North Korea locked and loaded

"I got this, yo"

Pyongyang is possibly preparing for yet another nuclear test and vows to do it "over and over again until we get it right." This would be their fifth test and this one is supposedly capable of striking some of our military posts in Asia. The missile, like Obama's ISIS strategy, is on standby.

A South Korean official in Seoul told Yonhap, their news agency, that their military had evidence indicating the North would most likely launch a midrange Musudan missile, with a range of 2,180 miles.

The U.S. and South Korea are conducting their annual springtime drills which end this week. Pyongyang claim these drills  are an invasion rehearsal.

One Musudan missiles was launched earlier this month but apparently ended in failure. Failure doesn't sit well with Kim Jong Un, and it is possible he had the entire launch crew go in search of a lost contact lens in a mine field, or some other "fun" event.

The current test would be the first since January, where the North claimed it had detonated a hydrogen bomb, but it was more likely something a lot smaller based on its signature. 

However, the blast was large enough to be of concern and President Obama is preparing to combat North Korea with some very harsh language.

Secretary of State John Kerry is busy at the moment hiding his wife's fortune in an off shore tax haven account. He will be speaking on this turn of events in the near future and his words will also be harsh.


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Big cheese North Korean defects to South Korea

South Korea has confirmed that a high-ranking officer of the North Korean military's General Reconnaissance Bureau (GRB) has fled to South Korea for reasons probably involving his overall health concerns. The officer, whose name was withheld by South Korea, is a colonel.

The colonel's agency is thought to be the one behind the two Pyongyang attacks killing 50 South Koreans in 2010.
The GRB also dabbles in cyber warfare and may have been the organization thought to be responsible for the attack two years ago on Sony Pictures Entertainment. (No animals were hurt in the making of the attack that attempted to kill Sony employees.)

"Get yer Yonhap!"

The Yonhap News Agency of South Korea reports that the colonel is considered an elite member of North Korean society by other North Korean defectors who safely made it out of the land of leaders with girly names.

From the information given by South Korea, the colonel has provided them with details about the operations of the bureau against South Korea and some mighty fine chicken.

And speaking of food, the announcement of the defection comes just three days after South Korea revealed 13 North Koreans who worked at the same Chinese restaurant, The Empty Wok, in Ningbo, China, had defected to the South. This was the largest single group of defectors since Fat Kim Jong Un took over from his dead dad in 2011.

Back in 1997, Hwang Jang-yop, a high-level North Korean, who was a senior member of the ruling Workers' Party, defected to the South and provided them with loads of intelligence about the North. Hwang once tutored Fat Kim's dad, Kim Jong Il. Hwang died in 2010.

Since the end of the Korean War, over 29,000 North Koreans defected to the South to avoid the crazy and harsh political system and abject poverty.

Fat Kim wants them back so he can kill them.

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North Korea's tantrum leads to klush

North Korea threw a temper tantrum Thursday by firing several short-range thingamabobs into the sea off its east coast, South Korean officials said. This tantrum comes just hours after the U.N. Security Council approved the toughest sanctions in 20 years against Pyongyang for continuing its nuclear testing and long-range rocket launch.

Dennis Rodman is quite upset over the entire ordeal and told the media that "Kim's a good guy, and guess what, he's not going to do anything bad with rockets and stuff. He's like a brother to me, or something."

Defense spokesman Moon Sang Gyun said the thingamabobs were fired from Wonsan on the east coast, a small town noted for creative misfortune cookies.

Gyun surmised the thingamabobs could be anything from projectiles to missiles to klushes (a high-level projectile made of exotic metals and goes "KLUSH!" when it hits the water.)

The Yonhap news agency's anonymous South Korean source said that eight or nine thingamabobs or klushes flew about 160 miles before landing in the sea with a big klush. The Defense Ministry could not confirm nor deny the report.


North Korea tends to test-fire projectiles and rockets, but they especially test them when they are angered at world condemnation. This latest test can be seen as a symbolic bird-flipping at the U.N.  Security Council.

The latest U.N. sanctions include mandatory inspections of cargo imports and exports with North Korea, in the air, on land and sea. When President Obama was asked by Dennis Rodman "Yo, why don't we do that sanction s**t with Iran?" Mr. Obama just laughed and walked away.




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