Rocket Man to launch biggest ever ICBM

Six 'dummy' mics, one real one

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has ordered his rocket scientists to build NoKo's biggest ballistic missile ever! He wants that sucker launched on the regime's 70th anniversary in September. 

The missile will supposedly be equipped with re-entry capability, something their previous death machines didn't have, a defector said speaking with reporters at a Japanese newspaper.

The defector, who wisely remained anonymous, is knowledgeable about the lunatic nation's missile program. He or she told the newspaper Asahi Shimbun that Kim laid out the plans at a meeting in Pyongyang on Dec. 11 and 12th.

The rocket is called the "Unha-4," and will be an upgraded version of the "Unha-3" which was an upgraded version of the "Unha -2." 

[Unha means 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.']

"The defector said there were likely two major objectives in launching a new long-range missile. One would be the use of a satellite for guidance and observation of future missile launches, The other could be to use the pro forma launch of a satellite into space to test whether the missile was capable of re-entry into the atmosphere," the paper reported.

In late November, the Hwasong-15 did not survive re-entry into the atmosphere in spite of the regime bragging that the missile was "significantly more powerful than its predecessor, the Hwasong-14, which preceded the Hwasong-13 . . .  and so on. Kim said the Hwasong-15 could carry a "super-heavy nuclear warhead" [if only it wouldn't burn up into little bitesize pieces on re-entry].

He added that the nuclear program will only be used for peaceful purposes "after it destroys the White House and the crazy man inside."

The launch date for the new, improved, gluten-free huge rocket is set for September 9th, North Korea's 70th anniversary (aka "Independence Day, Ha!") when the regime was founded by Kim Il Sung.

Kim will be launching the new missile from his desk conveniently located in one of his royal palaces. He promises that when he hits the button [donated to the regime by Hillary Clinton--she has a thing for buttons] he will scream out, "America, you die! Bwah ha ha!"


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