing I thought about in bed: notice how annoying it is for the person sleeping next to you to have to deal with you when you`re coughing and she`s trying to sleep. What about a cough muffler? You know, something you could wear over your mouth that quiets your cough and maybe even helps you to breathe at the same time. And while we`re at it, a fart freshener wouldn`t hurt. Imagine, you`re lying in bed, your spouse gets up to pee, and you cut a deadly one loud enough for the neighbours to hear, (and you live in the boondocks)and the smell could peel paint off a Bradley tank. But instead, she comes back to bed and she notices a pleasant minty odour that reminds her of the great outdoors, and maybe gets her to agree to go ice fishing with you, which may or may not be what you want, so perhaps you need choose another fresh scent like jasmine or honeysuckle in order for your ice fishing to be what you really want it to be: a drunk-fest with your buddies at the lake where there are no kids that belong to you, and no responsibilities.

So now that you`ve come up with some of the best ideas of the century, and you want to blog them, but you want as many people as possible to get to your blog, what to do, as my lovely Indian wife would say. You find the best keywords to use for the Googlers of the world to hit upon. And the best keyword in the world is just something I happened to think about lying in bed while I was thinking about fart freshener and such. That keyword is “keyword.” Yep, it`s that simple. Keyword is a word on every keyword list and that should mean that the entire planet will see your blog, and you will get the hits and the advertisers will pay you the big bucks that will change your miserable life so you can go ice fishing with your buddies and not have to worry about fart fresheners, cough mufflers, and battery powered battery chargers. See, it all works out in the end.