ISIS fighters calling in sick

"My tummy hurts." "I don't feel good." "The dog ate my ammunition." "Can I stay home?"

They claim to have headaches, general feelings of sickness and bad backs, as the ranks of the Islamic State mujahedeen call out sick from the fight to save their quest to save their caliphate.

According to a report, foreign jihadists in particular seem to be 'wussing out' in the face of an offensive led by Iraqi national military, international and Kurdish forces. Recently, documents have been uncovered in Mosul, depicting the lengths the snowflake jihadists go to get out of combat, just in case this 72 virgin thing is a farce.

The Washington Post reported that when Iraqi forces captured an ISIS base in Mosul they discovered a document moaning about 14 "problem" jihadists from Tariq Bin Ziyad battalion. The possibility exists that some of these militarily impotent ISIS members may make their way back to Europe.

One of the documents read: "He doesn't want to fight, wants to return to France. Claims his will is martyrdom in France. Claims sick but doesn't have a medical report."

His tummy hurt from lack of guts.

One scumcrumpet from Kosovo said he couldn't fight because he had a headache. Another from Belgium had a doctor's note saying he had back pain.

The reports include information about where the jihadist is from, how many wives he has, and the number of "slave girls" he owns. Iraqi officers believe the documents are legitimate.

President Trump referred to ISIS fighters as "sneaky, dirty rats," sounding like a young James Cagney. 

Former State Department spokesperson Marie Harf countered President Trump saying "We wouldn't have this problem with ISIS if we just got them decent jobs and opportunities for spiritual growth."

Okay, she didn't really say that, but she once upon a time said something equally as stupid.

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Islamic State taunts Islamophilia POTUS

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi released a new 24-minute audio message in which he says that the United States is afraid to fight Islamic State "caliphate." He claims our "hearts are full of fear from the mujahedeen." 

"America and its allies dream of destroying the caliphate through their proxies and henchmen, and whenever an alliance of theirs fails or a tail is cut, they hasten to establish another, until they recently declared the Salouli (Saudi) alliance that was falsely called Islamic," the PhD in Islamic studies claimed. 

But what does he know about Islam?

Al-Baghdadi is like the kid in the school yard who grabs his crotch, bounces his shoulders, bravado style, and taunts the gang of nerds to come and fight him and his gang. He reminds me of the Black Knight from Monty Python's The Holy Grail. Only a lot more dangerous.

But the only nerd here is Barack Hussein Obama.

Obama believes that certain rules of war apply when fighting these crazy terrorists. The rules of engagement have limited the U.S. coalition forces so drastically that it's practically impossible to destroy ISIS. Obama even had us drop flyers on ISIS oil trucks so the drivers could make a safe exit before we blew up the trucks that were headed for Assad's Syrian forces.

If we relaxed the rules of engagement, we could destroy these asshats in a few months at most, I believe.

Even so, ISIS has been getting hit hard from the Saudi-led Islamic military coalition fighting in the Middle East and with U.S.-backed Syrian rebels fighting a ground offensive that has captured the strategic Tishrin Dam on the Euphrates River. These ground forces are about to draw out ISIS from Ramadi, another strategic foothold for the scumcrumpet terrorists.

Although airstrikes cannot win a war, the U.S.-led coalition along with Syria and Russia have wiped out Syrian oil facilities and killed several ISIS leaders in the past few weeks.

Ever the warm-hearted anti-Semitic Sunni Muslim, al-Baghdadi said that if the Saudi-led alliance was truly Islamic, then it would fight the Syrian army and its Russian "masters," as well as Shiites and Jews.

This is Islam in its purest form, its clearly anti-Semitic, intolerant

of all-else form, that al-Baghdadi spouts and translates into the hatred of Israel and love of Hamas generally found in Muslim communities.


"We promise you, God willing, that whoever participates in the war against the Islamic State will pay the price dearly," al-Baghdadi bragged.

It's time to send him and his murderers away for good.





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Islamic State Threatens Obama--Vows to Make USA a Muslim Province

In a new grisly beheading video, ISIS threatened our so-called president and said it would make our country into a Muslim province. But no worries--the Islamic State isn't Islamic so they would likely screw it up and make us into an Amish state, or maybe a Jewish state.

The dickwad in the video says they will kill Jordanian and Japanese hostages if the hostage held in Jordan is not freed. 

That isn't a girdle

Who is this Muslim, you ask. Her name is Sajida al-Rishawi, aka "sister of the Caliphate" as she is called by ISIS. She was sentenced to death in 2006 but a Jordanian moratorium on the death sentence saved her terrorist butt. She admitted her role in the deaths of 57 innocent people at the Amman hotels. ISIS wants her to be released. She has been incarcerated for 9 years.

The dirtbag behind the Kurdish hostage in the video, hidden beneath a balaclava, spoke in Arabic, the language of the Koran, and said, "Know, oh Obama, that we will reach America. Know also that we will cut off your head in the White House, and transform America into a Muslim Province."

Barack Hussein Obama did not actually reply, but if he did, he might say this:

"Know ye, oh ISIS mujahedeen. You need not fret and frown over my residence in the White House for I am personally transforming America into a Muslim Province, but it's going to take some time. I ask that you be patient, but if you have to cut off a couple of heads along the way, you have my blessings, Inshallah."

If the American people, the patriots I mean, could reply, we might say:

"Know ye, oh scumbags in rags, that we will not rest until each and every one of you is killed, put in a pigskin sack, and buried upside-down with bacon in your mouth and a Koran shoved up your nether regions.

"You might kill some of us, but you cannot kill us all, and you cannot kill our spirit and our resolve. If you think you can take over the United States of America, Molon Labe, assholes."

We don't hide our faces

I think we have all reached a point where we know who the enemy is, and it isn't simply radical terrorists. They are radical Muslim terrorists who strictly follow the teachings of the Koran. It's time to stop lying to the American public and pretend that Islam isn't the problem or that the Islamic State has hijacked Islam. 

Everything al-Baghdadi is doing would be duplicated by the prophet of Islam, Muhammed, even though al-Baghdadi has a PhD in Islamic studies and Muhammed was an illiterate, Jew-hating, slave-owning, thieving, pedophile. What is al-Baghdadi doing any differently?


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