Rocket Man to launch biggest ever ICBM

Six 'dummy' mics, one real one

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has ordered his rocket scientists to build NoKo's biggest ballistic missile ever! He wants that sucker launched on the regime's 70th anniversary in September. 

The missile will supposedly be equipped with re-entry capability, something their previous death machines didn't have, a defector said speaking with reporters at a Japanese newspaper.

The defector, who wisely remained anonymous, is knowledgeable about the lunatic nation's missile program. He or she told the newspaper Asahi Shimbun that Kim laid out the plans at a meeting in Pyongyang on Dec. 11 and 12th.

The rocket is called the "Unha-4," and will be an upgraded version of the "Unha-3" which was an upgraded version of the "Unha -2." 

[Unha means 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.']

"The defector said there were likely two major objectives in launching a new long-range missile. One would be the use of a satellite for guidance and observation of future missile launches, The other could be to use the pro forma launch of a satellite into space to test whether the missile was capable of re-entry into the atmosphere," the paper reported.

In late November, the Hwasong-15 did not survive re-entry into the atmosphere in spite of the regime bragging that the missile was "significantly more powerful than its predecessor, the Hwasong-14, which preceded the Hwasong-13 . . .  and so on. Kim said the Hwasong-15 could carry a "super-heavy nuclear warhead" [if only it wouldn't burn up into little bitesize pieces on re-entry].

He added that the nuclear program will only be used for peaceful purposes "after it destroys the White House and the crazy man inside."

The launch date for the new, improved, gluten-free huge rocket is set for September 9th, North Korea's 70th anniversary (aka "Independence Day, Ha!") when the regime was founded by Kim Il Sung.

Kim will be launching the new missile from his desk conveniently located in one of his royal palaces. He promises that when he hits the button [donated to the regime by Hillary Clinton--she has a thing for buttons] he will scream out, "America, you die! Bwah ha ha!"


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SoKo readies its decapitation unit to kill Kim Jong Un, tells him it's coming

Seoul, South Korea -- In the late 1960s, North Korean commandos attempted to ransack the presidential palace in Seoul. South Korea tried to exact revenge and trained misfits from prison or from the streets to sneak into the North and slit the throat of Kim Il Sung, the North's leader. 

When the mission was aborted, the men mutinied, killed their trainers and fought their way into Seoul and blew themselves up. The government kept it under wraps for decades.

Now, as Kim Jong Un, the grandson of the former leader, accelerates his nuclear program, the South is again targeting his fat butt. 

The day after NoKo conducted its sixth nuclear test this month, and by far, the most powerful, SoKo defense minister, Song Young-moo told lawmakers in Seoul that a special forces brigade, described by defense officials as a "decapitation unit" would be established by year's end.

While the 'decapitation' part is not to be taken literally, the message they're sending to the 'Corpulent One' is clear: "Your days are numbered."

It's atypical for any government to announce a strategy to assassinate a head of state, but SoKo wants to keep the North scared about the consequences of further nuclear arsenal development. They also hope to get the North to agree for a sit-down with President Moon Jae-in.

But the real difficulty is getting the North, that has nuclear weapons, to have diplomatic talks with the South who doesn't.

"The best deterrence we can have, next to having our own nukes, is to make Kim Jong Un fear for his life," Gen. Shin Won-sik said. He was the South Korean military's top operational strategist before his 2015 retirement.

The question also remains whether SoKo and the U.S., are laying the groundwork to kill Kim and his top aides before they can even order an attack. That will be a tough task.

While useless Secretary of State Rex "From the River to the Sea" Tillerson said the U.S. doesn't seek leadership change in North Korea, and SoKo says the new military tactics are meant to offset the NoKo threat, the capabilities they are building could be used pre-emptively.


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Kim shows his missiles and stuff at annual parade of miscreants

Don't leave home without it .  .  .  or you die

North Korea celebrated the 105th birthday of Kim Jong Un's grandfather Kim Il Sung, the country's founder, at the national parade in central Pyongyang, as tensions rise across the land.

Sporting his signature idiot haircut, the current Kim didn't have anything to say to his captive fans as the military paraded its intercontinental ballistic missiles capable of flying over tall buildings in a single shot.

A top Kim official warned the world that North Korea would stand up to any threat, fight any foe, fee any fi, especially by the United States. 

Choe Ryong Hae claimed that President Trump was guilty of "creating a war situation" on the Korean Peninsula by sending U.S. forces to the region. He spoke as if North Korea's violation of testing nuclear devices was just for building highways. 

Choe is considered to be the number two official who has yet to be anti-aircraft gunned to death by Kim. Choe is on a strong regimen of No Doze anti-sleep pills to avoid that fate.

"We will respond to an all-out war with an all-out war and a nuclear war with our style of a nuclear attack," Choe bragged. Their style of nuclear attack is to try and sneak into South Korea with a nuclear warhead in a wheelbarrow and detonate it in Seoul (at least until they develop a missile that can carry it by itself).

The normal people of the world were concerned of a growing threat that North Korea is preparing for its sixth nuclear test or a major missile launch, particularly of one that can reach the U.S.

And while they say their goal is peace and their own survival, their growing military strength signals the opposite.

The U.S. strike against Syria over the chemical weapons attack on civilians along with Trump dispatching what he called an "armada" [when he meant a carrier group] of ships to the region in a show of force, touched off fear in South Korea that we were preparing to strike militarily in North Korea. That would be disastrous for South Korea because of the close proximity to the North. 

President Trump is hoping to enlist the aid of China to get North Korea to abandon its nuclear weapons program. 

An anonymous U.S. military official said that we don't intend to use military force against North Korea should they do another nuclear test or missile launch. But I suspect someone here will 'condemn it in the strongest possible terms' because that's usually what we do.

When corpulent Kim arrived at the parade at Kim Il Sung Square, he was greeted with thunderous applause--not that the crowd had a choice.

The parade included large rockets covered by canisters, possibly KN-08 missiles that could one day reach our shores (and take out mostly liberals), rocket launchers, tanks, artillery and a solid-fuel missile designed to be launched from submarines.

Also on display was a midrange missile that analysts call a "Musudan" which can potentially reach our base in Guam, and a new solid-fuel midrange missile that's hard to detect before launch because it's fired from mobile land launchers.

Satellite imagery indicates that North Korea is prepared to conduct another underground nuclear test at any time.



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